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- Уолтер Тевис
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Then
she
stuffed
three
handfuls
of
pills
in
her
skirt
pocket
.
On
the
wall
to
the
right
of
the
window
was
a
Dixie
Cup
dispenser
.
She
was
able
to
reach
it
by
standing
on
tiptoe
and
stretching
.
She
took
four
paper
cups
.
She
had
decided
on
that
number
the
night
before
.
She
carried
them
over
,
stacked
,
to
the
table
that
held
the
pill
jar
,
set
them
down
neatly
,
and
filled
them
one
at
a
time
.
Then
she
stood
back
and
looked
at
the
jar
.
The
level
had
dropped
to
almost
half
what
it
had
been
.
The
problem
seemed
insoluble
.
She
would
have
to
wait
and
see
what
happened
.
Leaving
the
cups
,
she
went
to
the
door
that
Mr
.
Fergussen
used
when
he
went
to
do
pharmacy
duty
.
She
would
leave
that
way
,
unlocking
it
from
the
inside
,
and
make
two
trips
to
carry
the
pills
to
the
metal
stand
by
her
bed
.
She
had
a
nearly
empty
Kleenex
box
to
put
them
in
.
She
would
spread
a
few
sheets
of
Kleenex
on
top
and
put
the
box
in
the
bottom
of
her
enameled
nightstand
,
under
her
clean
underwear
and
socks
.
But
the
door
would
not
open
.
It
was
locked
in
some
serious
way
.
She
examined
the
knob
and
latch
,
feeling
carefully
with
her
hands
.
There
was
a
thick
,
heavy
sensation
at
the
back
of
her
throat
as
she
did
this
,
and
her
arms
were
numb
,
like
the
arms
of
a
dead
person
.
What
she
had
suspected
when
the
door
wouldn
’
t
open
turned
out
to
be
true
:
you
had
to
have
a
key
even
from
the
inside
.
And
she
could
not
climb
back
out
the
little
window
carrying
four
Dixie
cups
full
of
tranquilizers
.
She
grew
frantic
.
They
would
miss
her
at
the
movie
.
Fergussen
would
be
looking
for
her
.
The
projector
would
break
down
and
all
the
children
would
be
sent
into
the
Multi
-
Purpose
Room
,
with
Fergussen
monitoring
them
,
and
here
she
would
be
.
But
deeper
than
that
,
she
felt
trapped
,
the
same
wretched
,
heart
-
stopping
sensation
she
had
felt
when
she
was
taken
from
home
and
put
in
this
institution
and
made
to
sleep
in
a
ward
with
twenty
strangers
and
hear
noises
all
night
long
that
were
,
in
a
way
,
as
bad
as
the
shouting
at
home
,
when
Daddy
and
Mother
were
there
—
the
shouting
from
the
brightly
lit
kitchen
.
Beth
had
slept
in
the
dining
room
on
a
folding
cot
.
She
felt
trapped
then
,
too
,
and
her
arms
were
numb
.
There
was
a
big
space
under
the
door
that
separated
dining
room
from
kitchen
;
the
light
had
streamed
in
under
it
,
along
with
the
shouted
words
.
She
gripped
the
doorknob
and
stood
still
for
a
long
moment
,
breathing
shallowly
.
Then
her
heart
began
beating
almost
normally
again
and
feeling
came
back
into
her
arms
and
hands
.
She
could
always
get
out
by
climbing
through
the
window
.
She
had
a
pocket
full
of
pills
.
She
could
set
the
Dixie
cups
on
the
white
table
inside
the
window
and
then
,
when
she
was
back
on
the
stool
outside
,
she
could
reach
in
and
take
them
out
,
one
at
a
time
.
She
could
visualize
it
all
,
like
a
chess
position
.
She
carried
the
cups
over
to
the
table
.
She
had
begun
to
sense
in
herself
an
enormous
calm
,
like
the
calm
she
had
felt
that
day
at
the
high
school
when
she
knew
she
was
unbeatable
.
When
she
set
down
the
fourth
cup
she
turned
and
looked
back
at
the
glass
jar
.
Fergussen
would
know
that
pills
had
been
stolen
.
That
could
not
be
hidden
.
Sometimes
her
father
had
said
,
“
In
for
a
dime
,
in
for
a
dollar
.
”
She
took
the
jar
over
to
the
table
and
poured
the
contents
of
the
Dixie
cups
back
into
it
,
stepped
back
and
checked
.
It
would
be
simple
to
lean
over
from
the
outside
and
lift
the
jar
out
.
She
knew
,
too
,
where
she
could
hide
it
,
on
the
shelf
of
a
disused
janitors
’
closet
in
the
girls
’
room
.
There
was
an
old
galvanized
bucket
up
there
that
was
never
used
;
the
jar
would
fit
into
it
.
There
was
also
a
short
ladder
in
the
closet
,
and
she
could
use
it
safely
because
a
person
could
lock
the
door
on
the
girls
’
room
from
the
inside
.
Then
,
if
there
was
a
search
for
the
missing
pills
,
even
if
they
found
them
,
they
couldn
’
t
be
traced
to
her
.
She
would
take
only
a
few
at
a
time
and
wouldn
’
t
tell
anyone
—
not
even
Jolene
.
