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In
the
dim
grayness
of
the
parlor
she
fought
a
quick
decisive
battle
with
the
three
most
binding
ties
of
her
soul
--
the
memory
of
Ellen
,
the
teachings
of
her
religion
and
her
love
for
Ashley
.
She
knew
that
what
she
had
in
her
mind
must
be
hideous
to
her
mother
even
in
that
warm
far-off
Heaven
where
she
surely
was
.
She
knew
that
fornication
was
a
mortal
sin
.
And
she
knew
that
,
loving
Ashley
as
she
did
,
her
plan
was
doubly
prostitution
.
But
all
these
things
went
down
before
the
merciless
coldness
of
her
mind
and
the
goad
of
desperation
.
Ellen
was
dead
and
perhaps
death
gave
an
understanding
of
all
things
.
Religion
forbade
fornication
on
pain
of
hell
fire
but
if
the
Church
thought
she
was
going
to
leave
one
stone
unturned
in
saving
Tara
and
saving
the
family
from
starving
--
well
,
let
the
Church
bother
about
that
.
She
would
n't
.
At
least
,
not
now
.
And
Ashley
--
Ashley
did
n't
want
her
.
Yes
,
he
did
want
her
.
The
memory
of
his
warm
mouth
on
hers
told
her
that
.
But
he
would
never
take
her
away
with
him
.
Strange
that
going
away
with
Ashley
did
not
seem
like
a
sin
,
but
with
Rhett
--
In
the
dull
twilight
of
the
winter
afternoon
she
came
to
the
end
of
the
long
road
which
had
begun
the
night
Atlanta
fell
.
She
had
set
her
feet
upon
that
road
a
spoiled
,
selfish
and
untried
girl
,
full
of
youth
,
warm
of
emotion
,
easily
bewildered
by
life
.
Now
,
at
the
end
of
the
road
,
there
was
nothing
left
of
that
girl
.
Hunger
and
hard
labor
,
fear
and
constant
strain
,
the
terrors
of
war
and
the
terrors
of
Reconstruction
had
taken
away
all
warmth
and
youth
and
softness
.
About
the
core
of
her
being
,
a
shell
of
hardness
had
formed
and
,
little
by
little
,
layer
by
layer
,
the
shell
had
thickened
during
the
endless
months
.
But
until
this
very
day
,
two
hopes
had
been
left
to
sustain
her
.
She
had
hoped
that
the
war
being
over
,
life
would
gradually
resume
its
old
face
.
She
had
hoped
that
Ashley
's
return
would
bring
back
some
meaning
into
life
.
Now
both
hopes
were
gone
.
The
sight
of
Jonas
Wilkerson
in
the
front
walk
of
Tara
had
made
her
realize
that
for
her
,
for
the
whole
South
,
the
war
would
never
end
.
The
bitterest
fighting
,
the
most
brutal
retaliations
,
were
just
beginning
.
And
Ashley
was
imprisoned
forever
by
words
which
were
stronger
than
any
jail
.
Peace
had
failed
her
and
Ashley
had
failed
her
,
both
in
the
same
day
,
and
it
was
as
if
the
last
crevice
in
the
shell
had
been
sealed
,
the
final
layer
hardened
.
She
had
become
what
Grandma
Fontaine
had
counseled
against
,
a
woman
who
had
seen
the
worst
and
so
had
nothing
else
to
fear
.
Not
life
nor
Mother
nor
loss
of
love
nor
public
opinion
.
Only
hunger
and
her
nightmare
dream
of
hunger
could
make
her
afraid
.
A
curious
sense
of
lightness
,
of
freedom
,
pervaded
her
now
that
she
had
finally
hardened
her
heart
against
all
that
bound
her
to
the
old
days
and
the
old
Scarlett
.
She
had
made
her
decision
and
,
thank
God
,
she
was
n't
afraid
.
She
had
nothing
to
lose
and
her
mind
was
made
up
.
If
she
could
only
coax
Rhett
into
marrying
her
,
all
would
be
perfect
.
But
if
she
could
n't
--
well
she
'd
get
the
money
just
the
same
.
For
a
brief
moment
she
wondered
with
impersonal
curiosity
what
would
be
expected
of
a
mistress
.
Would
Rhett
insist
on
keeping
her
in
Atlanta
as
people
said
he
kept
the
Watling
woman
?
If
he
made
her
stay
in
Atlanta
,
he
'd
have
to
pay
well
--
pay
enough
to
balance
what
her
absence
from
Tara
would
be
worth
.
Scarlett
was
very
ignorant
of
the
hidden
side
of
men
's
lives
and
had
no
way
of
knowing
just
what
the
arrangement
might
involve
.
And
she
wondered
if
she
would
have
a
baby
.
That
would
be
distinctly
terrible
.
"
I
wo
n't
think
of
that
now
.
I
'll
think
of
it
later
,
"
and
she
pushed
the
unwelcome
idea
into
the
back
of
her
mind
lest
it
shake
her
resolution
.
She
'd
tell
the
family
tonight
she
was
going
to
Atlanta
to
borrow
money
,
to
try
to
mortgage
the
farm
if
necessary
.
That
would
be
all
they
needed
to
know
until
such
an
evil
day
when
they
might
find
out
differently
.
