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This
was
years
and
years
ago
.
Cancer
will
be
like
that
,
I
tell
Marla
.
There
will
be
mistakes
,
and
maybe
the
point
is
not
to
forget
the
rest
of
yourself
if
one
little
part
might
go
bad
.
Marla
says
,
"
Might
.
"
The
student
with
the
nitrogen
finished
up
and
told
me
the
wart
would
drop
off
after
a
few
days
.
On
the
sticky
paper
next
to
my
bare
ass
was
a
Polaroid
picture
of
my
foot
that
no
one
wanted
.
I
said
,
can
I
have
the
picture
?
I
still
have
the
picture
in
my
room
stuck
in
the
corner
of
a
mirror
in
the
frame
.
I
comb
my
hair
in
the
mirror
before
work
every
morning
and
think
how
I
once
had
cancer
for
ten
minutes
,
worse
than
cancer
.
I
tell
Marla
that
this
Thanksgiving
was
the
first
year
when
my
grandfather
and
I
did
not
go
ice
skating
even
though
the
ice
was
almost
six
inches
thick
.
My
grandmother
always
has
these
little
round
bandages
on
her
forehead
or
her
arms
where
moles
she
's
had
her
whole
life
did
n't
look
right
.
They
spread
out
with
fringed
edges
or
the
moles
turned
from
brown
to
blue
or
black
.
When
my
grandmother
got
out
of
the
hospital
the
last
time
,
my
grandfather
was
carrying
her
suitcase
and
it
was
so
heavy
he
complained
that
he
felt
lopsided
.
My
French-Canadian
grandmother
was
so
modest
that
she
never
wore
a
swimming
suit
in
public
and
she
always
ran
water
in
the
sink
to
mask
any
sound
she
might
make
in
the
bathroom
.
Coming
out
of
Our
Lady
of
Lourdes
Hospital
after
a
partial
mastectomy
,
she
says
:
"
You
feel
lopsided
?
"
For
my
grandfather
,
that
sums
up
the
whole
story
,
my
grandmother
,
cancer
,
their
marriage
,
your
life
.
He
laughs
every
time
he
tells
that
story
.
Marla
is
n't
laughing
.
I
want
to
make
her
laugh
,
to
warm
her
up
.
To
make
her
forgive
me
for
the
collagen
,
I
want
to
tell
Marla
there
's
nothing
for
me
to
find
.
If
she
found
anything
this
morning
,
it
was
a
mistake
.
A
birthmark
.
Marla
has
the
scar
from
Tyler
's
kiss
on
the
back
of
her
hand
.
