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He
smiled
.
"
The
birds
and
the
bees
,
you
mean
?
"
"
That
you
know
,
with
Justine
for
a
sister
.
When
she
discovered
what
lay
between
the
covers
of
physiology
textbooks
she
blurted
it
all
out
to
everyone
.
No
,
I
mean
have
you
ever
put
any
of
Justine
's
clinical
treatises
into
practice
?
"
His
head
moved
in
a
quick
negative
shake
,
he
slid
down
onto
the
grass
beside
her
and
looked
into
her
face
.
"
Funny
you
should
ask
that
,
Mum
.
I
've
been
wanting
to
talk
to
you
about
it
for
a
long
time
,
but
I
did
n't
know
how
to
start
.
"
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"
You
're
only
eighteen
,
love
.
Is
n't
it
a
bit
soon
to
be
thinking
of
putting
theory
into
practice
?
"
Only
eighteen
.
Only
.
He
was
a
man
,
was
n't
he
?
"
That
's
it
,
what
I
wanted
to
talk
to
you
about
.
Not
putting
it
into
practice
at
all
.
"
How
cold
the
wind
was
,
blowing
down
from
the
Great
Divide
.
Peculiar
,
she
had
n't
noticed
until
now
.
Where
was
her
robe
?
"
Not
putting
it
into
practice
at
all
,
"
she
said
dully
,
and
it
was
not
a
question
.
"
That
's
right
.
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I
do
n't
want
to
,
ever
.
Not
that
I
have
n't
thought
about
it
,
or
wanted
a
wife
and
children
.
I
have
.
But
I
ca
n't
.
Because
there
is
n't
enough
room
to
love
them
and
God
as
well
,
not
the
way
I
want
to
love
God
.
I
've
known
that
for
a
long
time
.
I
do
n't
seem
to
remember
a
time
when
I
did
n't
,
and
the
older
I
become
the
greater
my
love
for
God
grows
.
It
's
a
great
mystery
,
loving
God
.
"
Meggie
lay
looking
into
those
calm
,
distant
blue
eyes
.
Ralph
's
eyes
,
as
they
used
to
be
.
But
ablaze
with
something
quite
alien
to
Ralph
's
.
Had
he
had
it
,
at
eighteen
?
Had
he
?
Was
it
perhaps
something
one
could
only
experience
at
eighteen
?
By
the
time
she
entered
Ralph
's
life
,
he
was
ten
years
beyond
that
.
Yet
her
son
was
a
mystic
,
she
had
always
known
it
.
And
she
did
n't
think
that
at
any
stage
of
his
life
Ralph
had
been
mystically
inclined
.
She
swallowed
,
wrapped
the
robe
closer
about
her
lonely
bones
.
"
So
I
asked
myself
,
"
Dane
went
on
,
"
what
I
could
do
to
show
Him
how
much
I
loved
Him
.
I
fought
the
answer
for
a
long
time
,
I
did
n't
want
to
see
it
.
Because
I
wanted
a
life
as
a
man
,
too
,
very
much
.
Yet
I
knew
what
the
offering
had
to
be
,
I
knew
...
There
's
only
one
thing
I
can
offer
Him
,
to
show
Him
nothing
else
will
ever
exist
in
my
heart
before
Him
.
I
must
offer
up
His
only
rival
;
that
's
the
sacrifice
He
demands
of
me
.
I
am
His
servant
,
and
He
will
have
no
rivals
.
I
have
had
to
choose
.
All
things
He
'll
let
me
have
and
enjoy
,
save
that
.
"
He
sighed
,
plucked
at
a
blade
of
Drogheda
grass
.
"
I
must
show
Him
that
I
understand
why
He
gave
me
so
much
at
my
birth
.