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- Джон Фоулз
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Athens
was
dust
and
drought
,
ochre
and
drab
.
Even
the
palm
trees
looked
exhausted
;
all
the
humanity
in
human
beings
had
retreated
behind
dark
skins
and
even
darker
glasses
.
At
two
in
the
afternoon
city
and
citizens
gave
up
;
the
streets
were
empty
,
abandoned
to
indolence
and
heat
.
I
lay
slumped
behind
shutters
on
a
bed
in
the
Piraeus
hotel
,
and
dozed
fitfully
.
The
city
was
doubly
too
much
for
me
.
After
Bourani
,
the
descent
back
into
the
age
,
the
machinery
,
the
stress
,
was
completely
disorientating
.
The
afternoon
dragged
out
its
listless
hours
.
The
closer
I
came
to
meeting
Alison
,
the
more
muddle
-
motived
I
grew
.
I
knew
that
if
I
was
in
Athens
at
all
,
it
was
mainly
out
of
spite
.
Six
days
before
it
had
not
been
too
difficult
to
think
of
her
as
something
that
could
be
used
if
nothing
better
turned
up
;
but
two
hours
before
changed
my
meanness
into
guilt
.
In
any
case
,
I
no
longer
wanted
sex
with
her
.
It
was
unthinkable
—
not
because
of
her
,
but
because
of
Lily
.
I
wanted
neither
to
deceive
Alison
nor
to
get
involved
with
her
;
and
it
seemed
to
me
that
there
was
only
one
pretext
that
would
do
what
I
required
:
make
her
sorry
for
me
and
make
her
keep
at
arm
’
s
length
.
At
five
I
got
up
,
had
a
shower
,
and
caught
a
taxi
out
to
the
airport
.
I
sat
on
a
bench
opposite
the
long
reception
counter
,
then
moved
away
;
finding
,
to
my
irritation
,
that
I
was
increasingly
nervous
.
Several
other
air
hostesses
passed
quickly
—
hard
,
trim
,
professionally
pretty
,
mechanically
sexy
;
more
in
love
with
looking
attractive
than
being
it
.
Six
came
,
six
fifteen
.
I
goaded
myself
to
walk
up
to
the
counter
.
There
was
a
girl
there
in
the
tight
uniform
,
with
flashing
white
teeth
and
dark
brown
eyes
whose
innuendoes
seemed
put
on
with
the
rest
of
her
lavish
makeup
.
"
I
’
m
supposed
to
be
meeting
one
of
your
girls
.
Alison
Kelly
.
"
"
Allie
?
Her
flight
’
s
in
.
She
’
ll
be
changing
.
"
She
picked
up
a
telephone
,
dialed
a
number
,
gleamed
her
teeth
at
me
.
Her
accent
was
impeccable
;
and
American
.
"
Allie
?
Your
date
’
s
here
.
If
you
don
’
t
come
rightaway
he
’
s
taking
me
instead
.
"
She
held
out
the
receiver
.
"
She
wants
to
speak
to
you
.
"
"
Tell
her
I
’
ll
wait
.
Not
to
hurry
.
"
"
He
’
s
shy
.
"
Alison
must
have
said
something
,
because
the
girl
smiled
.
She
put
the
phone
down
.
"
She
’
ll
be
right
across
.
"
"
What
did
she
say
then
?
"
"
She
said
you
’
re
not
shy
,
it
’
s
just
your
technique
.
"
"
Oh
.
"
She
gave
me
what
was
meant
to
be
a
coolly
audacious
look
between
her
long
black
eyelashes
,
then
turned
to
deal
with
two
women
who
had
mercifully
appeared
at
the
other
end
of
her
section
of
the
counter
.
I
escaped
and
went
and
stood
near
the
entrance
.
When
I
had
first
lived
on
the
island
,
Athens
,
the
city
life
,
had
seemed
like
a
normalizing
influence
,
as
desirable
as
it
was
still
familiar
.
Now
I
realized
that
it
began
to
frighten
me
,
that
I
loathed
it
;
the
slick
exchange
at
the
desk
,
its
blatant
implications
of
sex
,
confracepted
excitement
,
the
next
stereotyped
thrill
.
I
came
from
another
planet
.
A
minute
or
two
later
Alison
appeared
through
the
door
.
Her
hair
was
short
,
too
short
,
she
was
wearing
a
white
dress
,
and
immediately
we
were
on
the
wrong
foot
,
because
I
knew
she
had
worn
it
to
remind
me
of
our
first
meeting
.
Her
skin
was
paler
than
I
remembered
.
She
took
off
her
dark
glasses
when
she
saw
me
and
I
could
see
she
was
tired
,
her
most
bruised
.
Pretty
enough
body
,
pretty
enough
clothes
,
a
good
walk
,
the
same
old
wounded
face
and
truth
-
seeking
eyes
.
Alison
might
launch
ten
ships
in
me
;
but
Lily
launched
a
thousand
.
She
came
and
stood
and
we
gave
each
other
a
little
smile
.
"
Hi
.
"
"
Hello
,
Alison
.
"
"
Sorry
.
Late
as
usual
.
"
She
spoke
as
if
we
had
last
met
the
week
before
.
But
it
didn
’
t
work
.
The
nine
months
stood
like
a
sieve
between
us
,
through
which
words
came
,
but
none
of
the
emotions
.
"
Shall
we
go
?
"
I
took
the
airline
bag
she
was
carrying
and
led
her
out
to
a
taxi
.
Inside
we
sat
in
opposite
corners
and
looked
at
each
other
again
.
She
smiled
.
"
I
thought
you
wouldn
’
t
come
.
"
"
I
didn
’
t
know
where
to
send
my
refusal
.
"
"
I
was
cunning
.
"
She
looked
out
of
the
window
,
waved
to
a
man
in
uniform
.
She
looked
older
to
me
,
overexperienced
by
travel
;
needing
to
be
known
all
over
again
,
and
I
hadn
’
t
the
energy
.
"
I
’
ve
got
you
a
room
overlooking
the
port
.
"
"
Fine
.
"
"
They
’
re
so
bloody
stuffy
in
Greek
hotels
.
You
know
.
"
"
Toujours
the
done
thing
.
"
She
gave
me
a
brief
ironic
look
from
her
gray
eyes
,
then
covered
up
.
"
It
’
s
fun
.
Vive
the
done
thing
.
"
I
nearly
made
my
prepared
speech
,
but
it
annoyed
me
that
she
assumed
I
hadn
’
t
changed
.
was
still
slave
to
English
convention
;
it
even
annoyed
me
that
she
felt
she
had
to
cover
up
.
"
Your
hair
.
"
"
You
don
’
t
like
it
.
"
"
Not
used
to
it
.
"
She
held
out
her
hand
and
I
took
it
and
we
pressed
fingers
.
Then
she
reached
out
and
took
off
my
dark
glasses
.
"
You
look
devastatingly
handsome
now
.
Do
you
know
that
?
You
’
re
so
brown
.
Dried
in
the
sun
,
sort
of
beginning
to
be
ravaged
.
Jesus
,
when
you
’
re
forty
.
"
I
remembered
Lily
’
s
prophecy
,
I
remembered
—
that
evening
I
never
forgot
—
Lily
.
I
smiled
,
but
I
looked
down
and
let
go
of
her
hand
to
get
a
cigarette
.
I
knew
what
her
flattery
meant
;
the
invitation
extended
.
"
Alison
,
I
’
m
in
a
sort
of
weird
situation
.
"
It
knocked
all
the
false
lightness
out
of
her
.
She
looked
straight
ahead
.
"
Another
girl
?
"
"
No
.
"
She
flashed
a
look
at
me
.
"
I
’
ve
changed
,
I
don
’
t
know
how
one
begins
to
explain
things
.
"
"
But
you
wish
to
God
I
’
d
kept
away
.
"
"
No
,
I
’
m
…
glad
you
’
ve
come
.
"
She
glanced
at
me
suspiciously
again
.
"
Really
.
"
She
was
silent
for
a
few
moments
.
We
moved
out
onto
the
coast
road
.
"
I
’
m
through
with
Pete
.
"
"
You
said
.
"
"
I
forgot
.
"
But
I
knew
she
hadn
’
t
.
"
Was
he
fed
up
?
"
"
And
I
’
ve
been
through
with
everyone
else
since
I
’
ve
been
through
with
him
.
"
She
kept
staring
out
of
the
window
.
"
Sorry
.
I
ought
to
have
started
with
the
small
talk
.
"
"
No
.
I
mean
…
you
know
.
"
She
slid
another
look
at
me
;
hurt
and
trying
not
to
be
hurt
.
She
made
an
effort
.
"
I
’
m
living
with
Ann
again
.
Only
since
last
week
.
Back
in
the
old
flat
.
Maggie
’
s
gone
home
.
"
"
I
liked
Ann
.
"
"
Yes
,
she
’
s
nice
.
"
There
was
a
long
silence
as
we
drove
down
past
Phaleron
.
She
stared
out
of
the
window
and
after
a
minute
reached
into
her
white
handbag
and
took
out
her
dark
glasses
.
I
knew
why
,
I
could
see
the
lines
of
wet
light
round
her
eyes
.
I
didn
’
t
touch
her
,
take
her
hand
,
but
I
talked
about
the
difference
between
the
Piraeus
and
Athens
,
how
the
former
was
more
picturesque
,
more
Greek
,
and
I
thought
she
’
d
like
it
better
.
I
had
really
chosen
the
Piraeus
because
of
the
small
,
but
horrifying
,
possibility
of
running
into
Conchis
and
Lily
.
The
thought
of
her
cool
,
amused
and
probably
contemptuous
eyes
if
such
a
thing
happened
sent
shivers
down
my
spine
.
There
was
something
about
Alison
’
s
manner
and
appearance
;
if
a
man
was
with
her
,
he
went
to
bed
with
her
.
And
as
I
talked
,
I
wondered
how
we
were
going
to
survive
the
next
three
days
.
I
tipped
the
boy
and
he
left
the
room
.
She
went
to
the
window
and
looked
down
across
the
broad
white
quay
,
the
slow
crowds
of
evening
strollers
,
the
busy
port
.
I
stood
behind
her
.
After
a
moment
’
s
swift
calculation
I
put
my
arm
around
her
and
at
once
she
leant
against
me
.
"
I
hate
cities
.
I
hate
airplanes
.
I
want
to
live
in
a
cottage
in
Ireland
.
"
"
Why
Ireland
?
"
"
Somewhere
I
’
ve
never
been
.
"
I
could
feel
the
warmth
,
the
willingness
to
surrender
,
of
her
body
.
At
any
moment
she
would
turn
her
face
and
I
would
have
to
kiss
her
.
"
Alison
,
I
…
don
’
t
quite
know
how
to
break
the
news
.
"
I
took
my
arm
away
,
and
stood
closer
to
the
window
,
so
that
she
could
not
see
my
face
.
"
I
caught
a
disease
two
or
three
months
ago
.
Well
…
syphilis
.
"
I
turned
and
she
gave
me
a
look
—
concern
and
shock
and
incredulity
.
"
I
’
m
all
right
now
,
but
…
you
know
.
I
can
’
t
possibly
…
"
"
You
went
to
a
…
"
I
nodded
.
The
incredulity
became
credulity
.
"
You
had
your
revenge
.
"
She
came
and
put
her
arms
round
me
.
"
Oh
Nicko
,
Nicko
.
"
I
said
over
her
head
,
"
I
’
m
not
meant
to
have
oral
or
closer
contact
for
at
least
another
month
.
I
didn
’
t
know
what
to
do
.
I
ought
never
to
have
written
.
This
was
never
really
on
.
"
She
let
go
of
me
and
went
and
sat
on
the
bed
.
I
saw
I
had
got
myself
into
a
new
corner
;
she
now
thought
that
this
satisfactorily
explained
our
awkwardness
till
then
.
She
gave
me
a
kind
,
gentle
little
smile
.
"
Tell
me
all
about
it
.
"
I
walked
round
and
round
the
room
,
telling
her
about
Patarescu
and
the
clinic
,
about
the
poetry
,
even
about
the
venture
at
suicide
,
about
everything
except
Bourani
.
After
a
while
she
lay
back
on
the
bed
,
smoking
,
and
I
was
unexpectedly
filled
with
a
pleasure
in
duplicity
,
with
that
pleasure
,
I
imagined
,
Conchis
felt
when
he
was
with
me
.
In
the
end
I
sat
on
the
end
of
bed
.
She
lay
staring
up
at
the
ceiling
.
"
Can
I
tell
you
about
Pete
now
?
"
"
Of
course
.
"
I
half
listened
,
playing
my
part
,
and
suddenly
began
to
enjoy
being
with
her
again
;
not
particularly
with
Alison
,
but
being
in
this
hotel
bedroom
,
hearing
the
murmur
of
the
evening
crowds
below
,
the
sound
of
sirens
,
the
smell
of
the
tired
Aegean
.
I
felt
no
attraction
and
no
tenderness
for
her
;
no
real
interest
in
the
stormy
break
-
up
of
her
long
relationship
with
the
boor
of
an
Australian
pilot
;
simply
the
complex
,
ambiguous
sadness
of
the
darkening
room
.
The
light
had
drained
out
of
the
sky
,
it
became
rapid
dusk
.
All
the
treacheries
of
modern
love
seemed
beautiful
,
and
I
had
my
great
secret
,
safe
,
locked
away
.
It
was
Greece
again
,
the
Alexandrian
Greece
of
Cavafy
:
there
were
only
degrees
of
aesthetic
pleasure
;
of
beauty
in
decadence
.
Morality
was
a
North
European
lie
.
There
was
a
long
silence
.
She
said
,
"
Where
are
we
,
Nicko
?
"
"
How
do
you
mean
?
"
She
was
leaning
on
her
elbow
,
staring
at
me
,
but
I
wouldn
’
t
look
round
at
her
.
"
Now
I
know
—
of
course
…
"
She
shrugged
.
"
But
I
didn
’
t
come
to
be
your
old
chum
.
"
I
put
my
head
in
my
hands
.
"
Alison
,
I
’
m
sick
of
women
,
sick
of
love
,
sick
of
sex
,
sick
of
everything
.
I
don
’
t
know
what
I
want
.
I
should
never
have
asked
you
to
come
.
"
She
looked
down
,
seemingly
tacitly
to
agree
.
"
The
fact
is
…
well
,
I
suppose
I
have
a
sort
of
nostalgia
for
a
sister
at
the
moment
.
If
you
say
fuck
that
—
I
understand
.
I
have
no
right
not
to
understand
.
"
"
All
right
.
"
She
looked
up
again
.
"
Sister
.
But
one
day
you
’
ll
be
cured
.
"
"
I
don
’
t
know
.
I
just
don
’
t
know
.
"
I
looked
suitably
distraught
.
"
Look
—
please
go
away
,
curse
me
,
anything
,
but
I
’
m
a
dead
man
at
the
moment
.
"
I
went
to
the
window
.
"
It
’
s
all
my
fault
.
I
can
’
t
ask
you
to
spend
three
days
with
a
dead
man
.
"
"
A
dead
man
I
once
loved
.
"
A
long
silence
crept
between
us
.
But
then
she
briskly
sat
up
and
got
off
the
bed
;
went
and
switched
on
the
light
and
combed
her
hair
.
She
produced
the
jet
earrings
I
had
left
that
last
day
in
London
and
put
them
on
;
then
lipstick
.
I
thought
of
Lily
,
of
lips
without
lipstick
;
coolness
,
mystery
,
elegance
.
It
seemed
almost
marvelous
,
to
be
so
without
desire
;
at
last
in
my
life
,
to
be
able
to
be
so
faithful
.
By
an
unhappy
irony
the
way
to
the
restaurant
I
took
her
to
lay
through
the
redlight
area
of
the
Piraeus
.
Bars
,
multilingual
neon
signs
,
photos
of
strippers
and
belly
dancers
,
sailors
in
lounging
groups
,
glimpses
through
bead
curtains
of
Lautrec
-
like
interiors
,
women
in
lines
along
the
padded
benches
.
The
streets
were
thronged
with
pimps
and
tarts
,
barrowboys
selling
pistachios
and
sunflower
pips
,
chestnut
sellers
,
pasty
sellers
,
lottery
-
ticket
hawkers
.
Doormen
invited
us
in
,
men
slid
up
with
wallets
of
watches
,
packets
of
Lucky
Strikes
and
Camels
,
shoddy
souvenirs
.
And
every
ten
yards
someone
whistled
at
Alison
.
We
walked
in
silence
.
I
had
a
vision
of
Lily
walking
through
that
street
,
and
silencing
everything
,
purifying
everything
;
not
provoking
and
adding
to
the
vulgarity
.
Alison
had
a
set
face
,
and
we
started
to
walk
quickly
to
get
out
of
the
place
;
but
I
thought
I
could
see
in
her
walk
a
touch
of
that
old
amoral
sexuality
,
that
quality
she
could
not
help
offering
and
other
men
,
noticing
.
Yet
I
had
chosen
the
Piraeus
;
and
I
even
chose
that
road
to
the
restaurant
.
When
we
got
to
Spiro
’
s
,
she
said
,
too
brightly
.
"
Well
,
brother
Nicholas
,
what
are
you
going
to
do
with
me
?
"
’
do
you
want
to
call
it
off
?
"
She
twirled
her
glass
of
ouzo
.
"
Do
you
?
"
"
I
asked
first
.
"
"
No
.
Now
you
.
"
"
We
could
do
something
.
Go
somewhere
you
haven
’
t
seen
.
"
To
my
relief
she
’
d
already
told
me
that
she
had
spent
a
day
in
Athens
earlier
that
summer
;
had
done
the
sights
.
"
I
don
’
t
want
to
do
a
tourist
thing
.
Think
of
something
no
one
else
ever
does
.
Somewhere
we
shall
be
fairly
alone
.
"
She
added
quickly
,
"
Because
of
my
job
.
I
hate
people
.
"
"
How
’
s
your
walking
?
"
"
I
’
d
love
to
.
Where
?
"
"
Well
,
there
’
s
Parnassus
.
Apparently
it
’
s
a
very
easy
climb
.
Just
a
long
walk
.
We
could
hire
a
car
.
Go
on
to
Delphi
afterwards
.
"
"
Parnassus
?
"
She
frowned
,
unable
to
quite
place
it
.
"
Where
the
muses
dash
about
.
The
mountain
.
"
"
Oh
,
Nicholas
!
"
A
flash
of
her
old
self
;
the
headlong
willingness
to
go
.
Our
barbounia
came
and
we
started
eating
.
She
suddenly
became
overvivacious
,
overexcited
by
the
idea
of
climbing
Parnassus
,
and
she
drank
glass
for
glass
of
retsina
with
me
;
did
everything
that
Lily
would
never
have
done
;
then
called
,
in
her
characteristic
way
,
her
own
bluff
.
"
I
know
I
’
m
trying
too
hard
.
But
you
make
me
like
that
.
"
"
If
—
"
"
Nicko
.
"
"
Alison
,
if
only
you
—
"
"
Nicko
,
listen
.
Last
week
I
was
in
my
old
room
in
the
flat
.
The
first
night
.
And
I
could
hear
footsteps
.
Upstairs
.
And
I
cried
.
Just
as
I
cried
in
the
taxi
today
.
Just
as
I
could
cry
now
but
I
’
m
not
going
to
.
"
She
smiled
,
a
little
twisted
smile
.
"
I
could
even
cry
because
we
keep
using
each
other
’
s
names
.
"
"
Shouldn
’
t
we
?
"
"
We
never
did
.
We
were
so
close
we
didn
’
t
have
to
.
But
what
I
’
m
trying
to
say
is
…
all
right
.
But
please
be
kind
to
me
.
Don
’
t
always
sit
so
in
judgment
on
everything
I
say
,
everything
I
do
.
"
She
stared
at
me
and
forced
me
to
look
her
in
the
eyes
.
"
I
can
’
t
help
being
what
I
am
.
"
I
nodded
,
looked
sorry
and
touched
her
hand
to
mollify
her
The
one
thing
I
did
not
want
was
a
row
;
emotion
,
the
past
,
this
eternal
reattachment
to
the
past
.
After
a
moment
she
bit
her
mouth
and
the
small
grins
we
exchanged
then
were
the
first
honest
looks
since
we
had
met
.
I
said
good
night
to
her
outside
her
room
.
She
kissed
me
on
the
cheek
,
and
I
pressed
her
shoulders
as
if
,
really
,
it
was
a
far
,
far
better
thing
that
I
did
then
than
woman
could
easily
imagine
.
