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This
thought
caused
me
to
sob
even
harder
.
God
waited
me
out
.
I
pulled
myself
together
enough
to
go
on
:
"
I
am
not
an
expert
at
praying
,
as
you
know
.
But
can
you
please
help
me
?
I
am
in
desperate
need
of
help
.
I
don
’
t
know
what
to
do
.
I
need
an
answer
.
Please
tell
me
what
to
do
.
Please
tell
me
what
to
do
.
Please
tell
me
what
to
do
…
"
And
so
the
prayer
narrowed
itself
down
to
that
simple
entreaty
-
Please
tell
me
what
to
do
-
repeated
again
and
again
.
I
don
’
t
know
how
many
times
I
begged
.
I
only
know
that
I
begged
like
someone
who
was
pleading
for
her
life
.
And
the
crying
went
on
forever
.
Until
-
quite
abruptly
-
it
stopped
.
Quite
abruptly
,
I
found
that
I
was
not
crying
anymore
.
I
’
d
stopped
crying
,
in
fact
,
in
mid
-
sob
.
My
misery
had
been
completely
vacuumed
out
of
me
.
I
lifted
my
forehead
off
the
floor
and
sat
up
in
surprise
,
wondering
if
I
would
see
now
some
Great
Being
who
had
taken
my
weeping
away
.
But
nobody
was
there
.
I
was
just
alone
.
But
not
really
alone
,
either
.
I
was
surrounded
by
something
I
can
only
describe
as
a
little
pocket
of
silence
-
a
silence
so
rare
that
I
didn
’
t
want
to
exhale
,
for
fear
of
scaring
it
off
.
I
was
seamlessly
still
.
I
don
’
t
know
when
I
’
d
ever
felt
such
stillness
.
Then
I
heard
a
voice
.
Please
don
’
t
be
alarmed
-
it
was
not
an
Old
Testament
Hollywood
Charlton
Heston
voice
,
nor
was
it
a
voice
telling
me
I
must
build
a
baseball
field
in
my
backyard
.
It
was
merely
my
own
voice
,
speaking
from
within
my
own
self
.
But
this
was
my
voice
as
I
had
never
heard
it
before
.
This
was
my
voice
,
but
perfectly
wise
,
calm
and
compassionate
.
This
was
what
my
voice
would
sound
like
if
I
’
d
only
ever
experienced
love
and
certainty
in
my
life
.
How
can
I
describe
the
warmth
of
affection
in
that
voice
,
as
it
gave
me
the
answer
that
would
forever
seal
my
faith
in
the
divine
?
The
voice
said
:
Go
back
to
bed
,
Liz
.
I
exhaled
.
It
was
so
immediately
clear
that
this
was
the
only
thing
to
do
I
would
not
have
accepted
any
other
answer
.
I
would
not
have
trusted
a
great
booming
voice
that
said
either
:
You
Must
Divorce
Your
Husband
!
or
You
Must
Not
Divorce
Your
Husband
!
Because
that
’
s
not
true
wisdom
.
True
wisdom
gives
the
only
possible
answer
at
any
given
moment
,
and
that
night
,
going
back
to
bed
was
the
only
possible
answer
.
Go
back
to
bed
,
said
this
omniscient
interior
voice
,
because
you
don
’
t
need
to
know
the
final
answer
right
now
,
at
three
o
’
clock
in
the
morning
on
a
Thursday
in
November
.
Go
back
to
bed
,
because
I
love
you
.
Go
back
to
bed
,
because
the
only
thing
you
need
to
do
for
now
is
get
some
rest
and
take
good
care
of
yourself
until
you
do
know
the
answer
.
Go
back
to
bed
so
that
,
when
the
tempest
comes
,
you
’
ll
be
strong
enough
to
deal
with
it
.
And
the
tempest
is
coming
,
dear
one
.
Very
soon
.
But
not
tonight
.
Therefore
:
