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- Джозеф Конрад
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- Лорд Джим
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- Стр. 19/107
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That
's
how
I
summed
him
up
to
myself
after
he
left
me
late
in
the
evening
.
I
had
been
staying
at
the
Malabar
House
for
a
few
days
,
and
on
my
pressing
invitation
he
dined
with
me
there
.
'
'
An
outward-bound
mail-boat
had
come
in
that
afternoon
,
and
the
big
dining-room
of
the
hotel
was
more
than
half
full
of
people
with
a-hundred-pounds-round-the-world
tickets
in
their
pockets
.
There
were
married
couples
looking
domesticated
and
bored
with
each
other
in
the
midst
of
their
travels
;
there
were
small
parties
and
large
parties
,
and
lone
individuals
dining
solemnly
or
feasting
boisterously
,
but
all
thinking
,
conversing
,
joking
,
or
scowling
as
was
their
wont
at
home
;
and
just
as
intelligently
receptive
of
new
impressions
as
their
trunks
upstairs
.
Henceforth
they
would
be
labelled
as
having
passed
through
this
and
that
place
,
and
so
would
be
their
luggage
.
They
would
cherish
this
distinction
of
their
persons
,
and
preserve
the
gummed
tickets
on
their
portmanteaus
as
documentary
evidence
,
as
the
only
permanent
trace
of
their
improving
enterprise
.
The
dark-faced
servants
tripped
without
noise
over
the
vast
and
polished
floor
;
now
and
then
a
girl
's
laugh
would
be
heard
,
as
innocent
and
empty
as
her
mind
,
or
,
in
a
sudden
hush
of
crockery
,
a
few
words
in
an
affected
drawl
from
some
wit
embroidering
for
the
benefit
of
a
grinning
tableful
the
last
funny
story
of
shipboard
scandal
.
Two
nomadic
old
maids
,
dressed
up
to
kill
,
worked
acrimoniously
through
the
bill
of
fare
,
whispering
to
each
other
with
faded
lips
,
wooden-faced
and
bizarre
,
like
two
sumptuous
scarecrows
.
A
little
wine
opened
Jim
's
heart
and
loosened
his
tongue
.
His
appetite
was
good
,
too
,
I
noticed
.
He
seemed
to
have
buried
somewhere
the
opening
episode
of
our
acquaintance
.
It
was
like
a
thing
of
which
there
would
be
no
more
question
in
this
world
.
And
all
the
time
I
had
before
me
these
blue
,
boyish
eyes
looking
straight
into
mine
,
this
young
face
,
these
capable
shoulders
,
the
open
bronzed
forehead
with
a
white
line
under
the
roots
of
clustering
fair
hair
,
this
appearance
appealing
at
sight
to
all
my
sympathies
:
this
frank
aspect
,
the
artless
smile
,
the
youthful
seriousness
.
He
was
of
the
right
sort
;
he
was
one
of
us
.
He
talked
soberly
,
with
a
sort
of
composed
unreserve
,
and
with
a
quiet
bearing
that
might
have
been
the
outcome
of
manly
self-control
,
of
impudence
,
of
callousness
,
of
a
colossal
unconsciousness
,
of
a
gigantic
deception
.
Who
can
tell
!
From
our
tone
we
might
have
been
discussing
a
third
person
,
a
football
match
,
last
year
's
weather
.
My
mind
floated
in
a
sea
of
conjectures
till
the
turn
of
the
conversation
enabled
me
,
without
being
offensive
,
to
remark
that
,
upon
the
whole
,
this
inquiry
must
have
been
pretty
trying
to
him
.
He
darted
his
arm
across
the
tablecloth
,
and
clutching
my
hand
by
the
side
of
my
plate
,
glared
fixedly
.
I
was
startled
.
"
It
must
be
awfully
hard
,
"
I
stammered
,
confused
by
this
display
of
speechless
feeling
.
"
It
is
--
hell
,
"
he
burst
out
in
a
muffled
voice
.
'
This
movement
and
these
words
caused
two
well-groomed
male
globe-trotters
at
a
neighbouring
table
to
look
up
in
alarm
from
their
iced
pudding
.
I
rose
,
and
we
passed
into
the
front
gallery
for
coffee
and
cigars
.
'
On
little
octagon
tables
candles
burned
in
glass
globes
;
clumps
of
stiff-leaved
plants
separated
sets
of
cosy
wicker
chairs
;
and
between
the
pairs
of
columns
,
whose
reddish
shafts
caught
in
a
long
row
the
sheen
from
the
tall
windows
,
the
night
,
glittering
and
sombre
,
seemed
to
hang
like
a
splendid
drapery
.
The
riding
lights
of
ships
winked
afar
like
setting
stars
,
and
the
hills
across
the
roadstead
resembled
rounded
black
masses
of
arrested
thunder-clouds
.
"'
I
could
n't
clear
out
,
"
Jim
began
.
"
The
skipper
did
--
that
's
all
very
well
for
him
.
I
could
n't
,
and
I
would
n't
.
They
all
got
out
of
it
in
one
way
or
another
,
but
it
would
n't
do
for
me
.
"
'
I
listened
with
concentrated
attention
,
not
daring
to
stir
in
my
chair
;
I
wanted
to
know
--
and
to
this
day
I
do
n't
know
,
I
can
only
guess
.
He
would
be
confident
and
depressed
all
in
the
same
breath
,
as
if
some
conviction
of
innate
blamelessness
had
checked
the
truth
writhing
within
him
at
every
turn
.
He
began
by
saying
,
in
the
tone
in
which
a
man
would
admit
his
inability
to
jump
a
twenty-foot
wall
,
that
he
could
never
go
home
now
;
and
this
declaration
recalled
to
my
mind
what
Brierly
had
said
,
"
that
the
old
parson
in
Essex
seemed
to
fancy
his
sailor
son
not
a
little
.
"
'
I
ca
n't
tell
you
whether
Jim
knew
he
was
especially
"
fancied
,
"
but
the
tone
of
his
references
to
"
my
Dad
"
was
calculated
to
give
me
a
notion
that
the
good
old
rural
dean
was
about
the
finest
man
that
ever
had
been
worried
by
the
cares
of
a
large
family
since
the
beginning
of
the
world
.
This
,
though
never
stated
,
was
implied
with
an
anxiety
that
there
should
be
no
mistake
about
it
,
which
was
really
very
true
and
charming
,
but
added
a
poignant
sense
of
lives
far
off
to
the
other
elements
of
the
story
.
"
He
has
seen
it
all
in
the
home
papers
by
this
time
,
"
said
Jim
.
"
I
can
never
face
the
poor
old
chap
.
"
I
did
not
dare
to
lift
my
eyes
at
this
till
I
heard
him
add
,
"
I
could
never
explain
.
He
would
n't
understand
.
"
Then
I
looked
up
.
He
was
smoking
reflectively
,
and
after
a
moment
,
rousing
himself
,
began
to
talk
again
.
He
discovered
at
once
a
desire
that
I
should
not
confound
him
with
his
partners
in
--
in
crime
,
let
us
call
it
.
He
was
not
one
of
them
;
he
was
altogether
of
another
sort
.
I
gave
no
sign
of
dissent
.
I
had
no
intention
,
for
the
sake
of
barren
truth
,
to
rob
him
of
the
smallest
particle
of
any
saving
grace
that
would
come
in
his
way
.
I
did
n't
know
how
much
of
it
he
believed
himself
.
I
did
n't
know
what
he
was
playing
up
to
--
if
he
was
playing
up
to
anything
at
all
--
and
I
suspect
he
did
not
know
either
;
for
it
is
my
belief
no
man
ever
understands
quite
his
own
artful
dodges
to
escape
from
the
grim
shadow
of
self-knowledge
.
I
made
no
sound
all
the
time
he
was
wondering
what
he
had
better
do
after
"
that
stupid
inquiry
was
over
.
"
'
Apparently
he
shared
Brierly
's
contemptuous
opinion
of
these
proceedings
ordained
by
law
.
He
would
not
know
where
to
turn
,
he
confessed
,
clearly
thinking
aloud
rather
than
talking
to
me
.
Certificate
gone
,
career
broken
,
no
money
to
get
away
,
no
work
that
he
could
obtain
as
far
as
he
could
see
.
At
home
he
could
perhaps
get
something
;
but
it
meant
going
to
his
people
for
help
,
and
that
he
would
not
do
.
He
saw
nothing
for
it
but
ship
before
the
mast
--
could
get
perhaps
a
quartermaster
's
billet
in
some
steamer
.
Would
do
for
a
quartermaster
...
"
Do
you
think
you
would
?
"
I
asked
pitilessly
.
He
jumped
up
,
and
going
to
the
stone
balustrade
looked
out
into
the
night
.
In
a
moment
he
was
back
,
towering
above
my
chair
with
his
youthful
face
clouded
yet
by
the
pain
of
a
conquered
emotion
.
He
had
understood
very
well
I
did
not
doubt
his
ability
to
steer
a
ship
.
In
a
voice
that
quavered
a
bit
he
asked
me
why
did
I
say
that
?
I
had
been
"
no
end
kind
"
to
him
.
I
had
not
even
laughed
at
him
when
--
here
he
began
to
mumble
--
"
that
mistake
,
you
know
--
made
a
confounded
ass
of
myself
.
"
I
broke
in
by
saying
rather
warmly
that
for
me
such
a
mistake
was
not
a
matter
to
laugh
at
.
He
sat
down
and
drank
deliberately
some
coffee
,
emptying
the
small
cup
to
the
last
drop
.
"
That
does
not
mean
I
admit
for
a
moment
the
cap
fitted
,
"
he
declared
distinctly
.
"
No
?
"
I
said
.
"
No
,
"
he
affirmed
with
quiet
decision
.
