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Even
in
moments
of
happiness
and
excitement
(
especially
in
moments
of
happiness
and
excitement
)
I
could
never
forget
it
for
long
.
I
am
still
hated
by
him
.
And
that
felt
like
it
would
never
change
,
never
release
.
I
was
talking
about
all
this
one
day
with
my
friends
at
the
Ashram
-
the
newest
member
of
whom
is
a
plumber
from
New
Zealand
,
a
guy
I
’
d
met
because
he
’
d
heard
I
was
a
writer
and
he
sought
me
out
to
tell
me
that
he
was
one
,
too
.
He
’
s
a
poet
who
had
recently
published
a
terrific
memoir
in
New
Zealand
called
A
Plumber
’
s
Progress
about
his
own
spiritual
journey
.
The
plumber
/
poet
from
New
Zealand
,
Richard
from
Texas
,
the
Irish
dairy
farmer
,
Tulsi
the
Indian
teenage
tomboy
and
Vivian
,
an
older
woman
with
wispy
white
hair
and
incandescently
humorous
eyes
(
who
used
to
be
a
nun
in
South
Africa
)
-
this
was
my
circle
of
close
friends
here
,
a
most
vibrant
crowd
of
characters
whom
I
never
would
have
expected
to
meet
at
an
Ashram
in
India
.
So
,
during
lunch
one
day
,
we
were
all
having
this
conversation
together
about
marriage
,
and
the
plumber
/
poet
from
New
Zealand
said
,
"
I
see
marriage
as
an
operation
that
sews
two
people
together
,
and
divorce
is
a
kind
of
amputation
that
can
take
a
long
time
to
heal
.
The
longer
you
were
married
,
or
the
rougher
the
amputation
,
the
harder
it
is
to
recover
.
"
Which
would
explain
the
postdivorce
,
postamputation
sensations
I
’
ve
had
for
a
few
years
now
,
of
still
swinging
that
phantom
limb
around
,
constantly
knocking
stuff
off
the
shelves
.
Richard
from
Texas
was
wondering
if
I
was
planning
on
allowing
my
ex
-
husband
to
dictate
for
the
rest
of
my
life
how
I
felt
about
myself
,
and
I
said
I
wasn
’
t
too
sure
about
that
,
actually
-
so
far
,
my
ex
still
seemed
to
have
a
pretty
strong
vote
,
and
to
be
honest
I
was
still
halfway
waiting
for
the
man
to
forgive
me
,
to
release
me
and
allow
me
to
go
forth
in
peace
.
The
dairy
farmer
from
Ireland
observed
,
"
Waiting
for
that
day
to
arrive
is
not
exactly
a
rational
use
of
your
time
.
"
"
What
can
I
say
,
guys
?
I
do
a
lot
with
guilt
.
Kind
of
like
the
way
other
women
do
a
lot
with
beige
.
"
The
former
Catholic
nun
(
who
oughtta
know
about
guilt
,
after
all
)
wouldn
’
t
hear
of
it
.
"
Guilt
’
s
just
your
ego
’
s
way
of
tricking
you
into
thinking
that
you
’
re
making
moral
progress
.
Don
’
t
fall
for
it
,
my
dear
.
"
"
What
I
hate
about
the
way
my
marriage
ended
,
"
I
said
,
"
is
that
it
’
s
so
unresolved
.
It
’
s
just
an
open
wound
that
never
goes
away
.
"
"
If
you
insist
,
"
said
Richard
.
"
If
that
’
s
how
you
’
ve
decided
to
think
about
it
,
don
’
t
let
me
spoil
your
party
.
"
