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- Теодор Драйзер
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- Стр. 592/598
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Lord
,
it
was
all
so
terrible
!
He
was
so
alone
,
even
in
these
last
few
and
elusive
hours
(
the
swift
passing
of
the
days
)
,
with
his
mother
and
also
the
Reverend
McMillan
here
with
him
,
but
neither
understanding
.
But
,
apart
from
all
this
and
much
worse
,
he
was
locked
up
here
and
they
would
not
let
him
go
.
There
was
a
system
--
a
horrible
routine
system
--
as
long
since
he
had
come
to
feel
it
to
be
so
.
It
was
iron
.
It
moved
automatically
like
a
machine
without
the
aid
or
the
hearts
of
men
.
These
guards
!
They
with
their
letters
,
their
inquiries
,
their
pleasant
and
yet
really
hollow
words
,
their
trips
to
do
little
favors
,
or
to
take
the
men
in
and
out
of
the
yard
or
to
their
baths
--
they
were
iron
,
too
--
mere
machines
,
automatons
,
pushing
and
pushing
and
yet
restraining
and
restraining
one
--
within
these
walls
,
as
ready
to
kill
as
to
favor
in
case
of
opposition
--
but
pushing
,
pushing
,
pushing
--
always
toward
that
little
door
over
there
,
from
which
there
was
no
escape
--
no
escape
--
just
on
and
on
--
until
at
last
they
would
push
him
through
it
never
to
return
!
NEVER
TO
RETURN
!
Each
time
he
thought
of
this
he
arose
and
walked
the
floor
.
Afterwards
,
usually
,
he
resumed
the
puzzle
of
his
own
guilt
.
He
tried
to
think
of
Roberta
and
the
evil
he
had
done
her
,
to
read
the
Bible
--
even
--
lying
on
his
face
on
the
iron
cot
--
repeating
over
and
over
:
"
Lord
,
give
me
peace
.
Lord
,
give
me
light
.
Lord
,
give
me
strength
to
resist
any
evil
thoughts
that
I
should
not
have
.
I
know
I
am
not
wholly
white
.
Oh
,
no
.
I
know
I
plotted
evil
.
Yes
,
yes
,
I
know
that
.
I
confess
.
But
must
I
really
die
now
?
Is
there
no
help
?
Will
you
not
help
me
,
Lord
?
Will
you
not
manifest
yourself
,
as
my
mother
says
you
will
--
for
me
?
Will
you
get
the
Governor
to
change
my
sentence
before
the
final
moment
to
life
imprisonment
?
Will
you
get
the
Reverend
McMillan
to
change
his
views
and
go
to
him
,
and
my
mother
,
too
?
I
will
drive
out
all
sinful
thoughts
.
I
will
be
different
.
Oh
,
yes
,
I
will
,
if
you
will
only
spare
me
.
Do
not
let
me
die
now
--
so
soon
.
Do
not
.
I
will
pray
.
Yes
,
I
will
.
Give
me
the
strength
to
understand
and
believe
--
and
pray
.
Oh
,
do
!
"
It
was
like
this
in
those
short
,
horrible
days
between
the
return
of
his
mother
and
the
Reverend
McMillan
from
their
final
visit
to
the
Governor
and
in
his
last
hour
that
Clyde
thought
and
prayed
--
yet
finally
in
a
kind
of
psychic
terror
,
evoked
by
his
uncertainty
as
to
the
meaning
of
the
hereafter
,
his
certainty
of
death
,
and
the
faith
and
emotions
of
his
mother
,
as
well
as
those
of
the
Reverend
McMillan
,
who
was
about
every
day
with
his
interpretations
of
divine
mercy
and
his
exhortations
as
to
the
necessity
of
complete
faith
and
reliance
upon
it
,
he
,
himself
coming
at
last
to
believe
,
not
only
must
he
have
faith
but
that
he
had
it
--
and
peace
--
complete
and
secure
.
In
that
state
,
and
at
the
request
of
the
Reverend
McMillan
,
and
his
mother
,
finally
composing
,
with
the
personal
aid
and
supervision
of
McMillan
,
who
changed
some
of
the
sentences
in
his
presence
and
with
his
consent
,
an
address
to
the
world
,
and
more
particularly
to
young
men
of
his
own
years
,
which
read
:
In
the
shadow
of
the
Valley
of
Death
it
is
my
desire
to
do
everything
that
would
remove
any
doubt
as
to
my
having
found
Jesus
Christ
,
the
personal
Savior
and
unfailing
friend
.
My
one
regret
at
this
time
is
that
I
have
not
given
Him
the
preeminence
in
my
life
while
I
had
the
opportunity
to
work
for
Him
.
If
I
could
only
say
some
one
thing
that
would
draw
young
men
to
Him
I
would
deem
it
the
greatest
privilege
ever
granted
me
.
But
all
I
can
now
say
is
,
"
I
know
in
whom
I
have
believed
,
and
am
persuaded
that
He
is
able
to
keep
that
which
I
have
committed
unto
Him
against
that
day
"
[
a
quotation
that
McMillan
had
familiarized
him
with
]
.
If
the
young
men
of
this
country
could
only
know
the
joy
and
pleasure
of
a
Christian
life
,
I
know
they
would
do
all
in
their
power
to
become
earnest
,
active
Christians
,
and
would
strive
to
live
as
Christ
would
have
them
live
.
