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What
nonsense
,
he
thought
.
What
rot
you
get
to
thinking
by
yourself
.
That
is
really
nonsense
.
And
maybe
it
isn
’
t
nonsense
too
.
Well
,
we
will
see
.
The
last
time
I
slept
with
a
girl
was
in
Madrid
.
No
it
wasn
’
t
.
It
was
in
the
Escorial
and
,
except
that
I
woke
in
the
night
and
thought
it
was
some
one
else
and
was
excited
until
I
realized
who
it
really
was
,
it
was
just
dragging
ashes
;
except
that
it
was
pleasant
enough
.
And
the
time
before
that
was
in
Madrid
and
except
for
some
lying
and
pretending
I
did
to
myself
as
to
identity
while
things
were
going
on
,
it
was
the
same
or
something
less
.
So
I
am
no
romantic
glorifier
of
the
Spanish
Woman
nor
did
I
ever
think
of
a
casual
piece
as
anything
much
other
than
a
casual
piece
in
any
country
.
But
when
I
am
with
Maria
I
love
her
so
that
I
feel
,
literally
,
as
though
I
would
die
and
I
never
believed
in
that
nor
thought
that
it
could
happen
.
So
if
your
life
trades
its
seventy
years
for
seventy
hours
I
have
that
value
now
and
I
am
lucky
enough
to
know
it
.
And
if
there
is
not
any
such
thing
as
a
long
time
,
nor
the
rest
of
your
lives
,
nor
from
now
on
,
but
there
is
only
now
,
why
then
now
is
the
thing
to
praise
and
I
am
very
happy
with
it
.
Now
,
ahora
,
maintenant
,
heute
.
Now
,
it
has
a
funny
sound
to
be
a
whole
world
and
your
life
.
Esta
noche
,
tonight
,
ce
soir
,
heute
abend
.
Life
and
wife
,
Vie
and
Mari
.
No
it
didn
’
t
work
out
.
The
French
turned
it
into
husband
.
There
was
now
andfrau
;
but
that
did
not
prove
anything
either
.
Take
dead
,
mort
,
muerto
,
and
todt
.
Todt
was
the
deadest
of
them
all
.
War
,
guerre
,
guerra
,
and
krieg
.
Krieg
was
the
most
like
war
,
or
was
it
?
Or
was
it
only
that
he
knew
German
the
least
well
?
Sweetheart
,
chérie
,
prenda
,
and
schatz
.
He
would
trade
them
all
for
Maria
.
There
was
a
name
.
Well
,
they
would
all
be
doing
it
together
and
it
would
not
be
long
now
.
It
certainly
looked
worse
all
the
time
.
It
was
just
something
that
you
could
not
bring
off
in
the
morning
.
In
an
impossible
situation
you
hang
on
until
night
to
get
away
.
You
try
to
last
out
until
night
to
get
back
in
.
You
are
all
right
,
maybe
,
if
you
can
stick
it
out
until
dark
and
then
get
in
.
So
what
if
you
start
this
sticking
it
out
at
daylight
?
How
about
that
?
And
that
poor
bloody
Sordo
abandoning
his
pidgin
Spanish
to
explain
it
to
him
so
carefully
.
As
though
he
had
not
thought
about
that
whenever
he
had
done
any
particularly
bad
thinking
ever
since
Golz
had
first
mentioned
it
.
As
though
he
hadn
’
t
been
living
with
that
like
a
lump
of
undigested
dough
in
the
pit
of
his
stomach
ever
since
the
night
before
the
night
before
last
.
What
a
business
.
You
go
along
your
whole
life
and
they
seem
as
though
they
mean
something
and
they
always
end
up
not
meaning
anything
.
There
was
never
any
of
what
this
is
.
You
think
that
is
one
thing
that
you
will
never
have
.
And
then
,
on
a
lousy
show
like
this
,
co
-
ordinating
two
chicken
-
crut
guerilla
bands
to
help
you
blow
a
bridge
under
impossible
conditions
,
to
abort
a
counteroffensive
that
will
probably
already
be
started
,
you
run
into
a
girl
like
this
Maria
.
Sure
.
That
is
what
you
would
do
.
You
ran
into
her
rather
late
,
that
was
all
.
So
a
woman
like
that
Pilar
practically
pushed
this
girl
into
your
sleeping
bag
and
what
happens
?
Yes
,
what
happens
?
What
happens
?
You
tell
me
what
happens
,
please
.
Yes
.
That
is
just
what
happens
.
That
is
exactly
what
happens
.
Don
’
t
lie
to
yourself
about
Pilar
pushing
her
into
your
sleeping
robe
and
try
to
make
it
nothing
or
to
make
it
lousy
.
You
were
gone
when
you
first
saw
her
.
When
she
first
opened
her
mouth
and
spoke
to
you
it
was
there
already
and
you
know
it
.
Since
you
have
it
and
you
never
thought
you
would
have
it
,
there
is
no
sense
throwing
dirt
at
it
,
when
you
know
what
it
is
and
you
know
it
came
the
first
time
you
looked
at
her
as
she
came
out
bent
over
carrying
that
iron
cooking
platter
.
It
hit
you
then
and
you
know
it
and
so
why
lie
about
it
?
You
went
all
strange
inside
every
time
you
looked
at
her
and
every
time
she
looked
at
you
.
So
why
don
’
t
you
admit
it
?
All
right
,
I
’
ll
admit
it
.
And
as
for
Pilar
pushing
her
onto
you
,
all
Pilar
did
was
be
an
intelligent
woman
.
She
had
taken
good
care
of
the
girl
and
she
saw
what
was
coming
the
minute
the
girl
came
back
into
the
cave
with
the
cooking
dish
.
So
she
made
things
easier
.
She
made
things
easier
so
that
there
was
last
night
and
this
afternoon
.
She
is
a
damned
sight
more
civilized
than
you
are
and
she
knows
what
time
is
all
about
.
Yes
,
he
said
to
himself
,
I
think
we
can
admit
that
she
has
certain
notions
about
the
value
of
time
.
She
took
a
beating
and
all
because
she
did
not
want
other
people
losing
what
she
’
d
lost
and
then
the
idea
of
admitting
it
was
lost
was
too
big
a
thing
to
swallow
.
So
she
took
a
beating
back
there
on
the
hill
and
I
guess
we
did
not
make
it
any
easier
for
her
.
Well
,
so
that
is
what
happens
and
what
has
happened
and
you
might
as
well
admit
it
and
now
you
will
never
have
two
whole
nights
with
her
.
Not
a
lifetime
,
not
to
live
together
,
not
to
have
what
people
were
always
supposed
to
have
,
not
at
all
.
One
night
that
is
past
,
once
one
afternoon
,
one
night
to
come
;
maybe
.
No
,
sir
.