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- Джозеф Конрад
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And
yet
,
haggard
as
he
appeared
,
he
looked
always
perfectly
self
-
controlled
,
more
than
calm
—
almost
invulnerable
.
On
my
suggestion
he
remained
almost
entirely
in
the
bathroom
,
which
,
upon
the
whole
,
was
the
safest
place
.
There
could
be
really
no
shadow
of
an
excuse
for
anyone
ever
wanting
to
go
in
there
,
once
the
steward
had
done
with
it
.
It
was
a
very
tiny
place
.
Sometimes
he
reclined
on
the
floor
,
his
legs
bent
,
his
head
sustained
on
one
elbow
.
At
others
I
would
find
him
on
the
campstool
,
sitting
in
his
gray
sleeping
suit
and
with
his
cropped
dark
hair
like
a
patient
,
unmoved
convict
.
At
night
I
would
smuggle
him
into
my
bed
place
,
and
we
would
whisper
together
,
with
the
regular
footfalls
of
the
officer
of
the
watch
passing
and
repassing
over
our
heads
.
It
was
an
infinitely
miserable
time
.
It
was
lucky
that
some
tins
of
fine
preserves
were
stowed
in
a
locker
in
my
stateroom
;
hard
bread
I
could
always
get
hold
of
;
and
so
he
lived
on
stewed
chicken
,
Pate
de
Foie
Gras
,
asparagus
,
cooked
oysters
,
sardines
—
on
all
sorts
of
abominable
sham
delicacies
out
of
tins
.
My
early
-
morning
coffee
he
always
drank
;
and
it
was
all
I
dared
do
for
him
in
that
respect
.
Every
day
there
was
the
horrible
maneuvering
to
go
through
so
that
my
room
and
then
the
bathroom
should
be
done
in
the
usual
way
.
I
came
to
hate
the
sight
of
the
steward
,
to
abhor
the
voice
of
that
harmless
man
.
I
felt
that
it
was
he
who
would
bring
on
the
disaster
of
discovery
.
It
hung
like
a
sword
over
our
heads
.
The
fourth
day
out
,
I
think
(
we
were
then
working
down
the
east
side
of
the
Gulf
of
Siam
,
tack
for
tack
,
in
light
winds
and
smooth
water
)
—
the
fourth
day
,
I
say
,
of
this
miserable
juggling
with
the
unavoidable
,
as
we
sat
at
our
evening
meal
,
that
man
,
whose
slightest
movement
I
dreaded
,
after
putting
down
the
dishes
ran
up
on
deck
busily
.
This
could
not
be
dangerous
.
Presently
he
came
down
again
;
and
then
it
appeared
that
he
had
remembered
a
coat
of
mine
which
I
had
thrown
over
a
rail
to
dry
after
having
been
wetted
in
a
shower
which
had
passed
over
the
ship
in
the
afternoon
.
Sitting
stolidly
at
the
head
of
the
table
I
became
terrified
at
the
sight
of
the
garment
on
his
arm
.
Of
course
he
made
for
my
door
.
There
was
no
time
to
lose
.
“
Steward
,
”
I
thundered
.
My
nerves
were
so
shaken
that
I
could
not
govern
my
voice
and
conceal
my
agitation
.
This
was
the
sort
of
thing
that
made
my
terrifically
whiskered
mate
tap
his
forehead
with
his
forefinger
.
I
had
detected
him
using
that
gesture
while
talking
on
deck
with
a
confidential
air
to
the
carpenter
.
It
was
too
far
to
hear
a
word
,
but
I
had
no
doubt
that
this
pantomime
could
only
refer
to
the
strange
new
captain
.
“
Yes
,
sir
,
”
the
pale
-
faced
steward
turned
resignedly
to
me
.
It
was
this
maddening
course
of
being
shouted
at
,
checked
without
rhyme
or
reason
,
arbitrarily
chased
out
of
my
cabin
,
suddenly
called
into
it
,
sent
flying
out
of
his
pantry
on
incomprehensible
errands
,
that
accounted
for
the
growing
wretchedness
of
his
expression
.
“
Where
are
you
going
with
that
coat
?
”
“
To
your
room
,
sir
.
”
“
Is
there
another
shower
coming
?
”
“
I
’
m
sure
I
don
’
t
know
,
sir
.
Shall
I
go
up
again
and
see
,
sir
?
”
