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- Колин Маккалоу
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- Стр. 415/535
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I
must
show
Him
that
I
realize
how
unimportant
my
life
as
a
man
is
.
"
"
You
ca
n't
do
it
,
I
wo
n't
let
you
!
"
Meggie
cried
,
her
hand
reaching
for
his
arm
,
clutching
it
.
How
smooth
it
felt
,
the
hint
of
great
power
under
the
skin
,
just
like
Ralph
's
.
Just
like
Ralph
's
!
Not
to
have
some
glossy
girl
put
her
hand
there
,
as
a
right
?
"
I
'm
going
to
be
a
priest
,
"
said
Dane
.
"
I
'm
going
to
enter
His
service
completely
,
offer
everything
I
have
and
am
to
Him
,
as
His
priest
.
Poverty
,
chastity
and
obedience
.
He
demands
no
less
than
all
from
His
chosen
servants
.
It
wo
n't
be
easy
,
but
I
'm
going
to
do
it
.
"
The
look
in
her
eyes
!
As
if
he
had
killed
her
,
ground
her
into
the
dust
beneath
his
foot
.
That
he
should
have
to
suffer
this
he
had
n't
known
,
dreaming
only
of
her
pride
in
him
,
her
pleasure
at
giving
her
son
to
God
.
They
said
she
'd
be
thrilled
,
uplifted
,
completely
in
accord
.
Instead
she
was
staring
at
him
as
if
the
prospect
of
his
priesthood
was
her
death
sentence
.
"
It
's
all
I
've
ever
wanted
to
be
,
"
he
said
in
despair
,
meeting
those
dying
eyes
.
"
Oh
,
Mum
,
ca
n't
you
understand
?
I
've
never
,
never
wanted
to
be
anything
but
a
priest
!
I
ca
n't
be
anything
but
a
priest
!
"
Her
hand
fell
from
his
arm
;
he
glanced
down
and
saw
the
white
marks
of
her
fingers
,
the
little
arcs
in
his
skin
where
her
nails
had
bitten
deeply
.
Her
head
went
up
,
she
laughed
on
and
on
and
on
,
huge
hysterical
peals
of
bitter
,
derisive
laughter
.
"
Oh
,
it
's
too
good
to
be
true
!
"
she
gasped
when
she
could
speak
again
,
wiping
the
tears
from
the
corners
of
her
eyes
with
a
trembling
hand
.
"
The
incredible
irony
!
Ashes
of
roses
,
he
said
that
night
riding
to
the
borehead
.
And
I
did
n't
understand
what
he
meant
.
Ashes
thou
wert
,
unto
ashes
return
.
To
the
Church
thou
belongest
,
to
the
Church
thou
shalt
be
given
.
Oh
,
it
's
beautiful
,
beautiful
!
God
rot
God
,
I
say
!
God
the
sod
!
The
utmost
Enemy
of
women
,
that
's
what
God
is
!
Everything
we
seek
to
do
,
He
seeks
to
undo
!
"
"
Oh
,
do
n't
!
Oh
,
do
n't
Mum
,
do
n't
!
"
He
wept
for
her
,
for
her
pain
,
not
understanding
her
pain
or
the
words
she
was
saying
.
His
tears
fell
,
twisted
in
his
heart
;
already
the
sacrifice
had
begun
,
and
in
a
way
he
had
n't
dreamed
.
But
though
he
wept
for
her
,
not
even
for
her
could
he
put
it
aside
,
the
sacrifice
.
The
offering
must
be
made
,
and
the
harder
it
was
to
make
,
the
more
valuable
it
must
be
in
His
eyes
.
She
had
made
him
weep
,
and
never
in
all
his
life
until
now
had
she
made
him
weep
.
Her
own
rage
and
grief
were
put
away
resolutely
.
No
,
it
was
n't
fair
to
visit
herself
upon
him
.
What
he
was
his
genes
had
made
him
.
Or
his
God
.
Or
Ralph
's
God
.
He
was
the
light
of
her
life
,
her
son
.
He
should
not
be
made
to
suffer
because
of
her
,
ever
.
"
Dane
,
do
n't
cry
,
"
she
whispered
,
stroking
the
angry
marks
on
his
arm
.
"
I
'm
sorry
,
I
did
n't
mean
it
.
You
gave
me
a
shock
,
that
's
all
.
Of
course
I
'm
glad
for
you
,
truly
I
am
!
How
could
I
not
be
?
I
was
shocked
;
I
just
did
n't
expect
it
,
that
's
all
.
"
She
chuckled
,
a
little
shakily
.
