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"
Yes
!
"
I
said
.
"
I
’
m
a
writer
.
I
’
m
a
book
writer
!
"
"
You
are
a
book
writer
from
New
York
,
"
he
said
,
in
agreement
,
in
confirmation
.
"
So
you
will
come
back
here
to
Bali
and
live
here
and
teach
me
English
.
And
I
will
teach
you
everything
I
know
.
"
Then
he
stood
up
and
brushed
off
his
hands
,
like
:
That
’
s
settled
.
I
said
,
"
If
you
’
re
serious
,
mister
,
I
’
m
serious
.
"
He
beamed
at
me
toothlessly
and
said
,
"
See
you
later
,
alligator
.
"
Now
,
I
’
m
the
kind
of
person
who
,
when
a
ninth
-
generation
Indonesian
medicine
man
tells
you
that
you
’
re
destined
to
move
to
Bali
and
live
with
him
for
four
months
,
thinks
you
should
make
every
effort
to
do
that
.
And
this
,
finally
,
was
how
my
whole
idea
about
this
year
of
traveling
began
to
gel
.
I
absolutely
needed
to
get
myself
back
to
Indonesia
somehow
,
on
my
own
dime
this
time
.
This
was
evident
.
Though
I
couldn
’
t
yet
imagine
how
to
do
it
,
given
my
chaotic
and
disturbed
life
.
(
Not
only
did
I
still
have
a
pricey
divorce
to
settle
,
and
David
-
troubles
,
I
still
had
a
magazine
job
that
prevented
me
from
going
anywhere
for
three
or
four
months
at
a
time
.
)
But
I
had
to
get
back
there
.
Didn
’
t
I
?
Hadn
’
t
he
foretold
it
?
Problem
was
,
I
also
wanted
to
go
to
India
,
to
visit
my
Guru
’
s
Ashram
,
and
going
to
India
is
an
expensive
and
time
-
consuming
affair
,
also
.
To
make
matters
even
more
confusing
,
I
’
d
also
been
dying
lately
to
get
over
to
Italy
,
so
I
could
practice
speaking
Italian
in
context
,
but
also
because
I
was
drawn
to
the
idea
of
living
for
a
while
in
a
culture
where
pleasure
and
beauty
are
revered
.
All
these
desires
seemed
to
be
at
odds
with
one
another
.
Especially
the
Italy
/
India
conflict
.
What
was
more
important
?
The
part
of
me
that
wanted
to
eat
veal
in
Venice
?
Or
the
part
of
me
that
wanted
to
be
waking
up
long
before
dawn
in
the
austerity
of
an
Ashram
to
begin
a
long
day
of
meditation
and
prayer
?
The
great
Sufi
poet
and
philosopher
Rumi
once
advised
his
students
to
write
down
the
three
things
they
most
wanted
in
life
.
If
any
item
on
the
list
clashes
with
any
other
item
,
Rumi
warned
,
you
are
destined
for
unhappiness
.
Better
to
live
a
life
of
single
-
pointed
focus
,
he
taught
.
But
what
about
the
benefits
of
living
harmoniously
amid
extremes
?
What
if
you
could
somehow
create
an
expansive
enough
life
that
you
could
synchronize
seemingly
incongruous
opposites
into
a
worldview
that
excludes
nothing
?
My
truth
was
exactly
what
I
’
d
said
to
the
medicine
man
in
Bali
-
I
wanted
to
experience
both
.
I
wanted
worldly
enjoyment
and
divine
transcendence
-
the
dual
glories
of
a
human
life
.
I
wanted
what
the
Greeks
called
kalos
kai
agathos
,
the
singular
balance
of
the
good
and
the
beautiful
.
I
’
d
been
missing
both
during
these
last
hard
years
,
because
both
pleasure
and
devotion
require
a
stress
-
free
space
in
which
to
flourish
and
I
’
d
been
living
in
a
giant
trash
compactor
of
nonstop
anxiety
.
As
for
how
to
balance
the
urge
for
pleasure
against
the
longing
for
devotion
…
well
,
surely
there
was
a
way
to
learn
that
trick
.
And
it
seemed
to
me
,
just
from
my
short
stay
in
Bali
,
that
I
maybe
could
learn
this
from
the
Balinese
.
Maybe
even
from
the
medicine
man
himself
.
Four
feet
on
the
ground
,
a
head
full
of
foliage
,
looking
at
the
world
through
the
heart
…
So
I
stopped
trying
to
choose
-
Italy
?
India
?
or
Indonesia
?
-
and
eventually
just
admitted
that
I
wanted
to
travel
to
all
of
them
.
Four
months
in
each
place
.
A
year
in
total
.
Of
course
this
was
a
slightly
more
ambitious
dream
than
"
I
want
to
buy
myself
a
new
pencil
box
.
"
But
this
is
what
I
wanted
.
And
I
knew
that
I
wanted
to
write
about
it
.
