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- Марк Мэнсон
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- Тонкое искусство пофигизма
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- Стр. 84/115
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This
confines
us
and
stifles
us
.
We
can
be
truly
successful
only
at
something
we
’
re
willing
to
fail
at
.
If
we
’
re
unwilling
to
fail
,
then
we
’
re
unwilling
to
succeed
.
A
lot
of
this
fear
of
failure
comes
from
having
chosen
shitty
values
.
For
instance
,
if
I
measure
myself
by
the
standard
“
Make
everyone
I
meet
like
me
,
”
I
will
be
anxious
,
because
failure
is
100
percent
defined
by
the
actions
of
others
,
not
by
my
own
actions
.
I
am
not
in
control
;
thus
my
self
-
worth
is
at
the
mercy
of
judgments
by
others
.
Whereas
if
I
instead
adopt
the
metric
“
Improve
my
social
life
,
”
I
can
live
up
to
my
value
of
“
good
relations
with
others
”
regardless
of
how
other
people
respond
to
me
.
My
self
-
worth
is
based
on
my
own
behaviors
and
happiness
.
Shitty
values
,
as
we
saw
in
chapter
4
,
involve
tangible
external
goals
outside
of
our
control
.
The
pursuit
of
these
goals
causes
great
anxiety
.
And
even
if
we
manage
to
achieve
them
,
they
leave
us
feeling
empty
and
lifeless
,
because
once
they
’
re
achieved
there
are
no
more
problems
to
solve
.
Better
values
,
as
we
saw
,
are
process
-
oriented
.
Something
like
“
Express
myself
honestly
to
others
,
”
a
metric
for
the
value
“
honesty
,
”
is
never
completely
finished
;
it
’
s
a
problem
that
must
continuously
be
reengaged
.
Every
new
conversation
,
every
new
relationship
,
brings
new
challenges
and
opportunities
for
honest
expression
.
The
value
is
an
ongoing
,
lifelong
process
that
defies
completion
.
If
your
metric
for
the
value
“
success
by
worldly
standards
”
is
“
Buy
a
house
and
a
nice
car
,
”
and
you
spend
twenty
years
working
your
ass
off
to
achieve
it
,
once
it
’
s
achieved
the
metric
has
nothing
left
to
give
you
.
Then
say
hello
to
your
midlife
crisis
,
because
the
problem
that
drove
you
your
entire
adult
life
was
just
taken
away
from
you
.
There
are
no
other
opportunities
to
keep
growing
and
improving
,
and
yet
it
’
s
growth
that
generates
happiness
,
not
a
long
list
of
arbitrary
achievements
.
In
this
sense
,
goals
,
as
they
are
conventionally
defined
—
graduate
from
college
,
buy
a
lake
house
,
lose
fifteen
pounds
—
are
limited
in
the
amount
of
happiness
they
can
produce
in
our
lives
.
They
may
be
helpful
when
pursuing
quick
,
short
-
term
benefits
,
but
as
guides
for
the
overall
trajectory
of
our
life
,
they
suck
.
Picasso
remained
prolific
his
entire
life
.
He
lived
into
his
nineties
and
continued
to
produce
art
up
until
his
final
years
.
Had
his
metric
been
“
Become
famous
”
or
“
Make
a
buttload
of
money
in
the
art
world
”
or
“
Paint
one
thousand
pictures
,
”
he
would
have
stagnated
at
some
point
along
the
way
.
He
would
have
been
overcome
by
anxiety
or
self
-
doubt
.
He
likely
wouldn
’
t
have
improved
and
innovated
his
craft
in
the
ways
he
did
decade
after
decade
.
