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I
staggered
toward
the
little
round
chicken-wired
window
in
the
door
of
the
room
and
tapped
it
with
my
knuckles
.
I
saw
an
aide
coming
up
the
hall
with
a
tray
for
me
and
knew
this
time
I
had
them
beat
.
There
had
been
times
when
I
'd
wandered
around
in
a
daze
for
as
long
as
two
weeks
after
a
shock
treatment
,
living
in
that
foggy
,
jumbled
blur
which
is
a
whole
lot
like
the
ragged
edge
of
sleep
,
that
gray
zone
between
light
and
dark
,
or
between
sleeping
and
waking
or
living
and
dying
,
where
you
know
you
're
not
unconscious
any
more
but
do
n't
know
yet
what
day
it
is
or
who
you
are
or
what
's
the
use
of
coming
back
at
all
--
for
two
weeks
.
If
you
do
n't
have
a
reason
to
wake
up
you
can
loaf
around
in
that
gray
zone
for
a
long
,
fuzzy
time
,
or
if
you
want
to
bad
enough
I
found
you
can
come
fighting
right
out
of
it
.
This
time
I
came
fighting
out
of
it
in
less
than
a
day
,
less
time
than
ever
.
And
when
the
fog
was
finally
swept
from
my
head
it
seemed
like
I
'd
just
come
up
after
a
long
,
deep
dive
,
breaking
the
surface
after
being
under
water
a
hundred
years
.
It
was
the
last
treatment
they
gave
me
.
They
gave
McMurphy
three
more
treatments
that
week
.
As
quick
as
he
started
coming
out
of
one
,
getting
the
click
back
in
his
wink
,
Miss
Ratched
would
arrive
with
the
doctor
and
they
would
ask
him
if
he
felt
like
he
was
ready
to
come
around
and
face
up
to
his
problem
and
come
back
to
the
ward
for
a
cure
.
And
he
'd
swell
up
,
aware
that
every
one
of
those
faces
on
Disturbed
had
turned
toward
him
and
was
waiting
,
and
he
'd
tell
the
nurse
he
regretted
that
he
had
but
one
life
to
give
for
his
country
and
she
could
kiss
his
rosy
red
ass
before
he
'd
give
up
the
goddam
ship
.
Yeh
!
Then
stand
up
and
take
a
couple
of
bows
to
those
guys
grinning
at
him
while
the
nurse
led
the
doctor
into
the
station
to
phone
over
to
the
Main
Building
and
authorize
another
treatment
.
Once
,
as
she
turned
to
walk
away
,
he
got
hold
of
her
through
the
back
of
her
uniform
,
gave
her
a
pinch
that
turned
her
face
red
as
his
hair
.
I
think
if
the
doctor
had
n't
been
there
,
hiding
a
grin
himself
,
she
would
've
slapped
McMurphy
's
face
.
I
tried
to
talk
him
into
playing
along
with
her
so
's
to
get
out
of
the
treatments
,
but
he
just
laughed
and
told
me
Hell
,
all
they
was
doin
'
was
chargin
'
his
battery
for
him
,
free
for
nothing
.
"
When
I
get
out
of
here
the
first
woman
that
takes
on
ol'
Red
McMurphy
the
ten-thousand-watt
psychopath
,
she
's
gon
na
light
up
like
a
pinball
machine
and
pay
off
in
silver
dollars
!
No
,
I
ai
n't
scared
of
their
little
battery-charger
.
"
He
insisted
it
was
n't
hurting
him
.
He
would
n't
even
take
his
capsules
.
But
every
time
that
loudspeaker
called
for
him
to
forgo
breakfast
and
prepare
to
walk
to
Building
One
,
the
muscles
in
his
jaw
went
taut
and
his
whole
face
drained
of
color
,
looking
thin
and
scared
--
the
face
I
had
seen
reflected
in
the
windshield
on
the
trip
back
from
the
coast
.
I
left
Disturbed
at
the
end
of
the
week
and
went
back
to
the
ward
.
I
had
a
lot
of
things
I
wanted
to
say
to
him
before
I
went
,
but
he
'd
just
come
back
from
a
treatment
and
was
sitting
following
the
ping-pong
ball
with
his
eyes
like
he
was
wired
to
it
.
