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I
am
That
.
I
fall
asleep
for
a
while
.
(
Or
whatever
.
In
meditation
,
you
can
never
really
be
sure
if
what
you
think
is
sleep
is
actually
sleep
;
sometimes
it
’
s
just
another
level
of
consciousness
.
)
When
I
awake
,
or
whatever
,
I
can
feel
this
soft
blue
electrical
energy
pulsing
through
my
body
,
in
waves
.
It
’
s
a
little
alarming
,
but
also
amazing
.
I
don
’
t
know
what
to
do
,
so
I
just
speak
internally
to
this
energy
.
I
say
to
it
,
"
I
believe
in
you
,
"
and
it
magnifies
,
volumizes
,
in
response
.
It
’
s
frighteningly
powerful
now
,
like
a
kidnapping
of
the
senses
.
It
’
s
humming
up
from
the
base
of
my
spine
.
My
neck
feels
like
it
wants
to
stretch
and
twist
,
so
I
let
it
,
and
then
I
’
m
sitting
there
in
the
strangest
position
-
perched
upright
like
a
good
Yogi
,
but
with
my
left
ear
pressed
hard
against
my
left
shoulder
I
don
’
t
know
why
my
head
and
neck
want
to
do
this
,
but
I
’
m
not
going
to
argue
with
them
;
they
are
insistent
.
The
pounding
blue
energy
keeps
pitching
through
my
body
,
and
I
can
hear
a
sort
of
thrumming
sound
in
my
ears
,
and
it
’
s
so
mighty
now
that
I
actually
can
’
t
deal
with
it
anymore
.
It
scares
me
so
much
that
I
say
to
it
,
"
I
’
m
not
ready
yet
!
"
and
snap
open
my
eyes
.
It
all
goes
away
.
I
’
m
back
in
a
room
again
,
back
in
my
surroundings
.
I
look
at
my
watch
.
I
’
ve
been
here
-
or
somewhere
-
for
almost
an
hour
.
I
am
panting
,
literally
panting
.
To
understand
what
that
experience
was
,
what
happened
in
there
(
by
which
I
mean
both
"
in
the
meditation
cave
"
and
"
in
me
"
)
brings
up
a
topic
rather
esoteric
and
wild
-
namely
,
the
subject
of
kundalini
shakti
.
Every
religion
in
the
world
has
had
a
subset
of
devotees
who
seek
a
direct
,
transcendent
experience
with
God
,
excusing
themselves
from
fundamentalist
scriptural
or
dogmatic
study
in
order
to
personally
encounter
the
divine
.
The
interesting
thing
about
these
mystics
is
that
,
when
they
describe
their
experiences
,
they
all
end
up
describing
exactly
the
same
occurrence
.
Generally
,
their
union
with
God
occurs
in
a
meditative
state
,
and
is
delivered
through
an
energy
source
that
fills
the
entire
body
with
euphoric
,
electric
light
.
The
Japanese
call
this
energy
ki
,
the
Chinese
Buddhists
call
it
chi
,
the
Balinese
call
it
taksu
,
the
Christians
call
it
The
Holy
Spirit
,
the
Kalahari
Bushmen
call
it
n
/
um
(
their
holy
men
describe
it
as
a
snakelike
power
that
ascends
the
spine
and
blows
a
hole
in
the
head
through
which
the
gods
then
enter
)
.
The
Islamic
Sufi
poets
called
that
God
-
energy
"
The
Beloved
,
"
and
wrote
devotional
poems
to
it
.
The
Australian
aborigines
describe
a
serpent
in
the
sky
that
descends
into
the
medicine
man
and
gives
him
intense
,
otherworldly
powers
.
In
the
Jewish
tradition
of
Kabbalah
this
union
with
the
divine
is
said
to
occur
through
stages
of
spiritual
ascension
,
with
energy
that
runs
up
the
spine
along
a
series
of
invisible
meridians
.
Saint
Teresa
of
Avila
,
that
most
mystical
of
Catholic
figures
,
described
her
union
with
God
as
a
physical
ascension
of
light
through
seven
inner
"
mansions
"
of
her
being
,
after
which
she
burst
into
God
’
s
presence
.
She
used
to
go
into
meditative
trances
so
deep
that
the
other
nuns
couldn
’
t
feel
her
pulse
anymore
.
She
would
beg
her
fellow
nuns
not
to
tell
anyone
what
they
had
witnessed
,
as
it
was
"
a
most
extraordinary
thing
and
likely
to
arouse
considerable
talk
.
"
(
Not
to
mention
a
possible
interview
with
the
Inquisitor
.
)
The
most
difficult
challenge
,
the
saint
wrote
in
her
memoirs
,
was
to
not
stir
up
the
intellect
during
meditation
,
for
any
thoughts
of
the
mind
-
even
the
most
fervent
prayers
-
will
extinguish
the
fire
of
God
.
Once
the
troublesome
mind
"
begins
to
compose
speeches
and
dream
up
arguments
,
especially
if
these
are
clever
,
it
will
soon
imagine
it
is
doing
important
work
.
"
But
if
you
can
surpass
those
thoughts
,
Teresa
explained
,
and
ascend
toward
God
,
"
it
is
a
glorious
bewilderment
,
a
heavenly
madness
,
in
which
true
wisdom
is
acquired
.
"
Unknowingly
echoing
the
poems
of
the
Persian
Sufi
mystic
Hafiz
,
who
demanded
why
,
with
a
God
so
wildly
loving
,
are
we
not
all
screaming
drunks
,
Teresa
cried
out
in
her
autobiography
that
,
if
these
divine
experiences
were
mere
madness
,
then
"
I
beseech
you
,
Father
,
let
us
all
be
mad
!
"
Then
,
in
the
next
sentences
of
her
book
,
it
’
s
like
she
catches
her
breath
.
Reading
Saint
Teresa
today
,
you
can
almost
feel
her
coming
out
of
that
delirious
experience
,
then
looking
around
at
the
political
climate
of
medieval
Spain
(
where
she
lived
under
one
of
the
most
repressive
religious
tyrannies
of
history
)
and
soberly
,
dutifully
,
apologizing
for
her
excitement
.
She
writes
,
"
Forgive
me
if
I
have
been
very
bold
,
"
and
reiterates
that
all
her
idiot
babbling
should
be
ignored
because
,
of
course
,
she
is
just
a
woman
and
a
worm
and
despicable
vermin
,
etc
.
,
etc
.
You
can
almost
see
her
smoothing
back
her
nun
’
s
skirts
and
tucking
away
those
last
loose
strands
of
hair
-
her
divine
secret
a
blazing
,
hidden
bonfire
.
In
Indian
Yogic
tradition
,
this
divine
secret
is
called
kundalini
shakti
and
is
depicted
as
a
snake
who
lies
coiled
at
the
base
of
the
spine
until
it
is
released
by
a
master
’
s
touch
or
by
a
miracle
,
and
which
then
ascends
up
through
seven
chakras
,
or
wheels
(
which
you
might
also
call
the
seven
mansions
of
the
soul
)
,
and
finally
through
the
head
,
exploding
into
union
with
God
.
These
chakras
do
not
exist
in
the
gross
body
,
say
the
Yogis
,
so
don
’
t
look
for
them
there
;
they
exist
only
in
the
subtle
body
,
in
the
body
that
the
Buddhist
teachers
are
referring
to
when
they
encourage
their
students
to
pull
forth
a
new
self
from
the
physical
body
the
way
you
pull
a
sword
from
its
sheath
.
My
friend
Bob
,
who
is
both
a
student
of
Yoga
and
a
neuroscientist
,
told
me
that
he
was
always
agitated
by
this
idea
of
the
chakras
,
that
he
wanted
to
actually
see
them
in
a
dissected
human
body
in
order
to
believe
they
existed
.
