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- Джозеф Конрад
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- Стр. 10/38
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“
When
we
sighted
Java
Head
I
had
had
time
to
think
all
those
matters
out
several
times
over
.
I
had
six
weeks
of
doing
nothing
else
,
and
with
only
an
hour
or
so
every
evening
for
a
tramp
on
the
quarter
-
deck
.
”
He
whispered
,
his
arms
folded
on
the
side
of
my
bed
place
,
staring
through
the
open
port
.
And
I
could
imagine
perfectly
the
manner
of
this
thinking
out
—
a
stubborn
if
not
a
steadfast
operation
;
something
of
which
I
should
have
been
perfectly
incapable
.
“
I
reckoned
it
would
be
dark
before
we
closed
with
the
land
,
”
he
continued
,
so
low
that
I
had
to
strain
my
hearing
near
as
we
were
to
each
other
,
shoulder
touching
shoulder
almost
.
“
So
I
asked
to
speak
to
the
old
man
.
He
always
seemed
very
sick
when
he
came
to
see
me
—
as
if
he
could
not
look
me
in
the
face
.
You
know
,
that
foresail
saved
the
ship
.
She
was
too
deep
to
have
run
long
under
bare
poles
.
And
it
was
I
that
managed
to
set
it
for
him
.
Anyway
,
he
came
.
When
I
had
him
in
my
cabin
—
he
stood
by
the
door
looking
at
me
as
if
I
had
the
halter
round
my
neck
already
—
I
asked
him
right
away
to
leave
my
cabin
door
unlocked
at
night
while
the
ship
was
going
through
Sunda
Straits
.
There
would
be
the
Java
coast
within
two
or
three
miles
,
off
Angier
Point
.
I
wanted
nothing
more
.
I
’
ve
had
a
prize
for
swimming
my
second
year
in
the
Conway
.
”
“
I
can
believe
it
,
”
I
breathed
out
.
“
God
only
knows
why
they
locked
me
in
every
night
.
To
see
some
of
their
faces
you
’
d
have
thought
they
were
afraid
I
’
d
go
about
at
night
strangling
people
.
Am
I
a
murdering
brute
?
Do
I
look
it
?
By
Jove
!
If
I
had
been
he
wouldn
’
t
have
trusted
himself
like
that
into
my
room
.
You
’
ll
say
I
might
have
chucked
him
aside
and
bolted
out
,
there
and
then
—
it
was
dark
already
.
Well
,
no
.
And
for
the
same
reason
I
wouldn
’
t
think
of
trying
to
smash
the
door
.
There
would
have
been
a
rush
to
stop
me
at
the
noise
,
and
I
did
not
mean
to
get
into
a
confounded
scrimmage
.
Somebody
else
might
have
got
killed
—
for
I
would
not
have
broken
out
only
to
get
chucked
back
,
and
I
did
not
want
any
more
of
that
work
.
He
refused
,
looking
more
sick
than
ever
.
He
was
afraid
of
the
men
,
and
also
of
that
old
second
mate
of
his
who
had
been
sailing
with
him
for
years
—
a
gray
-
headed
old
humbug
;
and
his
steward
,
too
,
had
been
with
him
devil
knows
how
long
—
seventeen
years
or
more
—
a
dogmatic
sort
of
loafer
who
hated
me
like
poison
,
just
because
I
was
the
chief
mate
.
No
chief
mate
ever
made
more
than
one
voyage
in
the
Sephora
,
you
know
.
Those
two
old
chaps
ran
the
ship
.
Devil
only
knows
what
the
skipper
wasn
’
t
afraid
of
(
all
his
nerve
went
to
pieces
altogether
in
that
hellish
spell
of
bad
weather
we
had
)
—
of
what
the
law
would
do
to
him
—
of
his
wife
,
perhaps
.
Oh
,
yes
!
she
’
s
on
board
.
Though
I
don
’
t
think
she
would
have
meddled
.
She
would
have
been
only
too
glad
to
have
me
out
of
the
ship
in
any
way
.
The
‘
brand
of
Cain
’
business
,
don
’
t
you
see
.
That
’
s
all
right
.
I
was
ready
enough
to
go
off
wandering
on
the
face
of
the
earth
—
and
that
was
price
enough
to
pay
for
an
Abel
of
that
sort
.
Anyhow
,
he
wouldn
’
t
listen
to
me
.
‘
This
thing
must
take
its
course
.
I
represent
the
law
here
.
’
He
was
shaking
like
a
leaf
.
‘
So
you
won
’
t
?
’
‘
No
!
’
‘
Then
I
hope
you
will
be
able
to
sleep
on
that
,
’
I
said
,
and
turned
my
back
on
him
.
‘
I
wonder
that
you
can
,
’
cries
he
,
and
locks
the
door
.
“
Well
after
that
,
I
couldn
’
t
.
Not
very
well
.
That
was
three
weeks
ago
.
We
have
had
a
slow
passage
through
the
Java
Sea
;
drifted
about
Carimata
for
ten
days
.
When
we
anchored
here
they
thought
,
I
suppose
,
it
was
all
right
.
The
nearest
land
(
and
that
’
s
five
miles
)
is
the
ship
’
s
destination
;
the
consul
would
soon
set
about
catching
me
;
and
there
would
have
been
no
object
in
holding
to
these
islets
there
.
I
don
’
t
suppose
there
’
s
a
drop
of
water
on
them
.
I
don
’
t
know
how
it
was
,
but
tonight
that
steward
,
after
bringing
me
my
supper
,
went
out
to
let
me
eat
it
,
and
left
the
door
unlocked
.
And
I
ate
it
—
all
there
was
,
too
.
After
I
had
finished
I
strolled
out
on
the
quarter
-
deck
.
I
don
’
t
know
that
I
meant
to
do
anything
.
A
breath
of
fresh
air
was
all
I
wanted
,
I
believe
.
Then
a
sudden
temptation
came
over
me
.
I
kicked
off
my
slippers
and
was
in
the
water
before
I
had
made
up
my
mind
fairly
.
Somebody
heard
the
splash
and
they
raised
an
awful
hullabaloo
.
‘
He
’
s
gone
!
Lower
the
boats
!
He
’
s
committed
suicide
!
No
,
he
’
s
swimming
.
’
Certainly
I
was
swimming
.
It
’
s
not
so
easy
for
a
swimmer
like
me
to
commit
suicide
by
drowning
.
I
landed
on
the
nearest
islet
before
the
boat
left
the
ship
’
s
side
.
I
heard
them
pulling
about
in
the
dark
,
hailing
,
and
so
on
,
but
after
a
bit
they
gave
up
.
Everything
quieted
down
and
the
anchorage
became
still
as
death
.
I
sat
down
on
a
stone
and
began
to
think
.
I
felt
certain
they
would
start
searching
for
me
at
daylight
.
There
was
no
place
to
hide
on
those
stony
things
—
and
if
there
had
been
,
what
would
have
been
the
good
?
But
now
I
was
clear
of
that
ship
,
I
was
not
going
back
.
So
after
a
while
I
took
off
all
my
clothes
,
tied
them
up
in
a
bundle
with
a
stone
inside
,
and
dropped
them
in
the
deep
water
on
the
outer
side
of
that
islet
.
That
was
suicide
enough
for
me
.
Let
them
think
what
they
liked
,
but
I
didn
’
t
mean
to
drown
myself
.
I
meant
to
swim
till
I
sank
—
but
that
’
s
not
the
same
thing
.
I
struck
out
for
another
of
these
little
islands
,
and
it
was
from
that
one
that
I
first
saw
your
riding
light
.
Something
to
swim
for
.
I
went
on
easily
,
and
on
the
way
I
came
upon
a
flat
rock
a
foot
or
two
above
water
.
In
the
daytime
,
I
dare
say
,
you
might
make
it
out
with
a
glass
from
your
poop
.
I
scrambled
up
on
it
and
rested
myself
for
a
bit
.
Then
I
made
another
start
.
That
last
spell
must
have
been
over
a
mile
.
”
His
whisper
was
getting
fainter
and
fainter
,
and
all
the
time
he
stared
straight
out
through
the
porthole
,
in
which
there
was
not
even
a
star
to
be
seen
.
I
had
not
interrupted
him
.
There
was
something
that
made
comment
impossible
in
his
narrative
,
or
perhaps
in
himself
;
a
sort
of
feeling
,
a
quality
,
which
I
can
’
t
find
a
name
for
.
And
when
he
ceased
,
all
I
found
was
a
futile
whisper
:
“
So
you
swam
for
our
light
?
”
