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- Джозеф Хеллер
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- Уловка 22
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- Стр. 146/452
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The
maid
in
the
lime
-
colored
panties
was
a
cheerful
,
fat
,
obliging
woman
in
her
mid
-
thirties
with
squashy
thighs
and
swaying
hams
in
lime
-
colored
panties
that
she
was
always
rolling
off
for
any
man
who
wanted
her
.
She
had
a
plain
broad
face
and
was
the
most
virtuous
woman
alive
:
she
laid
for
everybody
,
regardless
of
race
,
creed
,
color
or
place
of
national
origin
,
donating
herself
sociably
as
an
act
of
hospitality
,
procrastinating
not
even
for
the
moment
it
might
take
to
discard
the
cloth
or
broom
or
dust
mop
she
was
clutching
at
the
time
she
was
grabbed
.
Her
allure
stemmed
from
her
accessibility
;
like
Mt
.
Everest
,
she
was
there
,
and
the
men
climbed
on
top
of
her
each
time
they
felt
the
urge
.
Yossarian
was
in
love
with
the
maid
in
the
lime
-
colored
panties
because
she
seemed
to
be
the
only
woman
left
he
could
make
love
to
without
falling
in
love
with
.
Even
the
bald
-
headed
girl
in
Sicily
still
evoked
in
him
strong
sensations
of
pity
,
tenderness
and
regret
.
Despite
the
multiple
perils
to
which
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
exposed
himself
each
time
he
rented
apartments
,
his
only
injury
had
occurred
,
ironically
enough
,
while
he
was
leading
the
triumphal
procession
into
the
open
city
of
Rome
,
where
he
was
wounded
in
the
eye
by
a
flower
fired
at
him
from
close
range
by
a
seedy
,
cackling
,
intoxicated
old
man
,
who
,
like
Satan
himself
,
had
then
bounded
up
on
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
’
s
car
with
malicious
glee
,
seized
him
roughly
and
contemptuously
by
his
venerable
white
head
and
kissed
him
mockingly
on
each
cheek
with
a
mouth
reeking
with
sour
fumes
of
wine
,
cheese
and
garlic
,
before
dropping
back
into
the
joyous
celebrating
throngs
with
a
hollow
,
dry
,
excoriating
laugh
.
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
,
a
Spartan
in
adversity
,
did
not
flinch
once
throughout
the
whole
hideous
ordeal
.
And
not
until
he
had
returned
to
Pianosa
,
his
business
in
Rome
completed
,
did
he
seek
medical
attention
for
his
wound
.
He
resolved
to
remain
binocular
and
specified
to
Doc
Daneeka
that
his
eye
patch
be
transparent
so
that
he
could
continue
pitching
horseshoes
,
kidnapping
Italian
laborers
and
renting
apartments
with
unimpaired
vision
.
To
the
men
in
the
squadron
,
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
was
a
colossus
,
although
they
never
dared
tell
him
so
.
The
only
one
who
ever
did
dare
address
him
was
Milo
Minderbinder
,
who
approached
the
horseshoe
-
pitching
pit
with
a
hard
-
boiled
egg
his
second
week
in
the
squadron
and
held
it
aloft
for
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
to
see
.
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
straightened
with
astonishment
at
Milo
’
s
effrontery
and
concentrated
upon
him
the
full
fury
of
his
storming
countenance
with
its
rugged
overhang
of
gullied
forehead
and
huge
crag
of
a
humpbacked
nose
that
came
charging
out
of
his
face
wrathfully
like
a
Big
Ten
fullback
.
Milo
stood
his
ground
,
taking
shelter
behind
the
hard
-
boiled
egg
raised
protectively
before
his
face
like
a
magic
charm
.
In
time
the
gale
began
to
subside
,
and
the
danger
passed
.
"
What
is
that
?
"
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
demanded
at
last
.
"
An
egg
,
"
Milo
answered
.
"
What
kind
of
an
egg
?
"
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
demanded
.
"
A
hard
-
boiled
egg
,
"
Milo
answered
.
"
What
kind
of
a
hard
-
boiled
egg
?
"
Major
—
—
de
Coverley
demanded
.
"
A
fresh
hard
-
boiled
egg
,
"
Milo
answered
.
