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But
my
brain
got
more
and
more
confused
.
At
last
I
sprang
out
of
bed
to
look
for
the
water-tap
.
I
was
not
thirsty
,
but
my
head
was
in
a
fever
,
and
I
felt
an
instinctive
longing
for
water
.
When
I
had
drunk
some
I
got
into
bed
again
,
and
determined
with
all
my
might
to
settle
to
sleep
.
I
closed
my
eyes
and
forced
myself
to
keep
quiet
.
I
lay
thus
for
some
minutes
without
making
a
movement
,
sweated
and
felt
my
blood
jerk
violently
through
my
veins
.
No
,
it
was
really
too
delicious
the
way
he
thought
to
find
money
in
the
paper
cornet
!
He
only
coughed
once
,
too
!
I
wonder
if
he
is
pacing
up
and
down
there
yet
!
Sitting
on
my
bench
?
the
pearly
blue
sea
...
the
ships
...
.
I
opened
my
eyes
;
how
could
I
keep
them
shut
when
I
could
not
sleep
?
The
same
darkness
brooded
over
me
;
the
same
unfathomable
black
eternity
which
my
thoughts
strove
against
and
could
not
understand
.
I
made
the
most
despairing
efforts
to
find
a
word
black
enough
to
characterize
this
darkness
;
a
word
so
horribly
black
that
it
would
darken
my
lips
if
I
named
it
.
Lord
!
how
dark
it
was
!
and
I
am
carried
back
in
thought
to
the
sea
and
the
dark
monsters
that
lay
in
wait
for
me
.
They
would
draw
me
to
them
,
and
clutch
me
tightly
and
bear
me
away
by
land
and
sea
,
through
dark
realms
that
no
soul
has
seen
.
I
feel
myself
on
board
,
drawn
through
waters
,
hovering
in
clouds
,
sinking
--
sinking
.
I
give
a
hoarse
cry
of
terror
,
clutch
the
bed
tightly
--
I
had
made
such
a
perilous
journey
,
whizzing
down
through
space
like
a
bolt
.
Oh
,
did
I
not
feel
that
I
was
saved
as
I
struck
my
hands
against
the
wooden
frame
!
"
This
is
the
way
one
dies
!
"
said
I
to
myself
.
"
Now
you
will
die
!
"
and
I
lay
for
a
while
and
thought
over
that
I
was
to
die
.
Then
I
start
up
in
bed
and
ask
severely
,
"
If
I
found
the
word
,
am
I
not
absolutely
within
my
right
to
decide
myself
what
it
is
to
signify
?
"
...
I
could
hear
myself
that
I
was
raving
.
I
could
hear
it
now
whilst
I
was
talking
.
My
madness
was
a
delirium
of
weakness
and
prostration
,
but
I
was
not
out
of
my
senses
.
All
at
once
the
thought
darted
through
my
brain
that
I
was
insane
.
Seized
with
terror
,
I
spring
out
of
bed
again
,
I
stagger
to
the
door
,
which
I
try
to
open
,
fling
myself
against
it
a
couple
of
times
to
burst
it
,
strike
my
head
against
the
wall
,
bewail
loudly
,
bite
my
fingers
,
cry
and
curse
...
.
All
was
quiet
;
only
my
own
voice
echoed
from
the
walls
.
I
had
fallen
to
the
floor
,
incapable
of
stumbling
about
the
cell
any
longer
.
Lying
there
I
catch
a
glimpse
,
high
up
,
straight
before
my
eyes
,
of
a
greyish
square
in
the
wall
,
a
suggestion
of
white
,
a
presage
--
it
must
be
of
daylight
.
I
felt
it
must
be
daylight
,
felt
it
through
every
pore
in
my
body
.
Oh
,
did
I
not
draw
a
breath
of
delighted
relief
!
I
flung
myself
flat
on
the
floor
and
cried
for
very
joy
over
this
blessed
glimpse
of
light
,
sobbed
for
very
gratitude
,
blew
a
kiss
to
the
window
,
and
conducted
myself
like
a
maniac
.
And
at
this
moment
I
was
perfectly
conscious
of
what
I
was
doing
.
All
my
dejection
had
vanished
;
all
despair
and
pain
had
ceased
,
and
I
had
at
this
moment
,
at
least
as
far
as
my
thought
reached
,
not
a
wish
unfilled
.
I
sat
up
on
the
floor
,
folded
my
hands
,
and
waited
patiently
for
the
dawn
.
What
a
night
this
had
been
!
That
they
had
not
heard
any
noise
!
I
thought
with
astonishment
.
But
then
I
was
in
the
reserved
section
,
high
above
all
the
prisoners
.
A
homeless
Cabinet
Minister
,
if
I
might
say
so
.
