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My
friend
the
Major
I
write
,
without
any
doubt
,
in
mine
.
He
had
very
long
legs
,
a
yellow
face
,
and
a
slight
lisp
,
which
at
first
was
rather
ridiculous
.
But
his
thoughts
were
just
,
his
brains
were
fairly
good
,
his
life
was
honest
and
pure
,
and
his
heart
warm
and
humble
.
He
certainly
had
very
large
hands
and
feet
,
which
the
two
George
Osbornes
used
to
caricature
and
laugh
at
;
and
their
jeers
and
laughter
perhaps
led
poor
little
Emmy
astray
as
to
his
worth
.
But
have
we
not
all
been
misled
about
our
heroes
and
changed
our
opinions
a
hundred
times
?
Emmy
,
in
this
happy
time
,
found
that
hers
underwent
a
very
great
change
in
respect
of
the
merits
of
the
Major
.
Perhaps
it
was
the
happiest
time
of
both
their
lives
,
indeed
,
if
they
did
but
know
it
--
and
who
does
?
Which
of
us
can
point
out
and
say
that
was
the
culmination
--
that
was
the
summit
of
human
joy
?
But
at
all
events
,
this
couple
were
very
decently
contented
,
and
enjoyed
as
pleasant
a
summer
tour
as
any
pair
that
left
England
that
year
.
Georgy
was
always
present
at
the
play
,
but
it
was
the
Major
who
put
Emmy
's
shawl
on
after
the
entertainment
;
and
in
the
walks
and
excursions
the
young
lad
would
be
on
ahead
,
and
up
a
tower-stair
or
a
tree
,
whilst
the
soberer
couple
were
below
,
the
Major
smoking
his
cigar
with
great
placidity
and
constancy
,
whilst
Emmy
sketched
the
site
or
the
ruin
.
It
was
on
this
very
tour
that
I
,
the
present
writer
of
a
history
of
which
every
word
is
true
,
had
the
pleasure
to
see
them
first
and
to
make
their
acquaintance
.
It
was
at
the
little
comfortable
Ducal
town
of
Pumpernickel
(
that
very
place
where
Sir
Pitt
Crawley
had
been
so
distinguished
as
an
attache
;
but
that
was
in
early
early
days
,
and
before
the
news
of
the
Battle
of
Austerlitz
sent
all
the
English
diplomatists
in
Germany
to
the
right
about
)
that
I
first
saw
Colonel
Dobbin
and
his
party
.
They
had
arrived
with
the
carriage
and
courier
at
the
Erbprinz
Hotel
,
the
best
of
the
town
,
and
the
whole
party
dined
at
the
table
d'hote
.
Everybody
remarked
the
majesty
of
Jos
and
the
knowing
way
in
which
he
sipped
,
or
rather
sucked
,
the
Johannisberger
,
which
he
ordered
for
dinner
.
The
little
boy
,
too
,
we
observed
,
had
a
famous
appetite
,
and
consumed
schinken
,
and
braten
,
and
kartoffeln
,
and
cranberry
jam
,
and
salad
,
and
pudding
,
and
roast
fowls
,
and
sweetmeats
,
with
a
gallantry
that
did
honour
to
his
nation
.
After
about
fifteen
dishes
,
he
concluded
the
repast
with
dessert
,
some
of
which
he
even
carried
out
of
doors
,
for
some
young
gentlemen
at
table
,
amused
with
his
coolness
and
gallant
free-and-easy
manner
,
induced
him
to
pocket
a
handful
of
macaroons
,
which
he
discussed
on
his
way
to
the
theatre
,
whither
everybody
went
in
the
cheery
social
little
German
place
.
The
lady
in
black
,
the
boy
's
mamma
,
laughed
and
blushed
,
and
looked
exceedingly
pleased
and
shy
as
the
dinner
went
on
,
and
at
the
various
feats
and
instances
of
espieglerie
on
the
part
of
her
son
.
The
Colonel
--
for
so
he
became
very
soon
afterwards
--
I
remember
joked
the
boy
with
a
great
deal
of
grave
fun
,
pointing
out
dishes
which
he
had
n't
tried
,
and
entreating
him
not
to
baulk
his
appetite
,
but
to
have
a
second
supply
of
this
or
that
.
It
was
what
they
call
a
gast-rolle
night
at
the
Royal
Grand
Ducal
Pumpernickelisch
Hof
--
or
Court
theatre
--
and
Madame
Schroeder
Devrient
,
then
in
the
bloom
of
her
beauty
and
genius
,
performed
the
part
of
the
heroine
in
the
wonderful
opera
of
Fidelio
.
From
our
places
in
the
stalls
we
could
see
our
four
friends
of
the
table
d'hote
in
the
loge
which
Schwendler
of
the
Erbprinz
kept
for
his
best
guests
,
and
I
could
not
help
remarking
the
effect
which
the
magnificent
actress
and
music
produced
upon
Mrs.
Osborne
,
for
so
we
heard
the
stout
gentleman
in
the
mustachios
call
her
.
During
the
astonishing
Chorus
of
the
Prisoners
,
over
which
the
delightful
voice
of
the
actress
rose
and
soared
in
the
most
ravishing
harmony
,
the
English
lady
's
face
wore
such
an
expression
of
wonder
and
delight
that
it
struck
even
little
Fipps
,
the
blase
attache
,
who
drawled
out
,
as
he
fixed
his
glass
upon
her
,
"
Gayd
,
it
really
does
one
good
to
see
a
woman
caypable
of
that
stayt
of
excaytement
.
"
And
in
the
Prison
Scene
,
where
Fidelio
,
rushing
to
her
husband
,
cries
,
"
Nichts
,
nichts
,
mein
Florestan
,
"
she
fairly
lost
herself
and
covered
her
face
with
her
handkerchief
.
Every
woman
in
the
house
was
snivelling
at
the
time
,
but
I
suppose
it
was
because
it
was
predestined
that
I
was
to
write
this
particular
lady
's
memoirs
that
I
remarked
her
.
The
next
day
they
gave
another
piece
of
Beethoven
,
Die
Schlacht
bei
Vittoria
.
Malbrook
is
introduced
at
the
beginning
of
the
performance
,
as
indicative
of
the
brisk
advance
of
the
French
army
.
Then
come
drums
,
trumpets
,
thunders
of
artillery
,
and
groans
of
the
dying
,
and
at
last
,
in
a
grand
triumphal
swell
,
"
God
Save
the
King
"
is
performed
.
There
may
have
been
a
score
of
Englishmen
in
the
house
,
but
at
the
burst
of
that
beloved
and
well-known
music
,
every
one
of
them
,
we
young
fellows
in
the
stalls
,
Sir
John
and
Lady
Bullminster
(
who
had
taken
a
house
at
Pumpernickel
for
the
education
of
their
nine
children
)
,
the
fat
gentleman
with
the
mustachios
,
the
long
Major
in
white
duck
trousers
,
and
the
lady
with
the
little
boy
upon
whom
he
was
so
sweet
,
even
Kirsch
,
the
courier
in
the
gallery
,
stood
bolt
upright
in
their
places
and
proclaimed
themselves
to
be
members
of
the
dear
old
British
nation
.
As
for
Tapeworm
,
the
Charge
d'Affaires
,
he
rose
up
in
his
box
and
bowed
and
simpered
,
as
if
he
would
represent
the
whole
empire
.
Tapeworm
was
nephew
and
heir
of
old
Marshal
Tiptoff
,
who
has
been
introduced
in
this
story
as
General
Tiptoff
,
just
before
Waterloo
,
who
was
Colonel
of
the
--
th
regiment
in
which
Major
Dobbin
served
,
and
who
died
in
this
year
full
of
honours
,
and
of
an
aspic
of
plovers
'
eggs
;
when
the
regiment
was
graciously
given
by
his
Majesty
to
Colonel
Sir
Michael
O'Dowd
,
K.C.B.
who
had
commanded
it
in
many
glorious
fields
.
Tapeworm
must
have
met
with
Colonel
Dobbin
at
the
house
of
the
Colonel
's
Colonel
,
the
Marshal
,
for
he
recognized
him
on
this
night
at
the
theatre
,
and
with
the
utmost
condescension
,
his
Majesty
's
minister
came
over
from
his
own
box
and
publicly
shook
hands
with
his
new-found
friend
.
"
Look
at
that
infernal
sly-boots
of
a
Tapeworm
,
"
Fipps
whispered
,
examining
his
chief
from
the
stalls
.
