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- Даниэл Киз
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I
have
a
feeling
I
’
m
watching
because
it
’
s
important
for
me
not
to
think
,
not
to
remember
about
the
bakery
,
and
my
mother
and
father
,
and
Norma
.
I
don
’
t
want
to
re
member
any
more
of
the
past
.
I
had
a
terrible
shock
today
.
Picked
up
a
copy
of
an
ar
ticle
I
had
used
in
my
research
,
Krueger
’
s
Uber
Psychische
Ganzheit
,
to
see
if
it
would
help
me
understand
the
paper
I
wrote
and
what
I
had
done
in
it
.
First
I
thought
there
was
something
wrong
with
my
eyes
.
Then
I
realized
I
could
no
longer
read
German
.
Tested
myself
in
other
languages
.
All
gone
.
October
21
Alice
is
gone
.
Let
’
s
see
if
I
can
remember
.
It
started
when
she
said
we
couldn
’
t
live
like
this
with
the
torn
books
and
papers
and
records
all
over
the
floor
and
the
place
in
such
a
mess
.
"
Leave
everything
the
way
it
is
,
"
I
warned
her
.
"
Why
do
you
want
to
live
this
way
?
"
"
I
want
everything
where
I
put
it
.
I
want
to
see
it
all
out
here
.
You
don
’
t
know
what
it
’
s
like
to
have
something
happening
inside
you
,
that
you
can
’
t
see
and
can
’
t
control
,
and
know
it
’
s
all
slipping
through
your
fingers
.
"
"
You
’
re
right
.
I
never
said
I
could
understand
the
things
that
were
happening
to
you
.
Not
when
you
became
too
intelligent
for
me
,
and
not
now
.
But
I
’
ll
tell
you
one
thing
.
Before
you
had
the
operation
,
you
weren
’
t
like
this
.
You
didn
’
t
wallow
in
your
own
filth
and
self
-
pity
,
you
didn
’
t
pollute
your
own
mind
by
sitting
in
front
of
the
TV
set
all
day
and
night
,
you
didn
’
t
snarl
and
snap
at
people
.
There
was
something
about
you
that
made
us
respect
you
—
yes
,
even
as
you
were
.
You
had
something
I
had
never
seen
in
a
retarded
person
before
.
"
"
I
don
’
t
regret
the
experiment
.
"
"
Neither
do
I
,
but
you
’
ve
lost
something
you
had
be
fore
.
You
had
a
smile
.
.
.
"
