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Pity
the
laden
one
;
this
wandering
woeMay
visit
you
and
me
.
When
Lydgate
had
allayed
Mrs
.
Bulstrode
’
s
anxiety
by
telling
her
that
her
husband
had
been
seized
with
faintness
at
the
meeting
,
but
that
he
trusted
soon
to
see
him
better
and
would
call
again
the
next
day
,
unless
she
-
sent
for
him
earlier
,
he
went
directly
home
,
got
on
his
horse
,
and
rode
three
miles
out
of
the
town
for
the
sake
of
being
out
of
reach
.
He
felt
himself
becoming
violent
and
unreasonable
as
if
raging
under
the
pain
of
stings
:
he
was
ready
to
curse
the
day
on
which
he
had
come
to
Middlemarch
.
Everything
that
bad
happened
to
him
there
seemed
a
mere
preparation
for
this
hateful
fatality
,
which
had
come
as
a
blight
on
his
honorable
ambition
,
and
must
make
even
people
who
had
only
vulgar
standards
regard
his
reputation
as
irrevocably
damaged
.
In
such
moments
a
man
can
hardly
escape
being
unloving
.
Lydgate
thought
of
himself
as
the
sufferer
,
and
of
others
as
the
agents
who
had
injured
his
lot
.
He
had
meant
everything
to
turn
out
differently
;
and
others
had
thrust
themselves
into
his
life
and
thwarted
his
purposes
.
His
marriage
seemed
an
unmitigated
calamity
;
and
he
was
afraid
of
going
to
Rosamond
before
he
had
vented
himself
in
this
solitary
rage
,
lest
the
mere
sight
of
her
should
exasperate
him
and
make
him
behave
unwarrantably
.
There
are
episodes
in
most
men
’
s
lives
in
which
their
highest
qualities
can
only
cast
a
deterring
shadow
over
the
objects
that
fill
their
inward
vision
:
Lydgate
’
s
tenderheartedness
was
present
just
then
only
as
a
dread
lest
he
should
offend
against
it
,
not
as
an
emotion
that
swayed
him
to
tenderness
.
For
he
was
very
miserable
.
Only
those
who
know
the
supremacy
of
the
intellectual
life
—
the
life
which
has
a
seed
of
ennobling
thought
and
purpose
within
it
—
can
understand
the
grief
of
one
who
falls
from
that
serene
activity
into
the
absorbing
soul
-
wasting
struggle
with
worldly
annoyances
.
How
was
he
to
live
on
without
vindicating
himself
among
people
who
suspected
him
of
baseness
?
How
could
he
go
silently
away
from
Middlemarch
as
if
he
were
retreating
before
a
just
condemnation
?
And
yet
how
was
he
to
set
about
vindicating
himself
?
For
that
scene
at
the
meeting
,
which
he
had
just
witnessed
,
although
it
had
told
him
no
particulars
,
had
been
enough
to
make
his
own
situation
thoroughly
clear
to
him
.
Bulstrode
had
been
in
dread
of
scandalous
disclosures
on
the
part
of
Raffles
.
Lydgate
could
now
construct
all
the
probabilities
of
the
case
.
"
He
was
afraid
of
some
betrayal
in
my
hearing
:
all
he
wanted
was
to
bind
me
to
him
by
a
strong
obligation
:
that
was
why
he
passed
on
a
sudden
from
hardness
to
liberality
.
And
he
may
have
tampered
with
the
patient
—
he
may
have
disobeyed
my
orders
.
I
fear
he
did
.
But
whether
he
did
or
not
,
the
world
believes
that
he
somehow
or
other
poisoned
the
man
and
that
I
winked
at
the
crime
,
if
I
didn
’
t
help
in
it
.
And
yet
—
and
yet
he
may
not
be
guilty
of
the
last
offence
;
and
it
is
just
possible
that
the
change
towards
me
may
have
been
a
genuine
relenting
—
the
effect
of
second
thoughts
such
as
he
alleged
.
What
we
call
the
‘
just
possible
’
is
sometimes
true
and
the
thing
we
find
it
easier
to
believe
is
grossly
false
.
In
his
last
dealings
with
this
man
Bulstrode
may
have
kept
his
hands
pure
,
in
spite
of
my
suspicion
to
the
contrary
.
"
There
was
a
benumbing
cruelty
in
his
position
.
Even
if
he
renounced
every
other
consideration
than
that
of
justifying
himself
—
if
he
met
shrugs
,
cold
glances
,
and
avoidance
as
an
accusation
,
and
made
a
public
statement
of
all
the
facts
as
he
knew
them
,
who
would
be
convinced
?
It
would
be
playing
the
part
of
a
fool
to
offer
his
own
testimony
on
behalf
of
himself
,
and
say
,
"
I
did
not
take
the
money
as
a
bribe
.
"
The
circumstances
would
always
be
stronger
than
his
assertion
.
And
besides
,
to
come
forward
and
tell
everything
about
himself
must
include
declarations
about
Bulstrode
which
would
darken
the
suspicions
of
others
against
him
.
He
must
tell
that
he
had
not
known
of
Raffles
’
s
existence
when
he
first
mentioned
his
pressing
need
of
money
to
Bulstrode
,
and
that
he
took
the
money
innocently
as
a
result
of
that
communication
,
not
knowing
that
a
new
motive
for
the
loan
might
have
arisen
on
his
being
called
in
to
this
man
.
And
after
all
,
the
suspicion
of
Bulstrode
’
s
motives
might
be
unjust
.
But
then
came
the
question
whether
he
should
have
acted
in
precisely
the
same
way
if
he
had
not
taken
the
money
?
Certainly
,
if
Raffles
had
continued
alive
and
susceptible
of
further
treatment
when
he
arrived
,
and
he
had
then
imagined
any
disobedience
to
his
orders
on
the
part
of
Bulstrode
,
he
would
have
made
a
strict
inquiry
,
and
if
his
conjecture
had
been
verified
he
would
have
thrown
up
the
case
,
in
spite
of
his
recent
heavy
obligation
.
But
if
he
had
not
received
any
money
—
if
Bulstrode
had
never
revoked
his
cold
recommendation
of
bankruptcy
—
would
he
,
Lydgate
,
have
abstained
from
all
inquiry
even
on
finding
the
man
dead
?
—
would
the
shrinking
from
an
insult
to
Bulstrode
—
would
the
dubiousness
of
all
medical
treatment
and
the
argument
that
his
own
treatment
would
pass
for
the
wrong
with
most
members
of
his
profession
—
have
had
just
the
same
force
or
significance
with
him
?
