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- Федор Достоевский
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- Стр. 342/592
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As
to
recollecting
what
he
had
been
thinking
of
all
that
time
,
he
could
not
.
He
caught
himself
,
however
,
indulging
in
one
thought
which
made
him
roar
with
laughter
,
though
there
was
nothing
really
to
laugh
at
in
it
;
but
he
felt
that
he
must
laugh
,
and
go
on
laughing
.
It
struck
him
that
the
idea
of
the
duel
might
not
have
occurred
to
Keller
alone
,
but
that
his
lesson
in
the
art
of
pistol-loading
might
have
been
not
altogether
accidental
!
"
Pooh
!
nonsense
!
"
he
said
to
himself
,
struck
by
another
thought
,
of
a
sudden
.
"
Why
,
she
was
immensely
surprised
to
find
me
there
on
the
verandah
,
and
laughed
and
talked
about
tea
!
And
yet
she
had
this
little
note
in
her
hand
,
therefore
she
must
have
known
that
I
was
sitting
there
.
So
why
was
she
surprised
?
Ha
,
ha
,
ha
!
"
He
pulled
the
note
out
and
kissed
it
;
then
paused
and
reflected
.
"
How
strange
it
all
is
!
how
strange
!
"
he
muttered
,
melancholy
enough
now
.
In
moments
of
great
joy
,
he
invariably
felt
a
sensation
of
melancholy
come
over
him
--
he
could
not
tell
why
.
He
looked
intently
around
him
,
and
wondered
why
he
had
come
here
;
he
was
very
tired
,
so
he
approached
the
bench
and
sat
down
on
it
.
Around
him
was
profound
silence
;
the
music
in
the
Vauxhall
was
over
.
The
park
seemed
quite
empty
,
though
it
was
not
,
in
reality
,
later
than
half-past
eleven
.
It
was
a
quiet
,
warm
,
clear
night
--
a
real
Petersburg
night
of
early
June
;
but
in
the
dense
avenue
,
where
he
was
sitting
,
it
was
almost
pitch
dark
.
If
anyone
had
come
up
at
this
moment
and
told
him
that
he
was
in
love
,
passionately
in
love
,
he
would
have
rejected
the
idea
with
astonishment
,
and
,
perhaps
,
with
irritation
.
And
if
anyone
had
added
that
Aglaya
's
note
was
a
love-letter
,
and
that
it
contained
an
appointment
to
a
lover
's
rendezvous
,
he
would
have
blushed
with
shame
for
the
speaker
,
and
,
probably
,
have
challenged
him
to
a
duel
.
All
this
would
have
been
perfectly
sincere
on
his
part
.
He
had
never
for
a
moment
entertained
the
idea
of
the
possibility
of
this
girl
loving
him
,
or
even
of
such
a
thing
as
himself
falling
in
love
with
her
.
The
possibility
of
being
loved
himself
,
"
a
man
like
me
,
"
as
he
put
it
,
he
ranked
among
ridiculous
suppositions
.
It
appeared
to
him
that
it
was
simply
a
joke
on
Aglaya
's
part
,
if
there
really
were
anything
in
it
at
all
;
but
that
seemed
to
him
quite
natural
.
His
preoccupation
was
caused
by
something
different
.
As
to
the
few
words
which
the
general
had
let
slip
about
Aglaya
laughing
at
everybody
,
and
at
himself
most
of
all
--
he
entirely
believed
them
.
He
did
not
feel
the
slightest
sensation
of
offence
;
on
the
contrary
,
he
was
quite
certain
that
it
was
as
it
should
be
.
His
whole
thoughts
were
now
as
to
next
morning
early
;
he
would
see
her
;
he
would
sit
by
her
on
that
little
green
bench
,
and
listen
to
how
pistols
were
loaded
,
and
look
at
her
.
He
wanted
nothing
more
.
