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- Джозеф Конрад
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- Стр. 23/38
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“
I
’
ll
be
on
deck
directly
.
”
I
was
going
out
to
make
the
acquaintance
of
my
ship
.
Before
I
left
the
cabin
our
eyes
met
—
the
eyes
of
the
only
two
strangers
on
board
.
I
pointed
to
the
recessed
part
where
the
little
campstool
awaited
him
and
laid
my
finger
on
my
lips
.
He
made
a
gesture
—
somewhat
vague
—
a
little
mysterious
,
accompanied
by
a
faint
smile
,
as
if
of
regret
.
This
is
not
the
place
to
enlarge
upon
the
sensations
of
a
man
who
feels
for
the
first
time
a
ship
move
under
his
feet
to
his
own
independent
word
.
In
my
case
they
were
not
unalloyed
.
I
was
not
wholly
alone
with
my
command
;
for
there
was
that
stranger
in
my
cabin
.
Or
rather
,
I
was
not
completely
and
wholly
with
her
.
Part
of
me
was
absent
.
That
mental
feeling
of
being
in
two
places
at
once
affected
me
physically
as
if
the
mood
of
secrecy
had
penetrated
my
very
soul
.
Before
an
hour
had
elapsed
since
the
ship
had
begun
to
move
,
having
occasion
to
ask
the
mate
(
he
stood
by
my
side
)
to
take
a
compass
bearing
of
the
pagoda
,
I
caught
myself
reaching
up
to
his
ear
in
whispers
.
I
say
I
caught
myself
,
but
enough
had
escaped
to
startle
the
man
.
I
can
’
t
describe
it
otherwise
than
by
saying
that
he
shied
.
A
grave
,
preoccupied
manner
,
as
though
he
were
in
possession
of
some
perplexing
intelligence
,
did
not
leave
him
henceforth
.
A
little
later
I
moved
away
from
the
rail
to
look
at
the
compass
with
such
a
stealthy
gait
that
the
helmsman
noticed
it
—
and
I
could
not
help
noticing
the
unusual
roundness
of
his
eyes
.
These
are
trifling
instances
,
though
it
’
s
to
no
commander
’
s
advantage
to
be
suspected
of
ludicrous
eccentricities
.
But
I
was
also
more
seriously
affected
.
There
are
to
a
seaman
certain
words
,
gestures
,
that
should
in
given
conditions
come
as
naturally
,
as
instinctively
as
the
winking
of
a
menaced
eye
.
A
certain
order
should
spring
on
to
his
lips
without
thinking
;
a
certain
sign
should
get
itself
made
,
so
to
speak
,
without
reflection
.
But
all
unconscious
alertness
had
abandoned
me
.
I
had
to
make
an
effort
of
will
to
recall
myself
back
(
from
the
cabin
)
to
the
conditions
of
the
moment
.
I
felt
that
I
was
appearing
an
irresolute
commander
to
those
people
who
were
watching
me
more
or
less
critically
.
And
,
besides
,
there
were
the
scares
.
On
the
second
day
out
,
for
instance
,
coming
off
the
deck
in
the
afternoon
(
I
had
straw
slippers
on
my
bare
feet
)
I
stopped
at
the
open
pantry
door
and
spoke
to
the
steward
.
He
was
doing
something
there
with
his
back
to
me
.
At
the
sound
of
my
voice
he
nearly
jumped
out
of
his
skin
,
as
the
saying
is
,
and
incidentally
broke
a
cup
.
“
What
on
earth
’
s
the
matter
with
you
?
”
I
asked
,
astonished
.
He
was
extremely
confused
.
“
Beg
your
pardon
,
sir
.
I
made
sure
you
were
in
your
cabin
.
”
“
You
see
I
wasn
’
t
.
”
“
No
,
sir
.
I
could
have
sworn
I
had
heard
you
moving
in
there
not
a
moment
ago
.
It
’
s
most
extraordinary
.
.
.
very
sorry
,
sir
.
”
I
passed
on
with
an
inward
shudder
.
I
was
so
identified
with
my
secret
double
that
I
did
not
even
mention
the
fact
in
those
scanty
,
fearful
whispers
we
exchanged
.
I
suppose
he
had
made
some
slight
noise
of
some
kind
or
other
.
It
would
have
been
miraculous
if
he
hadn
’
t
at
one
time
or
another
.
