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The
pills
she
had
gulped
down
a
few
minutes
before
were
beginning
to
reach
her
mind
.
All
of
her
nervousness
had
vanished
.
With
clear
purposefulness
,
she
climbed
up
on
Mr
.
Fergussen
’
s
white
table
,
put
her
head
out
the
window
and
looked
around
her
at
the
still
-
empty
room
.
The
jar
of
pills
was
a
few
inches
from
her
left
knee
.
She
wriggled
her
way
through
the
window
and
onto
the
stool
.
Standing
up
high
there
,
she
felt
calm
,
powerful
,
in
charge
of
her
life
.
She
leaned
forward
dreamily
and
took
the
jar
by
its
rim
in
both
hands
.
A
fine
relaxation
had
spread
through
her
body
.
She
let
herself
go
limp
,
staring
down
into
the
depths
of
green
pills
.
Stately
music
came
from
the
movie
in
the
Library
.
Her
toes
were
still
on
the
stool
and
her
body
was
loosely
jackknifed
over
the
window
ledge
;
she
no
longer
felt
the
sharp
edge
.
She
was
like
a
limp
rag
doll
.
As
her
eyes
lost
focus
,
the
green
became
a
bright
luminous
blur
.
“
Elizabeth
!
”
The
voice
seemed
to
come
from
a
place
inside
her
head
.
“
Elizabeth
!
”
She
blinked
.
It
was
a
woman
’
s
voice
,
harsh
,
like
Mother
’
s
.
She
did
not
look
around
.
Her
fingers
and
thumbs
on
the
side
of
the
jar
had
gone
loose
.
She
squeezed
them
together
and
picked
up
the
jar
.
She
felt
herself
moving
in
slow
motion
,
like
slow
motion
in
a
movie
where
someone
falls
from
a
horse
at
a
rodeo
and
you
see
him
float
gently
to
the
ground
as
though
it
could
not
hurt
at
all
.
She
lifted
the
jar
with
both
hands
and
turned
,
and
the
bottom
of
the
jar
hit
the
window
ledge
with
a
dull
ringing
sound
and
her
wrists
twisted
and
the
jar
came
loose
from
her
hands
and
exploded
on
the
edge
of
the
stool
at
her
feet
.
The
fragments
,
mixed
with
hundreds
of
green
pellets
,
cascaded
to
the
linoleum
floor
.
Bits
of
glass
caught
light
like
rhinestones
and
lay
in
place
shivering
while
the
green
pills
rolled
outward
like
a
bright
waterfall
toward
Mrs
.
Deardorff
.
Mrs
.
Deardorff
was
standing
a
few
feet
away
from
her
,
saying
,
“
Elizabeth
!
”
over
and
over
again
.
After
what
seemed
a
long
time
,
the
pills
stopped
moving
.
Behind
Mrs
.
Deardorff
was
Mr
.
Fergussen
in
his
white
pants
and
T
-
shirt
.
Next
to
him
stood
Mr
.
Schell
,
and
just
behind
them
,
crowding
to
see
what
had
happened
,
were
the
other
children
,
some
of
them
still
blinking
from
the
movie
that
had
just
ended
.
Every
person
in
the
room
was
staring
at
her
,
high
on
the
miniature
stage
of
her
stool
with
her
hands
a
foot
apart
as
though
she
were
still
holding
the
glass
jar
.
Fergussen
rode
with
her
in
the
brown
staff
car
and
carried
her
into
the
hospital
to
the
little
room
where
the
lights
were
bright
and
they
made
her
swallow
a
gray
rubber
tube
.
It
was
easy
.
Nothing
mattered
.
She
could
still
see
the
green
mound
of
pills
in
the
jar
.
There
were
strange
things
happening
inside
her
,
but
it
didn
’
t
matter
.
She
fell
asleep
and
woke
only
for
a
moment
when
someone
pushed
a
hypodermic
needle
in
her
arm
.
She
did
not
know
how
long
she
was
there
,
but
she
did
not
spend
the
night
.
Fergussen
drove
her
back
the
same
evening
.
She
sat
in
the
front
seat
now
,
awake
and
unworried
.
The
hospital
was
on
the
campus
,
where
Fergussen
was
a
graduate
student
;
he
pointed
out
the
Psychology
Building
as
they
drove
past
it
.
“
That
’
s
where
I
go
to
school
,
”
he
said
.
She
merely
nodded
.
She
pictured
Fergussen
as
a
student
,
taking
true
-
false
tests
and
holding
his
hand
up
when
he
wanted
to
leave
the
room
.
She
had
never
liked
him
before
,
had
thought
of
him
as
just
one
of
the
others
.
“
Jesus
,
kid
,
”
he
said
,
“
I
thought
Deardorff
would
explode
.
”
She
watched
the
trees
go
by
outside
the
car
window
.
