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We
both
smiled
,
and
we
both
knew
we
smiled
to
hide
a
fundamental
truth
:
that
we
could
not
trust
each
other
one
inch
.
"
I
wish
to
say
two
final
things
,
Nicholas
.
Whether
you
believe
what
I
have
said
is
comparatively
unimportant
.
But
you
must
believe
one
thing
.
Lily
is
susceptible
and
very
dangerous
—
both
things
without
realizing
it
herself
.
Like
a
very
fine
blade
,
she
can
easily
be
hurt
—
but
she
can
also
hurt
.
She
can
hurt
you
,
as
I
know
to
my
cost
,
because
she
can
deceive
you
again
and
again
,
if
you
are
foolish
enough
to
let
her
.
We
have
all
had
to
learn
to
remain
completely
detached
emotionally
from
her
.
Because
it
is
on
our
emotions
that
she
will
prey
—
if
we
give
her
the
chance
.
"
I
remained
staring
at
the
edge
of
the
tablecloth
.
"
And
the
second
thing
?
"
"
Now
we
have
had
this
little
talk
,
please
let
us
agree
to
continue
as
if
we
had
not
had
it
.
I
will
behave
as
if
I
had
not
told
you
the
secret
.
And
I
want
you
to
do
the
same
.
"
"
All
right
.
"
He
stood
up
and
held
out
his
hand
,
which
I
shook
.
"
Now
.
Do
you
feel
like
some
hard
work
?
"
"
No
.
But
lead
me
to
it
.
"
He
took
me
to
one
of
the
corners
of
the
vegetable
garden
.
Part
of
the
supporting
wall
had
collapsed
,
and
he
wanted
it
built
up
again
,
under
his
supervision
.
I
had
to
break
the
dry
earth
with
a
pickaxe
,
shovel
it
back
,
lift
the
heavy
stones
,
arrange
them
as
he
directed
,
packing
them
with
earth
,
which
he
watered
,
his
sole
contribution
apart
from
giving
orders
,
to
bind
the
wall
together
again
.
The
wind
kept
blowing
and
it
was
cooler
than
usual
;
but
I
was
soon
sweating
like
a
pig
.
I
knew
the
wall
must
have
collapsed
sometime
back
,
and
I
thought
it
peculiar
that
a
man
as
rich
as
Conchis
could
not
afford
a
few
drachmas
to
hire
a
man
from
the
village
to
do
it
for
him
.
I
guessed
the
real
reason
:
I
had
to
be
kept
busy
,
out
of
the
way
.
All
the
time
since
leaving
Lily
I
had
listened
for
the
sound
of
the
boat
,
or
a
boat
.
But
there
had
been
none
.
I
hadn
’
t
forgotten
that
I
was
going
to
communicate
with
other
worlds
that
evening
;
a
really
complicated
episode
in
the
masque
was
no
doubt
to
be
mounted
.
That
was
why
I
was
being
kept
so
occupied
.
And
all
the
time
,
too
,
I
had
Alison
’
s
telegram
in
my
hip
-
pocket
;
but
the
one
thing
I
longed
for
was
to
hear
from
him
that
I
was
after
all
to
be
his
guest
over
halfterm
.
I
gave
myself
a
break
to
have
a
cigarette
.
Conchis
,
in
dark
blue
jumper
and
shorts
,
looked
sardonically
down
at
me
,
hand
on
hips
.
"
Labor
is
man
’
s
crowning
glory
.
"
"
Not
this
man
’
s
.
"
"
I
quote
Marx
.
"
I
raised
my
hands
.
The
pickaxe
handle
had
been
rough
.
"
I
quote
blisters
.
"
"
Never
mind
.
You
have
earned
your
passage
.
"
"
Tonight
?
"
"
Tonight
.
"
He
remained
staring
down
at
me
,
as
if
I
amused
him
;
as
clowns
amuse
philosophers
;
but
also
a
little
as
if
he
felt
kinder
towards
me
.
"
Your
telegram
was
opened
when
it
arrived
.
I
read
it
.
This
is
…
?
"
I
nodded
curtly
.
"
I
shan
’
t
go
.
"
"
Of
course
you
will
go
.
"
"
I
don
’
t
want
to
meet
her
any
more
.
It
was
only
loneliness
before
.
"
He
stared
down
at
me
.
I
was
sitting
against
a
pine
trunk
.
"
I
shall
be
away
next
weekend
.
We
shall
all
be
away
.
Otherwise
I
should
have
been
very
happy
to
invite
you
both
.
"
In
spite
of
being
warned
,
I
felt
a
shock
of
disappointment
,
which
I
tried
to
hide
.
"
It
doesn
’
t
matter
.
"
"
But
if
all
goes
well
,
we
shall
be
here
the
week
after
.
"
"
In
need
of
a
seeker
?
"
"
In
need
of
a
seeker
.
"
He
contemplated
me
;
reverted
tacitly
to
Alison
.
"
A
woman
is
like
a
keel
.
"
"
There
are
keels
and
keels
.
"
"
What
you
told
me
of
her
sounded
very
admirable
.
Very
much
what
you
should
have
.
What
you
need
.
"
I
saw
that
I
had
been
neatly
trapped
into
not
asking
him
why
in
that
case
he
had
set
Lily
as
bait
for
me
.
It
could
always
be
dismissed
as
persecution
mania
.
"
It
’
s
really
my
business
,
Mr
.
Conchis
.
My
decision
.
"
"
Of
course
.
You
are
quite
right
.
Please
.
"
He
went
briskly
away
to
get
some
more
water
,
and
when
he
came
back
I
had
set
to
again
,
expending
on
the
job
my
sullen
annoyance
at
not
being
invited
.
Half
an
hour
later
the
wall
was
back
to
something
like
its
proper
shape
.
I
carried
the
tools
to
a
shed
beside
the
cottage
and
we
went
back
round
the
front
of
the
house
.
Conchis
said
he
was
going
down
to
check
that
the
boat
was
securely
moored
;
I
would
no
doubt
want
to
wash
.
"
Let
me
.
"
"
Very
well
.
Thank
you
.
"
I
started
off
,
wishing
I
’
d
kept
my
mouth
shut
,
when
he
said
my
name
.
I
turned
,
and
he
came
up
to
me
across
the
gravel
.
He
gave
me
a
powerful
yet
oddly
paternal
look
.
"
Go
to
Athens
,
Nicholas
.
"
He
glanced
towards
the
trees
to
the
east
.
"
Guai
a
chi
la
tocca
.
"
I
had
very
little
Italian
,
but
I
knew
what
he
meant
He
moved
away
before
I
could
answer
;
and
in
an
odd
way
I
knew
he
was
saying
that
she
was
not
for
me
because
she
was
not
for
me
;
not
because
she
was
a
schizophrenic
,
or
a
ghost
,
or
anything
else
in
the
masque
.
It
was
a
sort
of
ultimate
warning
-
off
;
but
you
can
’
t
warn
off
a
man
with
gambling
in
his
ancestry
.
I
went
down
to
the
jetty
.
The
boat
was
already
tied
very
carefully
and
securely
;
and
he
had
had
ten
minutes
with
Lily
,
I
supposed
,
to
find
out
exactly
what
had
gone
on
between
us
.
Lily
did
not
appear
before
dinner
,
or
after
dinner
;
and
I
became
increasingly
impatient
.
Tense
would
be
a
better
word
.
I
was
tense
in
expectation
of
a
new
"
episode
,
"
I
was
tense
in
expectation
of
Lily
’
s
taking
part
in
it
,
and
I
was
tense
in
expectation
of
the
difficulties
Conchis
was
putting
in
the
way
of
my
meeting
her
again
.
I
realized
that
he
had
so
maneuvered
me
that
I
could
not
risk
offending
him
again
about
the
real
machinery
behind
the
"
visitors
"
or
about
Lily
.
The
dinner
was
,
for
me
,
uneasily
silent
.
The
breeze
made
the
lamp
tremble
and
glow
and
fade
intermittently
,
and
this
seemed
to
increase
the
general
restlessness
.
Only
Conchis
seemed
calm
and
at
ease
.
After
the
meal
had
been
cleared
he
poured
me
a
drink
from
a
small
carboy
-
shaped
bottle
.
It
was
clear
,
the
color
of
straw
.
"
What
’
s
this
?
"
"
Raki
.
From
Chios
.
It
is
very
strong
.
I
want
to
intoxicate
you
a
little
.
"
All
through
the
dinner
he
had
also
been
pressing
me
to
drink
more
of
the
heavy
rosé
from
Antikythera
.
"
To
make
me
talk
?
"
"
To
make
you
receptive
.
"
"
I
read
your
pamphlet
.
"
"
And
thought
it
was
nonsense
.
"
"
No
.
Difficult
to
verify
.
"
"
Verification
is
the
only
scientific
criterion
of
reality
.
That
does
not
mean
that
there
may
not
be
realities
that
are
unverifiable
.
"
"
Did
you
get
any
response
from
your
pamphlet
?
"
"
A
great
deal
.
From
the
wrong
people
.
From
the
miserable
vultures
who
prey
on
the
human
longing
for
the
solution
of
final
mysteries
.
The
spiritualists
,
the
clairvoyants
,
the
cosmopaths
,
the
summerlanders
,
the
blue
-
islanders
,
the
apportists
—
all
that
galêre
.
"
He
looked
grim
.
"
They
responded
.
"
"
But
not
other
scientists
?
"
"
No
.
"
I
sipped
the
raki
;
it
was
like
fire
.
Almost
pure
alcohol
.
"
But
you
spoke
about
having
proof
.
"
"
I
had
proof
.
But
it
was
not
easily
communicable
.
And
I
later
decided
that
it
was
better
that
it
was
not
communicable
,
except
to
a
few
.
"
"
Who
you
elect
.
"
"
Whom
I
elect
.
This
is
because
mystery
has
energy
.
It
pours
energy
into
whoever
seeks
the
answer
to
it
.
If
you
disclose
the
solution
to
the
mystery
you
are
simply
depriving
the
other
seekers
…
"
he
emphasized
the
special
meaning
the
word
now
had
for
me
…
"
of
an
important
source
of
energy
.
"
"
No
scientific
progress
?
"
"
Of
course
scientific
progress
.
The
solution
of
the
physical
problems
that
face
man
—
that
is
a
matter
of
technology
.
But
I
am
talking
about
the
general
psychological
health
of
the
species
,
man
.
He
needs
the
existence
of
mysteries
.
Not
their
solution
.
"
I
finished
the
raki
.
"
This
is
fantastic
stuff
.
"
He
smiled
,
as
if
my
adjective
might
be
more
accurate
than
I
meant
;
raised
the
bottle
.
I
nodded
.
"
One
more
glass
.
Then
no
more
.
La
dive
bouteille
is
also
a
poison
.
"
"
And
the
experiment
begins
?
"
"
The
experience
begins
.
Now
I
should
like
you
to
lie
in
one
of
the
lounging
chairs
.
Just
here
.
"
He
pointed
behind
him
.
I
went
and
pulled
the
chair
there
.
"
Lie
down
.
There
is
no
hurry
.
I
want
you
to
look
at
a
certain
star
.
Do
you
know
Cygnus
?
The
Swan
?
That
crossshaped
constellation
directly
above
?
"
I
realized
that
he
was
not
going
to
take
the
other
chaise
longue
;
and
suddenly
guessed
.
"
Is
this
…
hypnosis
?
"
"
Yes
,
Nicholas
.
There
is
no
need
to
be
alarmed
.
"
Lily
’
s
warning
:
Tonight
you
will
understand
.
I
hesitated
,
then
lay
back
.
"
I
’
m
not
.
But
I
don
’
t
think
I
’
m
very
amenable
.
Someone
tried
it
at
Oxford
.
"
"
We
shall
see
.
It
is
a
harmony
of
wills
.
Not
a
contest
.
Just
do
as
I
suggest
.
"
"
All
right
.
"
At
least
I
did
not
have
to
stare
into
those
naturally
mesmeric
eyes
.
I
could
not
back
down
;
but
forewarned
is
forearmed
.
"
You
see
the
Swan
?
"
"
Yes
.
"
"
And
to
the
left
a
very
bright
star
,
one
of
a
very
obtuse
triangle
.
"
"
Yes
.
"
I
drained
down
the
last
of
the
raki
in
a
gulp
;
almost
choked
,
then
felt
it
flush
through
my
stomach
.
"
That
is
a
star
known
as
alpha
Lyrae
.
In
a
minute
I
shall
ask
you
to
watch
it
closely
.
"
The
blue
-
white
star
glittered
down
out
of
the
wind
-
cleared
sky
.
I
looked
at
Conchis
,
who
was
still
sitting
at
the
table
,
but
had
turned
with
his
back
to
the
sea
to
face
me
.
I
grinned
in
the
darkness
.
"
I
feel
I
’
m
on
the
couch
.
"
"
Good
.
Now
lie
back
.
Contract
,
then
relax
your
muscles
a
little
.
That
is
why
I
have
given
you
the
raki
.
It
will
help
.
Lily
will
not
appear
tonight
.
So
clear
your
mind
of
her
.
Clear
your
mind
of
the
other
girl
.
Clear
your
mind
of
all
your
perplexities
,
all
your
longings
.
All
your
worries
.
I
bring
you
no
harm
.
Nothing
but
good
.
"
"
Worries
.
That
’
s
not
so
easy
.
"
He
was
silent
.
"
I
’
ll
try
.
"
"
It
will
help
if
you
look
at
that
star
.
Do
not
shift
your
eyes
from
it
.
Lie
back
.
"
I
began
to
stare
at
the
star
;
moved
a
little
to
make
myself
more
comfortable
.
I
felt
the
cloth
of
my
coat
with
my
hand
.
The
digging
had
made
me
tired
,
I
began
to
guess
its
real
purpose
,
and
it
was
good
to
lie
back
and
stare
up
and
wait
.
There
was
a
long
silence
,
several
minutes
.
I
shut
my
eyes
for
a
while
,
then
opened
them
.
The
star
seemed
to
float
in
its
own
small
sea
of
space
,
a
minute
white
sun
.
I
could
feel
the
alcohol
,
but
I
was
perfectly
conscious
of
everything
around
me
,
far
too
conscious
to
be
amenable
.
I
was
perfectly
conscious
of
the
terrace
,
I
was
lying
on
the
terrace
of
a
house
on
an
island
in
Greece
,
there
was
wind
,
I
could
even
hear
the
faint
sound
of
the
waves
on
the
shingle
down
at
Moutsa
.
Conchis
began
to
speak
.
"
Now
I
want
you
to
watch
the
star
,
I
want
you
to
relax
all
your
muscles
.
It
is
very
important
that
you
should
relax
all
your
muscles
.
Tense
a
little
.
Now
relax
.
Tense
…
relax
.
Now
watch
the
star
.
The
name
of
.
the
star
is
alpha
Lyrae
.
"
I
thought
,
my
God
,
he
is
trying
to
hypnotize
me
;
and
then
,
I
must
play
by
the
rules
,
but
I
’
ll
lie
doggo
and
pretend
I
am
hypnotized
.
"
Are
you
relaxing
yes
you
are
relaxing
.
"
I
noted
the
lack
of
punctuation
.
"
You
are
tired
so
you
are
relaxing
.
You
are
relaxing
.
You
are
relaxing
.
You
are
watching
a
star
you
are
watching
…
"
the
repetition
.
I
remembered
that
from
before
.
An
insane
Welshman
from
Jesus
,
after
a
party
.
But
with
him
it
had
developed
into
a
staring
game
.
"
I
say
you
are
watching
a
star
a
star
and
you
are
watching
a
star
.
It
is
that
gentle
star
,
white
star
,
gentle
star
…
"
He
went
on
talking
,
but
all
the
curtness
,
the
abruptness
of
his
ordinary
manner
had
disappeared
.
It
was
as
if
the
lulling
sound
of
the
sea
,
the
feel
of
the
wind
,
the
texture
of
my
coat
,
and
his
voice
dropped
out
of
my
consciousness
.
There
was
a
stage
when
I
was
myself
,
looking
at
the
star
,
still
lying
on
the
terrace
;
I
mean
aware
of
lying
and
watching
the
star
,
if
not
of
anything
else
.
Then
came
a
strange
illusion
;
not
that
I
was
looking
up
,
but
down
into
space
,
as
one
looks
down
a
well
.
Then
there
was
no
clearly
situated
and
environmented
self
;
there
was
the
star
,
not
closer
but
with
something
of
the
isolation
a
telescope
gives
;
not
one
of
a
pattern
of
stars
,
but
itself
,
floating
in
the
blue
-
black
breath
of
space
,
in
a
kind
of
void
.
I
remember
very
clearly
this
sense
,
this
completely
new
strange
perceiving
of
the
star
as
a
ball
of
white
light
both
breeding
and
needing
the
void
around
it
;
of
,
in
retrospect
,
a
related
sense
that
I
was
exactly
the
same
,
suspended
in
a
dark
void
.
I
was
watching
the
star
and
the
star
was
watching
me
.
We
were
poised
,
exactly
equal
weights
,
if
one
can
think
of
awareness
as
a
weight
,
held
level
in
a
balance
.
This
seemed
to
endure
and
endure
,
I
don
’
t
know
how
long
,
two
entities
equally
suspended
in
a
void
,
equally
opposite
,
devoid
of
any
meaning
or
feeling
.
There
was
no
sensation
of
beauty
,
of
morality
,
of
divinity
,
of
physical
geometry
;
simply
the
sensation
of
the
situation
.
As
an
animal
might
feel
.
Then
a
rise
of
tension
.
I
was
expecting
something
.
The
waiting
was
a
waiting
for
.
I
did
not
know
if
it
would
be
audible
or
visible
,
which
sense
.
But
it
was
trying
to
come
,
and
I
was
trying
to
discover
its
coming
.
There
seemed
to
be
no
more
star
.
Perhaps
he
had
made
me
close
my
eyes
.
The
void
was
all
.
I
remember
two
words
,
Conchis
must
have
spoken
them
:
glisten
,
and
listen
.
There
was
the
glistening
,
listening
void
;
darkness
and
expectation
.
Then
there
came
a
wind
on
my
face
,
a
perfectly
physical
sensation
.
I
tried
to
face
it
,
it
was
fresh
and
warm
,
but
I
suddenly
realized
,
with
an
excited
shock
,
not
at
anything
but
the
physical
strangeness
of
it
,
that
it
was
blowing
on
me
from
all
directions
at
the
same
time
.
I
raised
my
hand
,
I
could
feel
it
.
The
dark
wind
,
like
draft
from
thousands
of
invisible
fans
,
blowing
in
on
me
.
And
again
this
seemed
to
last
for
a
long
time
.
At
some
point
it
began
imperceptibly
to
change
.
The
wind
became
light
.
I
don
’
t
think
there
was
any
visual
awareness
of
this
,
it
was
simply
that
I
knew
the
wind
had
become
light
(
perhaps
Conchis
had
told
me
the
wind
was
light
)
and
this
light
was
intensely
pleasing
,
a
kind
of
mental
sunbathing
after
a
long
dark
winter
,
an
exquisitely
agreeable
sensation
both
of
being
aware
of
light
and
attracting
it
.
Of
having
power
to
attract
and
power
to
receive
this
light
.
From
this
stage
I
moved
to
one
where
it
dawned
on
me
that
this
was
something
intensely
true
and
revealing
;
this
being
something
that
drew
all
this
light
upon
it
.
I
mean
it
seemed
to
reveal
something
deeply
significant
about
being
;
I
was
aware
of
existing
,
and
this
being
aware
of
existing
became
more
significant
than
the
light
,
just
as
the
light
had
become
more
significant
than
the
wind
.
