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If
somebody
'd
of
come
in
and
took
a
look
,
men
watching
a
blank
TV
,
a
fifty-year-old
woman
hollering
and
squealing
at
the
back
of
their
heads
about
discipline
and
order
and
recriminations
,
they
'd
of
thought
the
whole
bunch
was
crazy
as
loons
.
Just
at
the
edge
of
my
vision
I
can
see
that
white
enamel
face
in
the
Nurses
'
Station
,
teetering
over
the
desk
,
see
it
warp
and
flow
as
it
tries
to
pull
back
into
shape
.
The
rest
of
the
guys
are
watching
too
,
though
they
're
trying
to
act
like
they
are
n't
.
They
're
trying
to
act
like
they
still
got
their
eyes
on
nothing
but
that
blank
TV
in
front
of
us
,
but
anyone
can
see
they
're
all
sneaking
looks
at
the
Big
Nurse
behind
her
glass
there
,
just
the
same
as
I
am
.
For
the
first
time
she
's
on
the
other
side
of
the
glass
and
getting
a
taste
of
how
it
feels
to
be
watched
when
you
wish
more
than
anything
else
to
be
able
to
pull
a
green
shade
between
your
face
and
all
the
eyes
that
you
ca
n't
get
away
from
.
The
residents
,
the
black
boys
,
all
the
little
nurses
,
they
're
watching
her
too
,
waiting
for
her
to
go
down
the
hall
where
it
's
time
for
the
meeting
she
herself
called
,
and
waiting
to
see
how
she
'll
act
now
that
it
's
known
she
can
be
made
to
lose
control
.
She
knows
they
're
watching
,
but
she
do
n't
move
.
Not
even
when
they
start
strolling
down
to
the
staff
room
without
her
.
I
notice
all
the
machinery
in
the
wall
is
quiet
,
like
it
's
still
waiting
for
her
to
move
.
There
's
no
more
fog
any
place
.
All
of
a
sudden
I
remember
I
'm
supposed
to
clean
the
staff
room
.
I
always
go
down
and
clean
the
staff
room
during
these
meetings
they
have
,
been
doing
it
for
years
.
But
now
I
'm
too
scared
to
get
out
of
my
chair
.
The
staff
always
let
me
clean
the
room
because
they
did
n't
think
I
could
hear
,
but
now
that
they
saw
me
lift
my
hand
when
McMurphy
told
me
to
,
wo
n't
they
know
I
can
hear
?
Wo
n't
they
figure
I
been
hearing
all
these
years
,
listening
to
secrets
meant
only
for
their
ears
?
What
'll
they
do
to
me
in
that
staff
room
if
they
know
that
?
Still
,
they
expect
me
to
be
in
there
.
If
I
'm
not
,
they
'll
know
for
sure
that
I
can
hear
,
be
way
ahead
of
me
,
thinking
,
You
see
?
He
is
n't
in
here
cleaning
,
do
n't
that
prove
it
?
It
's
obvious
what
's
to
be
done
...
.
I
'm
just
getting
the
full
force
of
the
dangers
we
let
ourselves
in
for
when
we
let
McMurphy
lure
us
out
of
the
fog
.
There
's
a
black
boy
leaning
against
the
wall
near
the
door
,
arms
crossed
,
pink
tongue
tip
darting
back
and
forth
over
his
lips
,
watching
us
sitting
in
front
of
the
TV
set
.
His
eyes
dart
back
and
forth
like
his
tongue
and
stop
on
me
,
and
I
see
his
leather
eyelids
raise
a
little
.
He
watches
me
for
a
long
time
,
and
I
know
he
's
wondering
about
the
way
I
acted
in
the
group
meeting
.
Then
he
comes
off
the
wall
with
a
lurch
,
breaking
contact
,
and
goes
to
the
broom
closet
and
brings
back
a
bucket
of
soapy
water
and
a
sponge
,
drags
my
arms
up
and
hangs
the
bucket
bale
over
it
,
like
hanging
a
kettle
on
a
fireplace
boom
.
"
Le
's
go
,
Chief
,
"
he
says
.
"
Le
's
get
up
and
get
to
your
duties
.
"
