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He
said
,
"
That
is
my
spiritual
teacher
.
"
My
heart
skipped
a
beat
and
then
flat
-
out
tripped
over
itself
and
fell
on
its
face
.
Then
my
heart
stood
up
,
brushed
itself
off
,
took
a
deep
breath
and
announced
:
"
I
want
a
spiritual
teacher
.
"
I
literally
mean
that
it
was
my
heart
who
said
this
,
speaking
through
my
mouth
.
I
felt
this
weird
division
in
myself
,
and
my
mind
stepped
out
of
my
body
for
a
moment
,
spun
around
to
face
my
heart
in
astonishment
and
silently
asked
,
"
You
DO
?
"
"
Yes
,
"
replied
my
heart
.
"
I
do
.
"
Then
my
mind
asked
my
heart
,
a
tad
sarcastically
:
"
Since
WHEN
?
"
But
I
already
knew
the
answer
:
Since
that
night
on
the
bathroom
floor
.
My
God
,
but
I
wanted
a
spiritual
teacher
.
I
immediately
began
constructing
a
fantasy
of
what
it
would
be
like
to
have
one
.
I
imagined
that
this
radiantly
beautiful
Indian
woman
would
come
to
my
apartment
a
few
evenings
a
week
and
we
would
sit
and
drink
tea
and
talk
about
divinity
,
and
she
would
give
me
reading
assignments
and
explain
the
significance
of
the
strange
sensations
I
was
feeling
during
meditation
…
All
this
fantasy
was
quickly
swept
away
when
David
told
me
about
the
international
status
of
this
woman
,
about
her
tens
of
thousands
of
students
-
many
of
whom
have
never
met
her
face
-
to
-
face
.
Still
,
he
said
,
there
was
a
gathering
here
in
New
York
City
every
Tuesday
night
of
the
Guru
’
s
devotees
who
came
together
as
a
group
to
meditate
and
chant
.
David
said
,
"
If
you
’
re
not
too
freaked
out
by
the
idea
of
being
in
a
room
with
several
hundred
people
chanting
God
’
s
name
in
Sanskrit
,
you
can
come
sometime
.
"
I
joined
him
the
following
Tuesday
night
.
Far
from
being
freaked
out
by
these
regular
-
looking
people
singing
to
God
,
I
instead
felt
my
soul
rise
diaphanous
in
the
wake
of
that
chanting
.
I
walked
home
that
night
feeling
like
the
air
could
move
through
me
,
like
I
was
clean
linen
fluttering
on
a
clothes
-
line
,
like
New
York
itself
had
become
a
city
made
of
rice
paper
-
and
I
was
light
enough
to
run
across
every
rooftop
.
I
started
going
to
the
chants
every
Tuesday
.
Then
I
started
meditating
every
morning
on
the
ancient
Sanskrit
mantra
the
Guru
gives
to
all
her
students
(
the
regal
Om
Namah
Shivaya
,
meaning
,
"
I
honor
the
divinity
that
resides
within
me
"
)
.
Then
I
listened
to
the
Guru
speak
in
person
for
the
first
time
,
and
her
words
gave
me
chill
bumps
over
my
whole
body
,
even
across
the
skin
of
my
face
And
when
I
heard
she
had
an
Ashram
in
India
,
I
knew
I
must
take
myself
there
as
quickly
as
possible
.
