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Nilson
touched
the
desk
here
and
there
with
his
fingertips
.
"
Even
the
people
you
’
re
trying
to
help
will
hate
you
most
of
the
time
.
Do
you
know
that
?
"
"
Yes
.
"
"
Well
,
why
do
you
want
to
join
,
then
?
"
Jim
’
s
grey
eyes
half
closed
in
perplexity
.
At
last
he
said
,
"
In
the
jail
there
were
some
Party
men
.
They
talked
to
me
.
Everything
’
s
been
a
mess
,
all
my
life
.
Their
lives
weren
’
t
messes
.
They
were
working
toward
something
.
I
want
to
work
toward
something
.
I
feel
dead
.
I
thought
I
might
get
alive
again
.
"
Nilson
nodded
.
"
I
see
.
You
’
re
God
-
damn
right
I
see
.
How
long
did
you
go
to
school
?
"
"
Second
year
in
high
-
school
.
Then
I
went
to
work
.
"
"
But
you
talk
as
though
you
had
more
school
than
that
.
"
Jim
smiled
.
"
I
’
ve
read
a
lot
.
My
old
man
didn
’
t
want
me
to
read
.
He
said
I
’
d
desert
my
own
people
.
But
I
read
anyway
.
One
day
I
met
a
man
in
the
park
.
He
made
lists
of
things
for
me
to
read
.
Oh
,
I
’
ve
read
a
hell
of
a
lot
.
He
made
lists
like
Plato
’
s
Republic
,
and
the
Utopia
,
and
Bellamy
,
and
like
Herodotus
and
Gibbon
and
Macaulay
and
Carlyle
and
Prescott
,
and
like
Spinoza
and
Hegel
and
Kant
and
Nietzsche
and
Schopenhauer
.
He
even
made
me
read
Das
Kapital
.
2
He
was
a
crank
,
he
said
.
He
said
he
wanted
to
know
things
without
believing
them
.
He
liked
to
group
books
that
all
aimed
in
the
same
direction
.
"
Harry
Nilson
was
quiet
for
a
while
.
Then
he
said
,
"
You
see
why
we
have
to
be
so
careful
.
We
only
have
two
punishments
,
reprimand
and
expulsion
.
You
’
ve
got
to
want
to
belong
to
the
Party
pretty
badly
.
I
’
m
going
to
recommend
you
,
’
cause
I
think
you
’
re
a
good
man
;
you
might
get
voted
down
,
though
.
"
