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And
,
I
’
m
sorry
,
but
that
’
s
a
little
lame
.
You
can
imagine
God
regarding
that
prayer
with
an
arched
eyebrow
,
and
sending
back
this
message
:
"
Call
me
again
when
you
decide
to
get
serious
about
this
.
"
Of
course
God
already
knows
what
I
need
.
The
question
is
-
do
I
know
?
Casting
yourself
at
God
’
s
feet
in
helpless
desperation
is
all
well
and
good
-
heaven
knows
,
I
’
ve
done
it
myself
plenty
of
times
-
but
ultimately
you
’
re
likely
to
get
more
out
of
the
experience
if
you
can
take
some
action
on
your
end
.
There
’
s
a
wonderful
old
Italian
joke
about
a
poor
man
who
goes
to
church
every
day
and
prays
before
the
statue
of
a
great
saint
,
begging
,
"
Dear
saint
-
please
,
please
,
please
…
give
me
the
grace
to
win
the
lottery
.
"
This
lament
goes
on
for
months
.
Finally
the
exasperated
statue
comes
to
life
,
looks
down
at
the
begging
man
and
says
in
weary
disgust
,
"
My
son
-
please
,
please
,
please
…
buy
a
ticket
.
"
Prayer
is
a
relationship
;
half
the
job
is
mine
.
If
I
want
transformation
,
but
can
’
t
even
be
bothered
to
articulate
what
,
exactly
,
I
’
m
aiming
for
,
how
will
it
ever
occur
?
Half
the
benefit
of
prayer
is
in
the
asking
itself
,
in
the
offering
of
a
clearly
posed
and
well
-
considered
intention
.
If
you
don
’
t
have
this
,
all
your
pleas
and
desires
are
boneless
,
floppy
,
inert
;
they
swirl
at
your
feet
in
a
cold
fog
and
never
lift
.
So
now
I
take
the
time
every
morning
to
search
myself
for
specificity
about
what
I
am
truly
asking
for
.
I
kneel
there
in
the
temple
with
my
face
on
that
cold
marble
for
as
long
as
it
takes
me
to
formulate
an
authentic
prayer
.
If
I
don
’
t
feel
sincere
,
then
I
will
stay
there
on
the
floor
until
I
do
.
What
worked
yesterday
doesn
’
t
always
work
today
.
Prayers
can
become
stale
and
drone
into
the
boring
and
familiar
if
you
let
your
attention
stagnate
.
In
making
an
effort
to
stay
alert
,
I
am
assuming
custodial
responsibility
for
the
maintenance
of
my
own
soul
.
Destiny
,
I
feel
,
is
also
a
relationship
-
a
play
between
divine
grace
and
willful
self
-
effort
.
Half
of
it
you
have
no
control
over
;
half
of
it
is
absolutely
in
your
hands
,
and
your
actions
will
show
measurable
consequence
.
Man
is
neither
entirely
a
puppet
of
the
gods
,
nor
is
he
entirely
the
captain
of
his
own
destiny
;
he
’
s
a
little
of
both
.
We
gallop
through
our
lives
like
circus
performers
balancing
on
two
speeding
side
-
by
-
side
horses
-
one
foot
is
on
the
horse
called
"
fate
,
"
the
other
on
the
horse
called
"
free
will
.
"
And
the
question
you
have
to
ask
every
day
is
-
which
horse
is
which
?
Which
horse
do
I
need
to
stop
worrying
about
because
it
’
s
not
under
my
control
,
and
which
do
I
need
to
steer
with
concentrated
effort
?
There
is
so
much
about
my
fate
that
I
cannot
control
,
but
other
things
do
fall
under
my
jurisdiction
.
There
are
certain
lottery
tickets
I
can
buy
,
thereby
increasing
my
odds
of
finding
contentment
.
I
can
decide
how
I
spend
my
time
,
whom
I
interact
with
,
whom
I
share
my
body
and
life
and
money
and
energy
with
.
I
can
select
what
I
eat
and
read
and
study
.
I
can
choose
how
I
’
m
going
to
regard
unfortunate
circumstances
in
my
life
-
whether
I
will
see
them
as
curses
or
opportunities
(
and
on
the
occasions
when
I
can
’
t
rise
to
the
most
optimistic
viewpoint
,
because
I
’
m
feeling
too
damn
sorry
for
myself
,
I
can
choose
to
keep
trying
to
change
my
outlook
)
.
I
can
choose
my
words
and
the
tone
of
voice
in
which
I
speak
to
others
.
And
most
of
all
,
I
can
choose
my
thoughts
.
This
last
concept
is
a
radically
new
idea
for
me
.
Richard
from
Texas
brought
it
to
my
attention
recently
,
when
I
was
complaining
about
my
inability
to
stop
brooding
.
He
said
,
"
Groceries
,
you
need
to
learn
how
to
select
your
thoughts
just
the
same
way
you
select
what
clothes
you
’
re
gonna
wear
every
day
.
This
is
a
power
you
can
cultivate
.
If
you
want
to
control
things
in
your
life
so
bad
,
work
on
the
mind
.
That
’
s
the
only
thing
you
should
be
trying
to
control
.
Drop
everything
else
but
that
.
Because
if
you
can
’
t
learn
to
master
your
thinking
,
you
’
re
in
deep
trouble
forever
.
"
On
first
glance
,
this
seems
a
nearly
impossible
task
.
Control
your
thoughts
?
Instead
of
the
other
way
around
?
But
imagine
if
you
could
?
This
is
not
about
repression
or
denial
.
Repression
and
denial
set
up
elaborate
games
to
pretend
that
negative
thoughts
and
feelings
are
not
occurring
.
What
Richard
is
talking
about
is
instead
admitting
to
the
existence
of
negative
thoughts
,
understanding
where
they
came
from
and
why
they
arrived
,
and
then
-
with
great
forgiveness
and
fortitude
-
dismissing
them
.
This
is
a
practice
that
fits
hand
-
in
-
glove
with
any
psychological
work
you
do
during
therapy
.
You
can
use
the
shrink
’
s
office
to
understand
why
you
have
these
destructive
thoughts
in
the
first
place
;
you
can
use
spiritual
exercises
to
help
overcome
them
.
It
’
s
a
sacrifice
to
let
them
go
,
of
course
.
It
’
s
a
loss
of
old
habits
,
comforting
old
grudges
and
familiar
vignettes
.
Of
course
this
all
takes
practice
and
effort
.
It
’
s
not
a
teaching
that
you
can
hear
once
and
then
expect
to
master
immediately
.
It
’
s
constant
vigilance
and
I
want
to
do
it
.
I
need
to
do
it
,
for
my
strength
.
Devo
farmi
le
ossa
is
how
they
say
it
in
Italian
.
"
I
need
to
make
my
bones
.
"
