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It
seemed
beyond
all
measure
dense
to
me
,
and
I
felt
its
presence
oppress
me
.
I
closed
my
eyes
,
commenced
to
sing
under
my
breath
,
and
tossed
to
and
fro
,
in
order
to
distract
myself
,
but
to
no
purpose
.
The
darkness
had
taken
possession
of
my
thoughts
and
left
me
not
a
moment
in
peace
.
Supposing
I
were
myself
to
be
absorbed
in
darkness
;
made
one
with
it
?
I
raise
myself
up
in
bed
and
fling
out
my
arms
.
My
nervous
condition
has
got
the
upper
hand
of
me
,
and
nothing
availed
,
no
matter
how
much
I
tried
to
work
against
it
.
There
I
sat
,
a
prey
to
the
most
singular
fantasies
,
listening
to
myself
crooning
lullabies
,
sweating
with
the
exertion
of
striving
to
hush
myself
to
rest
.
I
peered
into
the
gloom
,
and
I
never
in
all
the
days
of
my
life
felt
such
darkness
.
There
was
no
doubt
that
I
found
myself
here
,
in
face
of
a
peculiar
kind
of
darkness
;
a
desperate
element
to
which
no
one
had
hitherto
paid
attention
.
The
most
ludicrous
thoughts
busied
me
,
and
everything
made
me
afraid
.
A
little
hole
in
the
wall
at
the
head
of
my
bed
occupies
me
greatly
--
a
nail
hole
.
I
find
the
marks
in
the
wall
--
I
feel
it
,
blow
into
it
,
and
try
to
guess
its
depth
.
That
was
no
innocent
hole
--
not
at
all
.
It
was
a
downright
intricate
and
mysterious
hole
,
which
I
must
guard
against
!
Possessed
by
the
thought
of
this
hole
,
entirely
beside
myself
with
curiosity
and
fear
,
I
get
out
of
bed
and
seize
hold
of
my
penknife
in
order
to
gauge
its
depth
,
and
convince
myself
that
it
does
not
reach
right
into
the
next
wall
.
I
lay
down
once
more
to
try
and
fall
asleep
,
but
in
reality
to
wrestle
again
with
the
darkness
.
The
rain
had
ceased
outside
,
and
I
could
not
hear
a
sound
.
I
continued
for
a
long
time
to
listen
for
footsteps
in
the
street
,
and
got
no
peace
until
I
heard
a
pedestrian
go
by
--
to
judge
from
the
sound
,
a
constable
.
Suddenly
I
snap
my
fingers
many
times
and
laugh
:
"
That
was
the
very
deuce
!
Ha
--
ha
!
"
I
imagined
I
had
discovered
a
new
word
.
I
rise
up
in
bed
and
say
,
"
It
is
not
in
the
language
;
I
have
discovered
it
.
'
Kuboa
.
'
It
has
letters
as
a
word
has
.
By
the
benign
God
,
man
,
you
have
discovered
a
word
!
...
'
Kuboa
'
...
a
word
of
profound
import
.
"
I
sit
with
open
eyes
,
amazed
at
my
own
find
,
and
laugh
for
joy
.
Then
I
begin
to
whisper
;
some
one
might
spy
on
me
,
and
I
intended
to
keep
my
discovery
a
secret
.
I
entered
into
the
joyous
frenzy
of
hunger
.
I
was
empty
and
free
from
pain
,
and
I
gave
free
rein
to
my
thoughts
.
In
all
calmness
I
revolve
things
in
my
mind
.
With
the
most
singular
jerks
in
my
chain
of
ideas
I
seek
to
explain
the
meaning
of
my
new
word
.
There
was
no
occasion
for
it
to
mean
either
God
or
the
Tivoli
;
4
and
who
said
that
it
was
to
signify
cattle
show
?
I
clench
my
hands
fiercely
,
and
repeat
once
again
,
"
Who
said
that
it
was
to
signify
cattle
show
?
"
No
;
on
second
thoughts
,
it
was
not
absolutely
necessary
that
it
should
mean
padlock
,
or
sunrise
.
It
was
not
difficult
to
find
a
meaning
for
such
a
word
as
this
.
I
would
wait
and
see
.
In
the
meantime
I
could
sleep
on
it
.
I
lie
there
on
the
stretcher-bed
and
laugh
slily
,
but
say
nothing
;
give
vent
to
no
opinion
one
way
or
the
other
.
Some
minutes
pass
over
,
and
I
wax
nervous
;
this
new
word
torments
me
unceasingly
,
returns
again
and
again
,
takes
up
my
thoughts
,
and
makes
me
serious
.
I
had
fully
formed
an
opinion
as
to
what
it
should
not
signify
,
but
had
come
to
no
conclusion
as
to
what
it
should
signify
.
"
That
is
quite
a
matter
of
detail
,
"
I
said
aloud
to
myself
,
and
I
clutched
my
arm
and
reiterated
:
"
That
is
quite
a
matter
of
detail
.
"
The
word
was
found
,
God
be
praised
!
and
that
was
the
principal
thing
.
But
ideas
worry
me
without
end
and
hinder
me
from
falling
asleep
.
Nothing
seemed
good
enough
to
me
for
this
unusually
rare
word
.
At
length
I
sit
up
in
bed
again
,
grasp
my
head
in
both
hands
,
and
say
,
"
No
!
it
is
just
this
,
it
is
impossible
to
let
it
signify
emigration
or
tobacco
factory
.
If
it
could
have
meant
anything
like
that
I
would
have
decided
upon
it
long
since
and
taken
the
consequences
.
"
No
;
in
reality
the
word
is
fitted
to
signify
something
psychical
,
a
feeling
,
a
state
.
Could
I
not
apprehend
it
?
and
I
reflect
profoundly
in
order
to
find
something
psychical
.
Then
it
seems
to
me
that
some
one
is
interposing
,
interrupting
my
confab
.
I
answer
angrily
,
"
Beg
pardon
!
Your
match
in
idiocy
is
not
to
be
found
;
no
,
sir
!
Knitting
cotton
?
Ah
!
go
to
hell
!
"
Well
,
really
I
had
to
laugh
.
Might
I
ask
why
should
I
be
forced
to
let
it
signify
knitting
cotton
,
when
I
had
a
special
dislike
to
its
signifying
knitting
cotton
?
I
had
discovered
the
word
myself
,
so
,
for
that
matter
,
I
was
perfectly
within
my
right
in
letting
it
signify
whatsoever
I
pleased
.
As
far
as
I
was
aware
,
I
had
not
yet
expressed
an
opinion
as
to
...
.
