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A
bare
light
bulb
hung
from
a
black
cord
between
Mr
.
Shaibel
and
the
furnace
.
Beth
was
careful
not
to
let
the
shadow
of
her
head
fall
on
the
board
.
It
was
Sunday
morning
.
They
were
having
chapel
upstairs
in
the
library
,
and
she
had
held
up
her
hand
for
permission
to
go
to
the
bathroom
and
then
come
down
here
.
She
had
been
standing
,
watching
the
janitor
play
chess
,
for
ten
minutes
.
Neither
of
them
had
spoken
,
but
he
seemed
to
accept
her
presence
.
He
would
stare
at
the
pieces
for
minutes
at
a
time
,
motionless
,
looking
at
them
as
though
he
hated
them
,
and
then
reach
out
over
his
belly
,
pick
one
up
by
its
top
with
his
fingertips
,
hold
it
for
a
moment
as
though
holding
a
dead
mouse
by
the
tail
and
set
it
on
another
square
.
He
did
not
look
up
at
Beth
.
Beth
stood
with
the
black
shadow
of
her
head
on
the
concrete
floor
at
her
feet
and
watched
the
board
,
not
taking
her
eyes
from
it
,
watching
every
move
.
*
*
*
She
had
learned
to
save
her
tranquilizers
until
night
.
That
helped
her
sleep
.
She
would
put
the
oblong
pill
in
her
mouth
when
Mr
.
Fergussen
handed
it
to
her
,
get
it
under
her
tongue
,
take
a
sip
of
the
canned
orange
juice
that
came
with
the
pill
,
swallow
,
and
then
when
Mr
.
Fergussen
had
gone
on
to
the
next
child
,
take
the
pill
from
her
mouth
and
slip
it
into
the
pocket
of
her
middy
blouse
.
The
pill
had
a
hard
coating
and
did
not
soften
in
the
time
it
sat
under
her
tongue
.
For
the
first
two
months
she
had
slept
very
little
.
She
tried
to
,
lying
still
with
her
eyes
tightly
shut
.
But
she
would
hear
the
girls
in
the
other
beds
cough
or
turn
or
mutter
,
or
a
night
orderly
would
walk
down
the
corridor
and
the
shadow
would
cross
her
bed
and
she
would
see
it
,
even
with
her
eyes
closed
.
A
distant
phone
would
ring
,
or
a
toilet
would
flush
.
But
worst
of
all
was
when
she
heard
voices
talking
at
the
desk
at
the
end
of
the
corridor
.
No
matter
how
softly
the
orderly
spoke
to
the
night
attendant
,
no
matter
how
pleasantly
,
Beth
immediately
found
herself
tense
and
fully
awake
.
Her
stomach
contracted
,
she
tasted
vinegar
in
her
mouth
;
and
sleep
would
be
out
of
the
question
for
that
night
.
Now
she
would
snuggle
up
in
bed
,
allowing
herself
to
feel
the
tension
in
her
stomach
with
a
thrill
,
knowing
it
would
soon
leave
her
.
She
waited
there
in
the
dark
,
alone
,
monitoring
herself
,
waiting
for
the
turmoil
in
her
to
peak
.
Then
she
swallowed
the
two
pills
and
lay
back
until
the
ease
began
to
spread
through
her
body
like
the
waves
of
a
warm
sea
.
*
*
*
“
Will
you
teach
me
?
”
Mr
.
