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- Теодор Драйзер
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- Стр. 591/598
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And
Clyde
,
feeling
how
strange
it
was
that
the
Reverend
McMillan
could
not
conscientiously
bring
himself
to
do
more
than
that
for
him
.
How
sad
.
How
hopeless
.
Would
no
one
ever
understand
--
or
give
him
credit
for
his
human
--
if
all
too
human
and
perhaps
wrong
hungers
--
yet
from
which
so
many
others
--
along
with
himself
suffered
?
But
worse
yet
,
if
anything
,
Mrs.
Griffiths
,
because
of
what
the
Reverend
McMillan
had
said
--
or
failed
to
say
,
in
answer
to
the
final
question
asked
by
Governor
Waltham
--
and
although
subsequently
in
answer
to
an
inquiry
of
her
own
,
he
had
repeated
the
statement
,
she
was
staggered
by
the
thought
that
perhaps
,
after
all
,
Clyde
was
as
guilty
as
at
first
she
had
feared
.
And
because
of
that
asking
at
one
point
:
"
Clyde
,
if
there
is
anything
you
have
not
confessed
,
you
must
confess
it
before
you
go
.
"
"
I
have
confessed
everything
to
God
and
to
Mr.
McMillan
,
Mother
.
Is
n't
that
enough
?
"
"
No
,
Clyde
.
You
have
told
the
world
that
you
are
innocent
.
But
if
you
are
not
you
must
say
so
.
"
"
But
if
my
conscience
tells
me
that
I
am
right
,
is
not
that
enough
?
"
"
No
,
not
if
God
's
word
says
differently
,
Clyde
,
"
replied
Mrs.
Griffiths
nervously
--
and
with
great
inward
spiritual
torture
.
But
he
chose
to
say
nothing
further
at
that
time
.
How
could
he
discuss
with
his
mother
or
the
world
the
strange
shadings
which
in
his
confession
and
subsequent
talks
with
the
Reverend
McMillan
he
had
not
been
able
to
solve
.
It
was
not
to
be
done
.
And
because
of
that
refusal
on
her
son
's
part
to
confide
in
her
,
Mrs.
Griffiths
,
tortured
,
not
only
spiritually
but
personally
.
Her
own
son
--
and
so
near
death
and
not
willing
to
say
what
already
apparently
he
had
said
to
Mr.
McMillan
.
Would
not
God
ever
be
done
with
this
testing
her
?
And
yet
on
account
of
what
McMillan
had
already
said
--
that
he
considered
Clyde
,
whatever
his
past
sins
,
contrite
and
clean
before
the
Lord
--
a
youth
truly
ready
to
meet
his
Maker
--
she
was
prone
to
rest
.
The
Lord
was
great
!
He
was
merciful
.
In
His
bosom
was
peace
.
What
was
death
--
what
life
--
to
one
whose
heart
and
mind
were
at
peace
with
Him
?
It
was
nothing
.
A
few
years
(
how
very
few
)
and
she
and
Asa
and
after
them
,
his
brothers
and
sisters
,
would
come
to
join
him
--
and
all
his
miseries
here
would
be
forgotten
.
But
without
peace
in
the
Lord
--
the
full
and
beautiful
realization
of
His
presence
,
love
,
care
and
mercy
...
!
She
was
tremulous
at
moments
now
in
her
spiritual
exaltation
--
no
longer
quite
normal
--
as
Clyde
could
see
and
feel
.
But
also
by
her
prayers
and
anxiety
as
to
his
spiritual
welfare
,
he
was
also
able
to
see
how
little
,
really
,
she
had
ever
understood
of
his
true
moods
and
aspirations
.
He
had
longed
for
so
much
there
in
Kansas
City
and
he
had
had
so
little
.
Things
--
just
things
--
had
seemed
very
important
to
him
--
and
he
had
so
resented
being
taken
out
on
the
street
as
he
had
been
,
before
all
the
other
boys
and
girls
,
many
of
whom
had
all
the
things
that
he
so
craved
,
and
when
he
would
have
been
glad
to
have
been
anywhere
else
in
the
world
than
out
there
--
on
the
street
!
That
mission
life
that
to
his
mother
was
so
wonderful
,
yet
,
to
him
,
so
dreary
!
But
was
it
wrong
for
him
to
feel
so
?
Had
it
been
?
Would
the
Lord
resent
it
now
?
And
,
maybe
,
she
was
right
as
to
her
thoughts
about
him
.
Unquestionably
he
would
have
been
better
off
if
he
had
followed
her
advice
.
But
how
strange
it
was
,
that
to
his
own
mother
,
and
even
now
in
these
closing
hours
,
when
above
all
things
he
craved
sympathy
--
but
more
than
sympathy
,
true
and
deep
understanding
--
even
now
--
and
as
much
as
she
loved
and
sympathized
with
,
and
was
seeking
to
aid
him
with
all
her
strength
in
her
stern
and
self-sacrificing
way
--
still
he
could
not
turn
to
her
now
and
tell
her
,
his
own
mother
,
just
how
it
all
happened
.
It
was
as
though
there
was
an
unsurmountable
wall
or
impenetrable
barrier
between
them
,
built
by
the
lack
of
understanding
--
for
it
was
just
that
.
She
would
never
understand
his
craving
for
ease
and
luxury
,
for
beauty
,
for
love
--
his
particular
kind
of
love
that
went
with
show
,
pleasure
,
wealth
,
position
,
his
eager
and
immutable
aspirations
and
desires
.
She
could
not
understand
these
things
.
She
would
look
on
all
of
it
as
sin
--
evil
,
selfishness
.
And
in
connection
with
all
the
fatal
steps
involving
Roberta
and
Sondra
,
as
adultery
--
unchastity
--
murder
,
even
.
And
she
would
and
did
expect
him
to
be
terribly
sorry
and
wholly
repentant
,
when
,
even
now
,
and
for
all
he
had
said
to
the
Reverend
McMillan
and
to
her
,
he
could
not
feel
so
--
not
wholly
so
--
although
great
was
his
desire
now
to
take
refuge
in
God
,
but
better
yet
,
if
it
were
only
possible
,
in
her
own
understanding
and
sympathetic
heart
.
If
it
were
only
possible
.
