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Then
she
told
me
that
my
work
detail
had
been
changed
.
Due
to
a
special
request
from
management
,
I
was
no
longer
to
be
part
of
the
floor
-
scrubbing
team
.
They
had
a
new
position
in
mind
for
me
at
the
Ashram
.
And
the
title
of
my
new
job
was
-
if
you
will
kindly
dig
this
-
"
Key
Hostess
.
"
This
was
so
obviously
another
one
of
Swamiji
’
s
jokes
.
You
wanted
to
be
The
Quiet
Girl
in
the
Back
of
the
Temple
?
Well
,
guess
what
…
But
this
is
what
always
happens
at
the
Ashram
.
You
make
some
big
grandiose
decision
about
what
you
need
to
do
,
or
who
you
need
to
be
,
and
then
circumstances
arise
that
immediately
reveal
to
you
how
little
you
understood
about
yourself
.
I
don
’
t
know
how
many
times
Swamiji
said
it
during
his
lifetime
,
and
I
don
’
t
know
how
many
more
times
my
Guru
has
repeated
it
since
his
death
,
but
it
seems
I
have
not
quite
yet
absorbed
the
truth
of
their
most
insistent
statement
:
"
God
dwells
within
you
,
as
you
.
"
AS
you
.
If
there
is
one
holy
truth
of
this
Yoga
,
that
line
encapsulates
it
.
God
dwells
within
you
as
you
yourself
,
exactly
the
way
you
are
.
God
isn
’
t
interested
in
watching
you
enact
some
performance
of
personality
in
order
to
comply
with
some
crackpot
notion
you
have
about
how
a
spiritual
person
looks
or
behaves
.
We
all
seem
to
get
this
idea
that
,
in
order
to
be
sacred
,
we
have
to
make
some
massive
,
dramatic
change
of
character
,
that
we
have
to
renounce
our
individuality
.
This
is
a
classic
example
of
what
they
call
in
the
East
"
wrong
-
thinking
.
"
Swamiji
used
to
say
that
every
day
renunciants
find
something
new
to
renounce
,
but
it
is
usually
depression
,
not
peace
,
that
they
attain
.
Constantly
he
was
teaching
that
austerity
and
renunciation
-
just
for
their
own
sake
-
are
not
what
you
need
.
To
know
God
,
you
need
only
to
renounce
one
thing
-
your
sense
of
division
from
God
.
Otherwise
,
just
stay
as
you
were
made
,
within
your
natural
character
.
So
what
is
my
natural
character
?
I
love
studying
in
this
Ashram
,
but
my
dream
of
finding
divinity
by
gliding
silently
through
the
place
with
a
gentle
,
ethereal
smile
-
who
is
that
person
?
That
’
s
probably
someone
I
saw
on
a
TV
show
.
The
reality
is
,
it
’
s
a
little
sad
for
me
to
admit
that
I
will
never
be
that
character
.
I
’
ve
always
been
so
fascinated
by
these
wraith
-
like
,
delicate
souls
.
Always
wanted
to
be
the
quiet
girl
.
Probably
precisely
because
I
’
m
not
.
It
’
s
the
same
reason
I
think
that
thick
,
dark
hair
is
so
beautiful
-
precisely
because
I
don
’
t
have
it
,
because
I
can
’
t
have
it
.
But
at
some
point
you
have
to
make
peace
with
what
you
were
given
and
if
God
wanted
me
to
be
a
shy
girl
with
thick
,
dark
hair
,
He
would
have
made
me
that
way
,
but
He
didn
’
t
.
Useful
,
then
,
might
be
to
accept
how
I
was
made
and
embody
myself
fully
therein
.
Or
,
as
Sextus
,
the
ancient
Pythagorian
philospher
,
said
,
"
The
wise
man
is
always
similar
to
himself
.
"
