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This
doesn
’
t
mean
I
cannot
be
devout
.
It
doesn
’
t
mean
I
can
’
t
be
thoroughly
tumbled
and
humbled
with
God
’
s
love
.
This
does
not
mean
I
cannot
serve
humanity
.
It
doesn
’
t
mean
I
can
’
t
improve
myself
as
a
human
being
,
honing
my
virtues
and
working
daily
to
minimize
my
vices
.
For
instance
,
I
’
m
never
going
to
be
a
wallflower
,
but
that
doesn
’
t
mean
I
can
’
t
take
a
serious
look
at
my
talking
habits
and
alter
some
aspects
for
the
better
-
working
within
my
personality
.
Yes
,
I
like
talking
,
but
perhaps
I
don
’
t
have
to
curse
so
much
,
and
perhaps
I
don
’
t
always
have
to
go
for
the
cheap
laugh
,
and
maybe
I
don
’
t
need
to
talk
about
myself
quite
so
constantly
Or
here
’
s
a
radical
concept
-
maybe
I
can
stop
interrupting
others
when
they
are
speaking
.
Because
no
matter
how
creatively
I
try
to
look
at
my
habit
of
interrupting
,
I
can
’
t
find
another
way
to
see
it
than
this
:
"
I
believe
that
what
I
am
saying
is
more
important
than
what
you
are
saying
.
"
And
I
can
’
t
find
another
way
to
see
that
than
:
"
I
believe
that
I
am
more
important
than
you
.
"
And
that
must
end
.
All
these
changes
would
be
useful
to
make
.
But
even
so
,
even
with
reasonable
modifications
to
my
speaking
habits
,
I
probably
won
’
t
ever
be
known
as
That
Quiet
Girl
.
No
matter
how
pretty
a
picture
that
is
and
no
matter
how
hard
I
try
.
Because
let
’
s
be
really
honest
about
who
we
’
re
dealing
with
here
.
When
the
woman
at
the
Ashram
Seva
Center
gave
me
my
new
job
assignment
of
Key
Hostess
,
she
said
,
"
We
have
a
special
nickname
for
this
position
,
you
know
.
We
call
it
’
Little
Suzy
Creamcheese
,
’
because
whoever
does
the
job
needs
to
be
social
and
bubbly
and
smiling
all
the
time
.
"
Отключить рекламу
What
could
I
say
?
I
just
stuck
out
a
hand
to
shake
,
bade
a
silent
farewell
to
all
my
wishful
old
delusions
and
announced
,
"
Madam
-
I
’
m
your
girl
.
"
What
I
will
be
hosting
,
to
be
exact
,
is
a
series
of
retreats
to
be
held
at
the
Ashram
this
spring
.
During
each
retreat
,
about
a
hundred
devotees
will
come
here
from
all
over
the
world
for
a
period
of
a
week
to
ten
days
,
to
deepen
their
meditation
practices
.
My
role
is
to
take
care
of
these
people
during
their
stay
here
.
For
most
of
the
retreat
,
the
participants
will
be
in
silence
.
For
some
of
them
,
it
will
be
the
first
time
they
’
ve
experienced
silence
as
a
devotional
practice
,
and
it
can
be
intense
.
However
,
I
will
be
the
one
person
in
the
Ashram
they
are
allowed
to
talk
to
if
something
is
going
wrong
.
That
’
s
right
-
my
job
officially
requires
me
to
be
the
speech
-
magnet
.
Отключить рекламу
I
will
listen
to
the
problems
of
the
retreat
participants
and
then
try
to
find
solutions
for
them
.
Maybe
they
’
ll
need
to
change
roommates
because
of
a
snoring
situation
,
or
maybe
they
’
ll
need
to
speak
to
the
doctor
because
of
India
-
related
digestive
trouble
-
I
’
ll
try
to
solve
it
.
I
’
ll
need
to
know
everybody
’
s
name
,
and
where
they
are
from
.
I
’
ll
be
walking
around
with
a
clipboard
,
taking
notes
and
following
up
.
I
’
m
Julie
McCoy
,
your
Yogic
cruise
director
.
And
,
yes
,
the
position
does
come
with
a
beeper
.
As
the
retreats
begin
,
it
is
so
quickly
evident
how
much
I
am
made
for
this
job
.
I
’
m
sitting
there
at
the
Welcome
Table
with
my
Hello
,
My
Name
Is
badge
,
and
these
people
are
arriving
from
thirty
different
countries
,
and
some
of
them
are
old
-
timers
but
many
of
them
have
never
been
to
India
.
It
’
s
over
100
degrees
already
at
10
:
00
AM
,
and
most
of
these
people
have
been
flying
all
night
in
coach
.