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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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- Стр. 201/452
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"
Dress
warm
,
"
said
the
mother
,
who
seemed
to
know
.
Colonel
Cathcart
was
a
slick
,
successful
,
slipshod
,
unhappy
man
of
thirty
-
six
who
lumbered
when
he
walked
and
wanted
to
be
a
general
.
He
was
dashing
and
dejected
,
poised
and
chagrined
.
He
was
complacent
and
insecure
,
daring
in
the
administrative
stratagems
he
employed
to
bring
himself
to
the
attention
of
his
superiors
and
craven
in
his
concern
that
his
schemes
might
all
backfire
.
He
was
handsome
and
unattractive
,
a
swashbuckling
,
beefy
,
conceited
man
who
was
putting
on
fat
and
was
tormented
chronically
by
prolonged
seizures
of
apprehension
.
Colonel
Cathcart
was
conceited
because
he
was
a
full
colonel
with
a
combat
command
at
the
age
of
only
thirty
-
six
;
and
Colonel
Cathcart
was
dejected
because
although
he
was
already
thirty
-
six
he
was
still
only
a
full
colonel
.
Colonel
Cathcart
was
impervious
to
absolutes
.
He
could
measure
his
own
progress
only
in
relationship
to
others
,
and
his
idea
of
excellence
was
to
do
something
at
least
as
well
as
all
the
men
his
own
age
who
were
doing
the
same
thing
even
better
.
The
fact
that
there
were
thousands
of
men
his
own
age
and
older
who
had
not
even
attained
the
rank
of
major
enlivened
him
with
foppish
delight
in
his
own
remarkable
worth
;
on
the
other
hand
,
the
fact
that
there
were
men
of
his
own
age
and
younger
who
were
already
generals
contaminated
him
with
an
agonizing
sense
of
failure
and
made
him
gnaw
at
his
fingernails
with
an
unappeasable
anxiety
that
was
even
more
intense
than
Hungry
Joe
’
s
.
Colonel
Cathcart
was
a
very
large
,
pouting
,
broadshouldered
man
with
close
-
cropped
curly
dark
hair
that
was
graying
at
the
tips
and
an
ornate
cigarette
holder
that
he
purchased
the
day
before
he
arrived
in
Pianosa
to
take
command
of
his
group
.
He
displayed
the
cigarette
holder
grandly
on
every
occasion
and
had
learned
to
manipulate
it
adroitly
.
Unwittingly
,
he
had
discovered
deep
within
himself
a
fertile
aptitude
for
smoking
with
a
cigarette
holder
.
As
far
as
he
could
tell
,
his
was
the
only
cigarette
holder
in
the
whole
Mediterranean
theater
of
operations
,
and
the
thought
was
both
flattering
and
disquieting
.
He
had
no
doubts
at
all
that
someone
as
debonair
and
intellectual
as
General
Peckem
approved
of
his
smoking
with
a
cigarette
holder
,
even
though
the
two
were
in
each
other
’
s
presence
rather
seldom
,
which
in
a
way
was
very
lucky
,
Colonel
Cathcart
recognized
with
relief
,
since
General
Peckem
might
not
have
approved
of
his
cigarette
holder
at
all
.
When
such
misgivings
assailed
Colonel
Cathcart
,
he
choked
back
a
sob
and
wanted
to
throw
the
damned
thing
away
,
but
he
was
restrained
by
his
unswerving
conviction
that
the
cigarette
holder
never
failed
to
embellish
his
masculine
,
martial
physique
with
a
high
gloss
of
sophisticated
heroism
that
illuminated
him
to
dazzling
advantage
among
all
the
other
full
colonels
in
the
American
Army
with
whom
he
was
in
competition
.
Although
how
could
he
be
sure
?
Colonel
Cathcart
was
indefatigable
that
way
,
an
industrious
,
intense
,
dedicated
military
tactician
who
calculated
day
and
night
in
the
service
of
himself
.
He
was
his
own
sarcophagus
,
a
bold
and
infallible
diplomat
who
was
always
berating
himself
disgustedly
for
all
the
chances
he
had
missed
and
kicking
himself
regretfully
for
all
the
errors
he
had
made
.
He
was
tense
,
irritable
,
bitter
and
smug
.
He
was
a
valorous
opportunist
who
pounced
hoggishly
upon
every
opportunity
Colonel
Korn
discovered
for
him
and
trembled
in
damp
despair
immediately
afterward
at
the
possible
consequences
he
might
suffer
.
He
collected
rumors
greedily
and
treasured
gossip
.
He
believed
all
the
news
he
heard
and
had
faith
in
none
.
He
was
on
the
alert
constantly
for
every
signal
,
shrewdly
sensitive
to
relationships
and
situations
that
did
not
exist
.
He
was
someone
in
the
know
who
was
always
striving
pathetically
to
find
out
what
was
going
on
.
He
was
a
blustering
,
intrepid
bully
who
brooded
inconsolably
over
the
terrible
ineradicable
impressions
he
knew
he
kept
making
on
people
of
prominence
who
were
scarcely
aware
that
he
was
even
alive
.
Everybody
was
persecuting
him
.
Colonel
Cathcart
lived
by
his
wits
in
an
unstable
,
arithmetical
world
of
black
eyes
and
feathers
in
his
cap
,
of
overwhelming
imaginary
triumphs
and
catastrophic
imaginary
defeats
.
He
oscillated
hourly
between
anguish
and
exhilaration
,
multiplying
fantastically
the
grandeur
of
his
victories
and
exaggerating
tragically
the
seriousness
of
his
defeats
.
Nobody
ever
caught
him
napping
.
If
word
reached
him
that
General
Dreedle
or
General
Peckem
had
been
seen
smiling
,
frowning
,
or
doing
neither
,
he
could
not
make
himself
rest
until
he
had
found
an
acceptable
interpretation
and
grumbled
mulishly
until
Colonel
Korn
persuaded
him
to
relax
and
take
things
easy
.
Lieutenant
Colonel
Korn
was
a
loyal
,
indispensable
ally
who
got
on
Colonel
Cathcart
’
s
nerves
.
Colonel
Cathcart
pledged
eternal
gratitude
to
Colonel
Korn
for
the
ingenious
moves
he
devised
and
was
furious
with
him
afterward
when
he
realized
they
might
not
work
.
Colonel
Cathcart
was
greatly
indebted
to
Colonel
Korn
and
did
not
like
him
at
all
.
The
two
were
very
close
.
Colonel
Cathcart
was
jealous
of
Colonel
Korn
’
s
intelligence
and
had
to
remind
himself
often
that
Colonel
Korn
was
still
only
a
lieutenant
colonel
,
even
though
he
was
almost
ten
years
older
than
Colonel
Cathcart
,
and
that
Colonel
Korn
had
obtained
his
education
at
a
state
university
.
Colonel
Cathcart
bewailed
the
miserable
fate
that
had
given
him
for
an
invaluable
assistant
someone
as
common
as
Colonel
Korn
.
It
was
degrading
to
have
to
depend
so
thoroughly
on
a
person
who
had
been
educated
at
a
state
university
.
If
someone
did
have
to
become
indispensable
to
him
,
Colonel
Cathcart
lamented
,
it
could
just
as
easily
have
been
someone
wealthy
and
well
groomed
,
someone
from
a
better
family
who
was
more
mature
than
Colonel
Korn
and
who
did
not
treat
Colonel
Cathcart
’
s
desire
to
become
a
general
as
frivolously
as
Colonel
Cathcart
secretly
suspected
Colonel
Korn
secretly
did
.
Colonel
Cathcart
wanted
to
be
a
general
so
desperately
he
was
willing
to
try
anything
,
even
religion
,
and
he
summoned
the
chaplain
to
his
office
late
one
morning
the
week
after
he
had
raised
the
number
of
missions
to
sixty
and
pointed
abruptly
down
toward
his
desk
to
his
copy
of
The
Saturday
Evening
Post
.
The
colonel
wore
his
khaki
shirt
collar
wide
open
,
exposing
a
shadow
of
tough
black
bristles
of
beard
on
his
egg
-
white
neck
,
and
had
a
spongy
hanging
underlip
.
He
was
a
person
who
never
tanned
,
and
he
kept
out
of
the
sun
as
much
as
possible
to
avoid
burning
.
The
colonel
was
more
than
a
head
taller
than
the
chaplain
and
over
twice
as
broad
,
and
his
swollen
,
overbearing
authority
made
the
chaplain
feel
frail
and
sickly
by
contrast
.
