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"
Living
alone
.
What
a
torture
.
"
"
I
am
growing
mad
and
unreasonable
,
"
said
Julien
to
himself
,
striking
his
forehead
.
"
I
am
alone
here
in
this
cell
,
but
I
have
not
lived
alone
on
earth
.
I
had
the
powerful
idea
of
duty
.
The
duty
which
rightly
or
wrongly
I
laid
down
for
myself
,
has
been
to
me
like
the
trunk
of
a
solid
tree
which
I
could
lean
on
during
the
storm
,
I
stumbled
,
I
was
agitated
.
After
all
I
was
only
a
man
,
but
I
was
not
swept
away
.
"
It
must
be
the
damp
air
of
this
cell
which
made
me
think
of
being
alone
.
"
Why
should
I
still
play
the
hypocrite
by
cursing
hypocrisy
?
It
is
neither
death
,
nor
the
cell
,
nor
the
damp
air
,
but
madame
de
Rênal
’
s
absence
which
prostrates
me
.
If
,
in
order
to
see
her
at
Verrières
,
I
had
to
live
whole
weeks
at
Verrières
concealed
in
the
cellars
of
her
house
,
would
I
complain
?
"
"
The
influence
of
my
contemporaries
wins
the
day
,
"
he
said
aloud
,
with
a
bitter
laugh
.
"
Though
I
am
talking
to
myself
and
within
an
ace
of
death
,
I
still
play
the
hypocrite
.
Oh
you
nineteenth
century
!
A
hunter
fires
a
gun
shot
in
the
forest
,
his
quarry
falls
,
he
hastens
forward
to
seize
it
.
His
foot
knocks
against
a
two
-
foot
anthill
,
knocks
down
the
dwelling
place
of
the
ants
,
and
scatters
the
ants
and
their
eggs
far
and
wide
.
The
most
philosophic
among
the
ants
will
never
be
able
to
understand
that
black
,
gigantic
and
terrifying
body
,
the
hunter
’
s
boot
,
which
suddenly
invaded
their
home
with
incredible
rapidity
,
preceded
by
a
frightful
noise
,
and
accompanied
by
flashes
of
reddish
fire
.
"
"
In
the
same
way
,
death
,
life
and
eternity
,
are
very
simple
things
for
anyone
who
has
organs
sufficiently
vast
to
conceive
them
.
An
ephemeral
fly
is
born
at
nine
o
’
clock
in
the
morning
in
the
long
summer
days
,
to
die
at
five
o
’
clock
in
the
evening
How
is
it
to
understand
the
word
’
night
’
?
"
"
Give
it
five
more
hours
of
existence
,
and
it
will
see
night
,
and
understand
its
meaning
.
"
"
So
,
in
my
case
,
I
shall
die
at
the
age
of
twenty
-
three
.
Give
me
five
more
years
of
life
in
order
to
live
with
madame
de
Rênal
.
"
