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Between
these
two
,
I
now
felt
I
had
to
choose
.
My
two
natures
had
memory
in
common
,
but
all
other
faculties
were
most
unequally
shared
between
them
.
Jekyll
(
who
was
composite
)
now
with
the
most
sensitive
apprehensions
,
now
with
a
greedy
gusto
,
projected
and
shared
in
the
pleasures
and
adventures
of
Hyde
;
but
Hyde
was
indifferent
to
Jekyll
,
or
but
remembered
him
as
the
mountain
bandit
remembers
the
cavern
in
which
he
conceals
himself
from
pursuit
.
Jekyll
had
more
than
a
father
's
interest
;
Hyde
had
more
than
a
son
's
indifference
.
To
cast
in
my
lot
with
Jekyll
,
was
to
die
to
those
appetites
which
I
had
long
secretly
indulged
and
had
of
late
begun
to
pamper
.
To
cast
it
in
with
Hyde
,
was
to
die
to
a
thousand
interests
and
aspirations
,
and
to
become
,
at
a
blow
and
for
ever
,
despised
and
friendless
.
The
bargain
might
appear
unequal
;
but
there
was
still
another
consideration
in
the
scales
;
for
while
Jekyll
would
suffer
smartingly
in
the
fires
of
abstinence
,
Hyde
would
be
not
even
conscious
of
all
that
he
had
lost
.
Strange
as
my
circumstances
were
,
the
terms
of
this
debate
are
as
old
and
commonplace
as
man
;
much
the
same
inducements
and
alarms
cast
the
die
for
any
tempted
and
trembling
sinner
;
and
it
fell
out
with
me
,
as
it
falls
with
so
vast
a
majority
of
my
fellows
,
that
I
chose
the
better
part
and
was
found
wanting
in
the
strength
to
keep
to
it
.
Yes
,
I
preferred
the
elderly
and
discontented
doctor
,
surrounded
by
friends
and
cherishing
honest
hopes
;
and
bade
a
resolute
farewell
to
the
liberty
,
the
comparative
youth
,
the
light
step
,
leaping
impulses
and
secret
pleasures
,
that
I
had
enjoyed
in
the
disguise
of
Hyde
.
I
made
this
choice
perhaps
with
some
unconscious
reservation
,
for
I
neither
gave
up
the
house
in
Soho
,
nor
destroyed
the
clothes
of
Edward
Hyde
,
which
still
lay
ready
in
my
cabinet
.
For
two
months
,
however
,
I
was
true
to
my
determination
;
for
two
months
I
led
a
life
of
such
severity
as
I
had
never
before
attained
to
,
and
enjoyed
the
compensations
of
an
approving
conscience
.
But
time
began
at
last
to
obliterate
the
freshness
of
my
alarm
;
the
praises
of
conscience
began
to
grow
into
a
thing
of
course
;
I
began
to
be
tortured
with
throes
and
longings
,
as
of
Hyde
struggling
after
freedom
;
and
at
last
,
in
an
hour
of
moral
weakness
,
I
once
again
compounded
and
swallowed
the
transforming
draught
.
I
do
not
suppose
that
,
when
a
drunkard
reasons
with
himself
upon
his
vice
,
he
is
once
out
of
five
hundred
times
affected
by
the
dangers
that
he
runs
through
his
brutish
,
physical
insensibility
;
neither
had
I
,
long
as
I
had
considered
my
position
,
made
enough
allowance
for
the
complete
moral
insensibility
and
insensate
readiness
to
evil
,
which
were
the
leading
characters
of
Edward
Hyde
.
Yet
it
was
by
these
that
I
was
punished
.
My
devil
had
been
long
caged
,
he
came
out
roaring
.
I
was
conscious
,
even
when
I
took
the
draught
,
of
a
more
unbridled
,
a
more
furious
propensity
to
ill
.
It
must
have
been
this
,
I
suppose
,
that
stirred
in
my
soul
that
tempest
of
impatience
with
which
I
listened
to
the
civilities
of
my
unhappy
victim
;
I
declare
,
at
least
,
before
God
,
no
man
morally
sane
could
have
been
guilty
of
that
crime
upon
so
pitiful
a
provocation
;
and
that
I
struck
in
no
more
reasonable
spirit
than
that
in
which
a
sick
child
may
break
a
plaything
.
But
I
had
voluntarily
stripped
myself
of
all
those
balancing
instincts
by
which
even
the
worst
of
us
continues
to
walk
with
some
degree
of
steadiness
among
temptations
;
and
in
my
case
,
to
be
tempted
,
however
slightly
,
was
to
fall
.
Instantly
the
spirit
of
hell
awoke
in
me
and
raged
.
With
a
transport
of
glee
,
I
mauled
the
unresisting
body
,
tasting
delight
from
every
blow
;
and
it
was
not
till
weariness
had
begun
to
succeed
,
that
I
was
suddenly
,
in
the
top
fit
of
my
delirium
,
struck
through
the
heart
by
a
cold
thrill
of
terror
.
A
mist
dispersed
;
I
saw
my
life
to
be
forfeit
;
and
fled
from
the
scene
of
these
excesses
,
at
once
glorying
and
trembling
,
my
lust
of
evil
gratified
and
stimulated
,
my
love
of
life
screwed
to
the
topmost
peg
.
I
ran
to
the
house
in
Soho
,
and
(
to
make
assurance
doubly
sure
)
destroyed
my
papers
;
thence
I
set
out
through
the
lamplit
streets
,
in
the
same
divided
ecstasy
of
mind
,
gloating
on
my
crime
,
light-headedly
devising
others
in
the
future
,
and
yet
still
hastening
and
still
hearkening
in
my
wake
for
the
steps
of
the
avenger
.
Hyde
had
a
song
upon
his
lips
as
he
compounded
the
draught
,
and
as
he
drank
it
,
pledged
the
dead
man
.
The
pangs
of
transformation
had
not
done
tearing
him
,
before
Henry
Jekyll
,
with
streaming
tears
of
gratitude
and
remorse
,
had
fallen
upon
his
knees
and
lifted
his
clasped
hands
to
God
.
The
veil
of
self-indulgence
was
rent
from
head
to
foot
,
I
saw
my
life
as
a
whole
:
I
followed
it
up
from
the
days
of
childhood
,
when
I
had
walked
with
my
father
's
hand
,
and
through
the
self-denying
toils
of
my
professional
life
,
to
arrive
again
and
again
,
with
the
same
sense
of
unreality
,
at
the
damned
horrors
of
the
evening
.
I
could
have
screamed
aloud
;
I
sought
with
tears
and
prayers
to
smother
down
the
crowd
of
hideous
images
and
sounds
with
which
my
memory
swarmed
against
me
;
and
still
,
between
the
petitions
,
the
ugly
face
of
my
iniquity
stared
into
my
soul
.
As
the
acuteness
of
this
remorse
began
to
die
away
,
it
was
succeeded
by
a
sense
of
joy
.
The
problem
of
my
conduct
was
solved
.
Hyde
was
thenceforth
impossible
;
whether
I
would
or
not
,
I
was
now
confined
to
the
better
part
of
my
existence
;
and
oh
,
how
I
rejoiced
to
think
it
!
with
what
willing
humility
,
I
embraced
anew
the
restrictions
of
natural
life
!
with
what
sincere
renunciation
,
I
locked
the
door
by
which
I
had
so
often
gone
and
come
,
and
ground
the
key
under
my
heel
!
The
next
day
,
came
the
news
that
the
murder
had
been
overlooked
,
that
the
guilt
of
Hyde
was
patent
to
the
world
,
and
that
the
victim
was
a
man
high
in
public
estimation
.
It
was
not
only
a
crime
,
it
had
been
a
tragic
folly
.
I
think
I
was
glad
to
know
it
;
I
think
I
was
glad
to
have
my
better
impulses
thus
buttressed
and
guarded
by
the
terrors
of
the
scaffold
.
Jekyll
was
now
my
city
of
refuge
;
let
but
Hyde
peep
out
an
instant
,
and
the
hands
of
all
men
would
be
raised
to
take
and
slay
him
.
I
resolved
in
my
future
conduct
to
redeem
the
past
;
and
I
can
say
with
honesty
that
my
resolve
was
fruitful
of
some
good
.
You
know
yourself
how
earnestly
in
the
last
months
of
last
year
,
I
laboured
to
relieve
suffering
;
you
know
that
much
was
done
for
others
,
and
that
the
days
passed
quietly
,
almost
happily
for
myself
.
Nor
can
I
truly
say
that
I
wearied
of
this
beneficent
and
innocent
life
;
I
think
instead
that
I
daily
enjoyed
it
more
completely
;
but
I
was
still
cursed
with
my
duality
of
purpose
;
and
as
the
first
edge
of
my
penitence
wore
off
,
the
lower
side
of
me
,
so
long
indulged
,
so
recently
chained
down
,
began
to
growl
for
licence
.
Not
that
I
dreamed
of
resuscitating
Hyde
;
the
bare
idea
of
that
would
startle
me
to
frenzy
:
no
,
it
was
in
my
own
person
,
that
I
was
once
more
tempted
to
trifle
with
my
conscience
;
and
it
was
as
an
ordinary
secret
sinner
,
that
I
at
last
fell
before
the
assaults
of
temptation
.
