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- Колин Маккалоу
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- Стр. 533/535
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He
took
her
hand
,
bent
to
kiss
it
,
straightened
,
smiled
into
her
eyes
and
walked
away
.
There
was
a
letter
from
her
mother
on
the
mat
.
Justine
stooped
to
pick
it
up
,
dropped
her
bag
and
wrap
where
it
had
lain
,
her
shoes
nearby
,
and
went
into
the
living
room
.
She
sat
down
heavily
on
a
packing
crate
,
chewing
at
her
lip
,
her
eyes
resting
for
a
moment
in
wondering
,
bewildered
pity
on
a
magnificent
head-and-shoulders
study
of
Dane
taken
to
commemorate
his
ordination
.
Then
she
caught
her
bare
toes
in
the
act
of
caressing
the
rolled-up
kangaroo-fur
rug
,
grimaced
in
distaste
and
got
up
quickly
.
A
short
walk
to
the
kitchen
,
that
was
what
she
needed
.
So
she
took
a
short
walk
to
the
kitchen
,
where
she
opened
the
refrigerator
,
reached
for
the
cream
jug
,
opened
the
freezer
door
and
withdrew
a
can
of
filter
coffee
.
With
one
hand
on
the
cold-water
tap
to
run
water
for
her
coffee
,
she
looked
around
wide-eyed
,
as
it
she
had
never
seen
the
room
before
.
Looked
at
the
flaws
in
the
wallpaper
,
at
the
smug
philodendron
in
its
basket
hung
from
the
ceiling
,
at
the
black
pussy-cat
clock
wagging
its
tail
and
rolling
its
eyes
at
the
spectacle
of
time
being
so
frivolously
frittered
away
.
PACK
HAIR-BRUSH
,
said
the
blackboard
in
large
capitals
.
On
the
table
lay
a
pencil
sketch
of
Rain
she
had
done
some
weeks
ago
.
And
a
packet
of
cigarettes
.
She
took
one
and
lit
it
,
put
the
kettle
on
the
stove
and
remembered
her
mother
's
letter
,
which
was
still
screwed
up
in
one
hand
.
May
as
well
read
it
while
the
water
heated
.
She
sat
down
at
the
kitchen
table
,
flipped
the
drawing
of
Rain
onto
the
floor
and
planted
her
feet
on
top
of
it
.
Up
yours
,
too
,
Rainer
Moerling
Hartheim
!
See
if
I
care
,
you
great
dogmatic
leather-coated
Kraut
twit
.
Got
no
further
use
for
me
,
eh
?
Well
,
nor
have
I
for
you
!
My
dear
Justine
[
said
Meggie
]
No
doubt
you
're
proceeding
with
your
usual
impulsive
speed
,
so
I
hope
this
reaches
you
in
time
.
If
anything
I
've
said
lately
in
my
letters
has
caused
this
sudden
decision
of
yours
,
please
forgive
me
.
I
did
n't
mean
to
provoke
such
a
drastic
reaction
.
I
suppose
I
was
simply
looking
for
a
bit
of
sympathy
,
but
I
always
forget
that
under
that
tough
skin
of
yours
,
you
're
pretty
soft
.
Yes
,
I
'm
lonely
,
terribly
so
.
Yet
it
is
n't
anything
your
coming
home
could
possibly
rectify
.
If
you
stop
to
think
for
a
moment
,
you
'll
see
how
true
that
is
.
What
do
you
hope
to
accomplish
by
coming
home
?
It
is
n't
within
your
power
to
restore
to
me
what
I
've
lost
,
and
you
ca
n't
make
reparation
either
.
Nor
is
it
purely
my
loss
.
It
's
your
loss
too
,
and
Nanna
's
,
and
all
the
rest
.
You
seem
to
have
an
idea
,
and
it
's
quite
a
mistaken
idea
,
that
in
some
way
you
were
responsible
.
This
present
impulse
looks
to
me
suspiciously
like
an
act
of
contrition
.
That
's
pride
and
presumption
,
Justine
.
Dane
was
a
grown
man
,
not
a
helpless
baby
.
I
let
him
go
,
did
n't
I
?
If
I
had
let
myself
feel
the
way
you
do
,
I
'd
be
sitting
here
blaming
myself
into
a
mental
asylum
because
I
had
permitted
him
to
live
his
own
life
.
But
I
'm
not
sitting
here
blaming
myself
.
We
're
none
of
us
God
,
though
I
think
I
've
had
more
chance
to
learn
that
than
you
.
In
coming
home
,
you
're
handing
me
your
life
like
a
sacrifice
.
I
do
n't
want
it
.
I
never
have
wanted
it
.
And
I
refuse
it
now
.
You
do
n't
belong
on
Drogheda
,
you
never
did
.
If
you
still
have
n't
worked
out
where
you
do
belong
,
I
suggest
you
sit
down
right
this
minute
and
start
some
serious
thinking
.
Sometimes
you
really
are
awfully
dense
.
Rainer
is
a
very
nice
man
,
but
I
've
never
yet
met
a
man
who
could
possibly
be
as
altruistic
as
you
seem
to
think
he
is
.
For
Dane
's
sake
indeed
!
Do
grow
up
,
Justine
!
My
dearest
one
,
a
light
has
gone
out
.
For
all
of
us
,
a
light
has
gone
out
.
