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She
shrugged
.
"
Well
,
you
were
like
a
scared
little
kid
.
I
was
sure
you
wouldn
t
hurt
me
,
but
I
thought
you
might
hurt
yourself
.
So
I
figured
I
d
hang
around
.
I
felt
so
sorry
.
Anyway
,
I
kept
this
handy
,
just
in
case
.
.
.
"
She
pulled
out
a
heavy
book
end
she
had
wedged
between
the
bed
and
the
wall
.
"
I
guess
you
didn
t
have
to
use
it
.
"
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She
shook
her
head
.
"
Boy
,
you
must
have
liked
peanuts
when
you
were
a
kid
.
"
She
got
out
of
bed
and
started
to
dress
.
I
lay
there
for
a
while
watching
her
.
She
moved
in
front
of
me
with
no
shyness
or
inhibition
.
Her
breasts
were
full
as
she
had
painted
them
in
that
self
-
portrait
.
I
longed
to
reach
out
for
her
,
but
I
knew
it
was
futile
.
In
spite
of
the
operation
Charlie
was
still
with
me
.
And
Charlie
was
afraid
of
losing
his
peanuts
.
June
24
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Today
I
went
on
a
strange
kind
of
anti
-
intellectual
binge
.
If
I
had
dared
to
,
I
would
have
gotten
drunk
,
but
after
the
experience
with
Fay
,
I
knew
it
would
be
dangerous
.
So
,
instead
,
I
went
to
Times
Square
,
from
movie
house
to
movie
house
,
immersing
myself
in
west
­
erns
and
horror
movies
the
way
I
used
to
.
Each
time
,
sit
­
ting
through
the
picture
,
I
would
find
myself
whipped
with
guilt
.
I
d
walk
out
in
the
middle
of
the
picture
and
wander
into
another
one
.
I
told
myself
I
was
looking
for
something
in
the
make
-
believe
screen
world
that
was
miss
­
ing
from
my
new
life
.
Then
,
in
a
sudden
intuition
,
right
outside
the
Keno
Amusement
Center
,
I
knew
it
wasn
t
the
movies
I
wanted
,
but
the
audiences
.
I
wanted
to
be
with
the
people
around
me
in
the
darkness
.
The
walls
between
people
are
thin
here
,
and
if
I
listen
quietly
,
I
hear
what
is
going
on
.
Greenwich
Village
is
like
that
too
.