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I
think
about
the
fact
that
Gran
and
Gramps
are
in
Portland
with
me
.
And
that
all
anyone
in
that
waiting
room
is
talking
about
is
me
,
how
they
are
avoiding
mentioning
Mom
or
Dad
or
Teddy
.
I
think
about
Willow
’
s
face
,
which
looks
like
it
has
been
scrubbed
clean
of
all
joy
.
And
I
think
about
what
she
told
Adam
,
that
I
need
him
now
.
More
than
ever
.
And
that
’
s
how
I
know
.
Teddy
.
He
’
s
gone
,
too
.
Mom
went
into
labor
three
days
before
Christmas
,
and
she
insisted
we
go
holiday
shopping
together
.
"
Shouldn
’
t
you
like
lie
down
or
go
to
the
birthing
center
or
something
?
"
I
asked
.
Mom
grimaced
through
a
cramp
.
"
Nah
.
The
contractions
aren
’
t
that
bad
and
are
still
like
twenty
minutes
apart
.
I
cleaned
our
entire
house
,
from
top
to
bottom
,
while
I
was
in
early
labor
with
you
.
"
"
Putting
the
labor
in
labor
,
"
I
joked
.
"
You
’
re
a
smart
-
ass
,
you
know
that
?
"
Mom
said
.
She
took
a
few
breaths
.
"
I
’
ve
got
a
ways
to
go
.
Now
come
on
.
Let
’
s
take
the
bus
to
the
mall
.
I
’
m
not
up
to
driving
.
"
"
Shouldn
’
t
we
call
Dad
?
"
I
asked
.
Mom
laughed
at
that
.
"
Please
,
it
’
s
enough
for
me
to
have
to
birth
this
baby
.
I
don
’
t
need
to
deal
with
him
,
too
.
We
’
ll
call
him
when
I
’
m
ready
to
pop
.
I
’
d
much
rather
have
you
around
.
"
So
Mom
and
I
wandered
around
the
mall
,
stopping
every
couple
minutes
so
she
could
sit
down
and
take
deep
breaths
and
squeeze
my
wrist
so
hard
it
left
angry
red
marks
.
Still
,
it
was
a
weirdly
fun
and
productive
morning
.
We
bought
presents
for
Gran
and
Gramps
(
a
sweater
with
an
angel
on
it
and
a
new
book
about
Abraham
Lincoln
)
and
toys
for
the
baby
and
a
new
pair
of
rain
boots
for
me
.
Usually
we
waited
for
the
holiday
sales
to
buy
stuff
like
that
,
but
Mom
said
that
this
year
we
’
d
be
too
busy
changing
diapers
.
"
Now
’
s
not
the
time
to
be
cheap
.
Ow
,
fuck
.
Sorry
,
Mia
.
Come
on
.
Let
’
s
go
get
pie
.
"
