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The
first
time
I
found
St.
John
alone
after
this
communication
,
I
felt
tempted
to
inquire
if
the
event
distressed
him
:
but
he
seemed
so
little
to
need
sympathy
,
that
,
so
far
from
venturing
to
offer
him
more
,
I
experienced
some
shame
at
the
recollection
of
what
I
had
already
hazarded
.
Besides
,
I
was
out
of
practice
in
talking
to
him
:
his
reserve
was
again
frozen
over
,
and
my
frankness
was
congealed
beneath
it
.
He
had
not
kept
his
promise
of
treating
me
like
his
sisters
;
he
continually
made
little
chilling
differences
between
us
,
which
did
not
at
all
tend
to
the
development
of
cordiality
:
in
short
,
now
that
I
was
acknowledged
his
kinswoman
,
and
lived
under
the
same
roof
with
him
,
I
felt
the
distance
between
us
to
be
far
greater
than
when
he
had
known
me
only
as
the
village
schoolmistress
.
When
I
remembered
how
far
I
had
once
been
admitted
to
his
confidence
,
I
could
hardly
comprehend
his
present
frigidity
.
Such
being
the
case
,
I
felt
not
a
little
surprised
when
he
raised
his
head
suddenly
from
the
desk
over
which
he
was
stooping
,
and
said
--
"
You
see
,
Jane
,
the
battle
is
fought
and
the
victory
won
.
"
Startled
at
being
thus
addressed
,
I
did
not
immediately
reply
:
after
a
moment
's
hesitation
I
answered
--
"
But
are
you
sure
you
are
not
in
the
position
of
those
conquerors
whose
triumphs
have
cost
them
too
dear
?
Would
not
such
another
ruin
you
?
"
"
I
think
not
;
and
if
I
were
,
it
does
not
much
signify
;
I
shall
never
be
called
upon
to
contend
for
such
another
.
The
event
of
the
conflict
is
decisive
:
my
way
is
now
clear
;
I
thank
God
for
it
!
"
So
saying
,
he
returned
to
his
papers
and
his
silence
.
As
our
mutual
happiness
(
i.
e.
,
Diana
's
,
Mary
'
s
,
and
mine
)
settled
into
a
quieter
character
,
and
we
resumed
our
usual
habits
and
regular
studies
,
St.
John
stayed
more
at
home
:
he
sat
with
us
in
the
same
room
,
sometimes
for
hours
together
.
While
Mary
drew
,
Diana
pursued
a
course
of
encyclopaedic
reading
she
had
(
to
my
awe
and
amazement
)
undertaken
,
and
I
fagged
away
at
German
,
he
pondered
a
mystic
lore
of
his
own
:
that
of
some
Eastern
tongue
,
the
acquisition
of
which
he
thought
necessary
to
his
plans
.
Thus
engaged
,
he
appeared
,
sitting
in
his
own
recess
,
quiet
and
absorbed
enough
;
but
that
blue
eye
of
his
had
a
habit
of
leaving
the
outlandish-looking
grammar
,
and
wandering
over
,
and
sometimes
fixing
upon
us
,
his
fellow-students
,
with
a
curious
intensity
of
observation
:
if
caught
,
it
would
be
instantly
withdrawn
;
yet
ever
and
anon
,
it
returned
searchingly
to
our
table
.
I
wondered
what
it
meant
:
I
wondered
,
too
,
at
the
punctual
satisfaction
he
never
failed
to
exhibit
on
an
occasion
that
seemed
to
me
of
small
moment
,
namely
,
my
weekly
visit
to
Morton
school
;
and
still
more
was
I
puzzled
when
,
if
the
day
was
unfavourable
,
if
there
was
snow
,
or
rain
,
or
high
wind
,
and
his
sisters
urged
me
not
to
go
,
he
would
invariably
make
light
of
their
solicitude
,
and
encourage
me
to
accomplish
the
task
without
regard
to
the
elements
.
