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- Ешь, молись, люби
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"
You
’
re
young
and
beautiful
,
darling
.
You
only
need
the
one
dress
.
"
Am
I
young
and
beautiful
?
I
thought
I
was
old
and
divorced
.
I
can
barely
sleep
at
all
this
night
,
so
unaccustomed
to
these
odd
hours
,
the
dance
music
still
thrumming
in
my
head
,
my
hair
smelling
of
cigarettes
,
my
stomach
protesting
the
alcohol
.
I
doze
a
bit
,
then
wake
as
the
sun
comes
up
,
just
as
I
am
accustomed
to
.
Only
this
morning
I
am
not
rested
and
I
am
not
at
peace
and
I
’
m
in
no
condition
whatsoever
for
meditation
.
Why
am
I
so
agitated
?
I
had
a
nice
night
,
didn
’
t
I
?
I
got
to
meet
some
interesting
people
,
got
to
dress
up
and
dance
around
,
had
flirted
with
some
men
…
MEN
.
The
agitation
gets
more
jagged
at
the
thought
of
that
word
,
turning
into
a
minor
panic
assailment
.
I
don
’
t
know
how
to
do
this
anymore
.
I
used
to
be
the
biggest
and
boldest
and
most
shameless
of
flirts
when
I
was
in
my
teens
and
twenties
.
I
seem
to
remember
that
it
was
once
fun
,
meeting
some
guy
,
spooling
him
in
toward
me
,
spooning
out
the
veiled
invitations
and
the
provocations
,
casting
all
caution
aside
and
letting
the
consequences
spill
how
they
will
.
But
now
I
am
feeling
only
panic
and
uncertainty
.
I
start
blowing
the
whole
evening
up
into
something
much
huger
than
it
was
,
imagining
myself
getting
involved
with
this
Welsh
guy
who
hadn
’
t
even
given
me
an
e
-
mail
address
.
I
can
see
all
the
way
into
our
future
already
,
including
the
arguments
over
his
smoking
habit
.
I
wonder
if
giving
myself
to
a
man
again
will
ruin
my
journey
/
writing
/
life
,
etc
.
On
the
other
hand
-
some
romance
would
be
nice
.
It
’
s
been
a
long
,
dry
time
.
(
I
remember
Richard
from
Texas
advising
me
at
one
point
,
vis
-
a
-
vis
my
love
life
,
"
You
need
a
droughtbreaker
,
baby
Gotta
go
find
yo
’
self
a
rainmaker
.
"
)
Then
I
imagine
Ian
zooming
over
on
his
motorbike
with
his
handsome
bomb
-
squad
torso
to
make
love
to
me
in
my
garden
,
and
how
nice
that
would
be
.
This
not
-
entirely
-
unpleasant
thought
somehow
screeches
me
,
however
,
into
a
horrible
skid
about
how
I
just
don
’
t
want
to
go
through
any
heartache
again
.
Then
I
start
to
miss
David
more
than
I
have
in
months
,
thinking
,
Maybe
I
should
call
him
and
see
if
he
wants
to
try
getting
together
again
…
(
Then
I
receive
a
very
accurate
channeling
of
my
old
friend
Richard
,
saying
,
Oh
,
that
’
s
genius
,
Groceries
-
didja
get
a
lobotomy
last
night
,
in
addition
to
gettin
’
a
little
tipsy
?
)
It
’
s
never
a
far
leap
from
ruminating
about
David
to
obsessing
about
the
circumstances
of
my
divorce
,
and
so
soon
I
start
brooding
(
just
like
old
times
)
about
my
ex
-
husband
,
my
divorce
…
I
thought
we
were
done
with
this
topic
,
Groceries
.
And
then
I
start
thinking
about
Felipe
,
for
some
reason
-
that
handsome
older
Brazilian
man
.
He
’
s
nice
.
Felipe
.
He
says
I
am
young
and
beautiful
and
that
I
will
have
a
wonderful
time
here
time
in
Bali
.
He
’
s
right
,
right
?
I
should
relax
and
have
some
fun
,
right
?
But
this
morning
it
doesn
’
t
feel
fun
.
