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- Джозеф Конрад
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- Лорд Джим
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- Стр. 24/107
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'
He
drew
quick
breaths
at
every
few
words
and
shot
quick
glances
at
my
face
,
as
though
in
his
anguish
he
were
watchful
of
the
effect
.
He
was
not
speaking
to
me
,
he
was
only
speaking
before
me
,
in
a
dispute
with
an
invisible
personality
,
an
antagonistic
and
inseparable
partner
of
his
existence
--
another
possessor
of
his
soul
.
These
were
issues
beyond
the
competency
of
a
court
of
inquiry
:
it
was
a
subtle
and
momentous
quarrel
as
to
the
true
essence
of
life
,
and
did
not
want
a
judge
.
He
wanted
an
ally
,
a
helper
,
an
accomplice
.
I
felt
the
risk
I
ran
of
being
circumvented
,
blinded
,
decoyed
,
bullied
,
perhaps
,
into
taking
a
definite
part
in
a
dispute
impossible
of
decision
if
one
had
to
be
fair
to
all
the
phantoms
in
possession
--
to
the
reputable
that
had
its
claims
and
to
the
disreputable
that
had
its
exigencies
.
I
ca
n't
explain
to
you
who
have
n't
seen
him
and
who
hear
his
words
only
at
second
hand
the
mixed
nature
of
my
feelings
.
It
seemed
to
me
I
was
being
made
to
comprehend
the
Inconceivable
--
and
I
know
of
nothing
to
compare
with
the
discomfort
of
such
a
sensation
.
I
was
made
to
look
at
the
convention
that
lurks
in
all
truth
and
on
the
essential
sincerity
of
falsehood
.
He
appealed
to
all
sides
at
once
--
to
the
side
turned
perpetually
to
the
light
of
day
,
and
to
that
side
of
us
which
,
like
the
other
hemisphere
of
the
moon
,
exists
stealthily
in
perpetual
darkness
,
with
only
a
fearful
ashy
light
falling
at
times
on
the
edge
.
He
swayed
me
.
I
own
to
it
,
I
own
up
.
The
occasion
was
obscure
,
insignificant
--
what
you
will
:
a
lost
youngster
,
one
in
a
million
--
but
then
he
was
one
of
us
;
an
incident
as
completely
devoid
of
importance
as
the
flooding
of
an
ant-heap
,
and
yet
the
mystery
of
his
attitude
got
hold
of
me
as
though
he
had
been
an
individual
in
the
forefront
of
his
kind
,
as
if
the
obscure
truth
involved
were
momentous
enough
to
affect
mankind
's
conception
of
itself
...
'
Marlow
paused
to
put
new
life
into
his
expiring
cheroot
,
seemed
to
forget
all
about
the
story
,
and
abruptly
began
again
.
'
My
fault
of
course
.
One
has
no
business
really
to
get
interested
.
It
's
a
weakness
of
mine
.
His
was
of
another
kind
.
My
weakness
consists
in
not
having
a
discriminating
eye
for
the
incidental
--
for
the
externals
--
no
eye
for
the
hod
of
the
rag-picker
or
the
fine
linen
of
the
next
man
.
Next
man
--
that
's
it
.
I
have
met
so
many
men
,
'
he
pursued
,
with
momentary
sadness
--
'
met
them
too
with
a
certain
--
certain
--
impact
,
let
us
say
;
like
this
fellow
,
for
instance
--
and
in
each
case
all
I
could
see
was
merely
the
human
being
.
A
confounded
democratic
quality
of
vision
which
may
be
better
than
total
blindness
,
but
has
been
of
no
advantage
to
me
,
I
can
assure
you
.
Men
expect
one
to
take
into
account
their
fine
linen
.
But
I
never
could
get
up
any
enthusiasm
about
these
things
.
Oh
!
it
's
a
failing
;
it
's
a
failing
;
and
then
comes
a
soft
evening
;
a
lot
of
men
too
indolent
for
whist
--
and
a
story
...
'
He
paused
again
to
wait
for
an
encouraging
remark
,
perhaps
,
but
nobody
spoke
;
only
the
host
,
as
if
reluctantly
performing
a
duty
,
murmured
--
'
You
are
so
subtle
,
Marlow
.
'
'
Who
?
I
?
'
said
Marlow
in
a
low
voice
.
'
Oh
no
!
But
he
was
;
and
try
as
I
may
for
the
success
of
this
yarn
,
I
am
missing
innumerable
shades
--
they
were
so
fine
,
so
difficult
to
render
in
colourless
words
.
Because
he
complicated
matters
by
being
so
simple
,
too
--
the
simplest
poor
devil
!
...
By
Jove
!
he
was
amazing
.
There
he
sat
telling
me
that
just
as
I
saw
him
before
my
eyes
he
would
n't
be
afraid
to
face
anything
--
and
believing
in
it
too
.
I
tell
you
it
was
fabulously
innocent
and
it
was
enormous
,
enormous
!
I
watched
him
covertly
,
just
as
though
I
had
suspected
him
of
an
intention
to
take
a
jolly
good
rise
out
of
me
.
He
was
confident
that
,
on
the
square
,
"
on
the
square
,
mind
!
"
there
was
nothing
he
could
n't
meet
.
Ever
since
he
had
been
"
so
high
"
--
"
quite
a
little
chap
,
"
he
had
been
preparing
himself
for
all
the
difficulties
that
can
beset
one
on
land
and
water
.
He
confessed
proudly
to
this
kind
of
foresight
.
He
had
been
elaborating
dangers
and
defences
,
expecting
the
worst
,
rehearsing
his
best
.
He
must
have
led
a
most
exalted
existence
.
Can
you
fancy
it
?
A
succession
of
adventures
,
so
much
glory
,
such
a
victorious
progress
!
and
the
deep
sense
of
his
sagacity
crowning
every
day
of
his
inner
life
.
He
forgot
himself
;
his
eyes
shone
;
and
with
every
word
my
heart
,
searched
by
the
light
of
his
absurdity
,
was
growing
heavier
in
my
breast
.
I
had
no
mind
to
laugh
,
and
lest
I
should
smile
I
made
for
myself
a
stolid
face
.
He
gave
signs
of
irritation
.
"'
It
is
always
the
unexpected
that
happens
,
"
I
said
in
a
propitiatory
tone
.
My
obtuseness
provoked
him
into
a
contemptuous
"
Pshaw
!
"
I
suppose
he
meant
that
the
unexpected
could
n't
touch
him
;
nothing
less
than
the
unconceivable
itself
could
get
over
his
perfect
state
of
preparation
.
He
had
been
taken
unawares
--
and
he
whispered
to
himself
a
malediction
upon
the
waters
and
the
firmament
,
upon
the
ship
,
upon
the
men
.
Everything
had
betrayed
him
!
He
had
been
tricked
into
that
sort
of
high-minded
resignation
which
prevented
him
lifting
as
much
as
his
little
finger
,
while
these
others
who
had
a
very
clear
perception
of
the
actual
necessity
were
tumbling
against
each
other
and
sweating
desperately
over
that
boat
business
.
Something
had
gone
wrong
there
at
the
last
moment
.
It
appears
that
in
their
flurry
they
had
contrived
in
some
mysterious
way
to
get
the
sliding
bolt
of
the
foremost
boat-chock
jammed
tight
,
and
forthwith
had
gone
out
of
the
remnants
of
their
minds
over
the
deadly
nature
of
that
accident
.
It
must
have
been
a
pretty
sight
,
the
fierce
industry
of
these
beggars
toiling
on
a
motionless
ship
that
floated
quietly
in
the
silence
of
a
world
asleep
,
fighting
against
time
for
the
freeing
of
that
boat
,
grovelling
on
all-fours
,
standing
up
in
despair
,
tugging
,
pushing
,
snarling
at
each
other
venomously
,
ready
to
kill
,
ready
to
weep
,
and
only
kept
from
flying
at
each
other
's
throats
by
the
fear
of
death
that
stood
silent
behind
them
like
an
inflexible
and
cold-eyed
taskmaster
.
Oh
yes
!
It
must
have
been
a
pretty
sight
.
He
saw
it
all
,
he
could
talk
about
it
with
scorn
and
bitterness
;
he
had
a
minute
knowledge
of
it
by
means
of
some
sixth
sense
,
I
conclude
,
because
he
swore
to
me
he
had
remained
apart
without
a
glance
at
them
and
at
the
boat
--
without
one
single
glance
.
And
I
believe
him
.
