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41
"
Well
,
we
understand
they
did
appoint
another
man
42
Not
through
us
.
But
there
s
been
some
awful
mess
-
up
.
"
I
looked
again
at
the
information
sheet
.
"
We
haven
t
actually
recruited
for
them
before
.
We
re
only
doing
it
out
of
courtesy
now
,
as
a
matter
of
fact
.
"
She
gave
me
a
patient
smile
;
her
front
teeth
were
much
too
big
.
I
asked
,
in
my
best
Oxford
voice
,
if
I
might
take
her
out
to
lunch
.
43
When
I
got
home
,
I
filled
in
the
form
she
had
brought
to
the
restaurant
,
and
went
straight
out
and
posted
it
.
That
same
evening
,
by
a
curious
neatness
of
fate
,
I
met
Alison
.
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44
I
suppose
I
d
had
a
good
deal
of
sex
for
my
age
;
at
any
rate
,
devoted
a
good
deal
to
it
.
Girls
,
or
a
certain
kind
of
girl
,
liked
me
;
I
had
a
car
not
so
common
among
undergraduates
in
those
days
and
I
had
some
money
.
I
wasn
t
ugly
;
and
even
more
important
,
I
had
my
loneliness
,
which
,
as
every
cad
knows
,
is
a
deadly
weapon
with
women
.
My
"
technique
"
was
to
make
a
show
of
unpredictability
,
cynicism
and
indifference
.
Then
,
like
a
conjurer
with
his
white
rabbit
,
I
produced
the
solitary
heart
.
45
I
didn
t
collect
conquests
;
but
by
the
time
I
left
Oxford
I
was
a
dozen
girls
away
from
virginity
.
I
found
my
sexual
success
and
the
apparently
ephemeral
nature
of
love
equally
pleasing
.
It
was
like
being
good
at
golf
,
but
despising
the
game
.
One
was
covered
all
round
,
both
when
one
played
and
when
one
didn
t
.
I
contrived
most
of
my
affaires
in
the
vacations
,
away
from
Oxford
,
since
the
new
term
meant
that
I
could
conveniently
leave
the
scene
of
the
crime
.
There
were
sometimes
a
few
tedious
weeks
of
letters
,
but
I
soon
put
the
solitary
heart
away
,
"
assumed
responsibility
with
my
total
being
"
and
showed
the
Chesterfieldian
mask
instead
.
I
became
as
neat
at
ending
liaisons
as
at
starting
them
.
46
This
sounds
,
and
was
,
calculating
,
but
it
was
caused
less
by
a
true
coldness
than
by
my
dandyish
belief
in
the
importance
of
the
life
style
.
I
mistook
the
feeling
of
relief
that
dropping
a
girl
always
brought
for
a
love
of
freedom
.
47
Perhaps
the
one
thing
in
my
favor
was
that
I
lied
very
little
;
I
was
always
careful
to
make
sure
that
the
current
victim
knew
,
before
she
took
her
clothes
off
,
the
difference
between
coupling
and
marrying
.
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48
But
then
in
S
things
became
complicated
.
I
started
to
take
the
daughter
of
one
of
the
older
masters
out
.
She
was
pretty
in
a
stock
English
way
,
as
province
-
hating
as
myself
,
and
she
seemed
rather
passionate
,
but
I
belatedly
realized
she
was
passionate
for
a
purpose
.
I
was
to
marry
her
.
I
began
to
be
sick
of
the
way
a
mere
bodily
need
threatened
to
distort
my
life
.
There
were
even
one
or
two
evenings
when
I
felt
myself
near
surrendering
to
Janet
,
a
fundamentally
silly
girl
I
knew
I
didn
t
love
and
would
never
love
.
Our
parting
scene
,
an
infinitely
sour
all
-
night
of
nagging
and
weeping
in
the
car
beside
the
July
sea
,
haunted
me
.
Fortunately
I
knew
,
and
she
knew
I
knew
,
that
she
was
not
pregnant
.
I
came
to
London
with
the
firm
determination
to
stay
away
from
women
for
a
while
.
49
The
Russell
Square
flat
below
the
one
I
had
rented
had
been
empty
through
most
of
August
.
But
then
one
Sunday
I
heard
movements
,
doors
slammed
,
and
there
was
music
.
I
passed
a
couple
of
uninteresting
-
looking
girls
on
the
stairs
on
the
Monday
;
heard
them
talking
,
all
their
short
a
s
flattened
into
ugly
short
a
s
,
as
I
went
on
down
.
They
were
Australians
.
Then
came
the
evening
of
the
day
I
had
lunch
with
Miss
Spencer
-
Haigh
;
a
Friday
.
50
About
six
,
there
was
a
knock
on
the
door
,
and
the
stockier
of
the
two
girls
I
had
seen
was
standing
there
.