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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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- Стр. 244/299
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But
I
even
find
it
frightening
that
he
didn
’
t
do
anything
.
What
is
he
?
There
is
a
great
rift
between
us
now
.
It
can
never
be
bridged
.
He
says
now
he
will
release
me
in
another
four
weeks
.
Just
talk
.
I
don
’
t
believe
him
.
So
I
’
ve
warned
him
I
’
m
going
to
try
to
kill
him
.
I
would
now
.
I
wouldn
’
t
think
twice
about
it
.
I
’
ve
seen
how
wrong
I
was
before
.
How
blind
.
I
prostituted
myself
to
Caliban
.
I
mean
,
I
let
him
spend
all
that
money
on
me
,
and
although
I
told
myself
it
was
fair
,
it
wasn
’
t
.
Because
I
felt
vaguely
grateful
,
I
’
ve
been
nice
to
him
.
Even
my
teasing
was
nice
,
even
my
sneering
and
spitting
at
him
.
Even
my
breaking
things
.
Because
it
takes
notice
of
him
.
And
my
attitude
should
have
been
what
it
will
be
from
now
on
—
ice
.
Freeze
him
to
death
.
He
is
absolutely
inferior
to
me
in
all
ways
.
His
one
superiority
is
his
ability
to
keep
me
here
.
That
’
s
the
only
power
he
has
.
He
can
’
t
behave
or
think
or
speak
or
do
anything
else
better
than
I
can
—
nearly
as
well
as
I
can
—
so
he
’
s
going
to
be
the
Old
Man
of
the
Sea
until
I
shake
him
off
somehow
.
It
will
have
to
be
by
force
.
I
’
ve
been
sitting
here
and
thinking
about
God
.
I
don
’
t
think
I
believe
in
God
any
more
.
It
is
not
only
me
,
I
think
of
all
the
millions
who
must
have
lived
like
this
in
the
war
.
The
Anne
Franks
.
And
back
through
history
.
What
I
feel
I
know
now
is
that
God
doesn
’
t
intervene
.
He
lets
us
suffer
.
If
you
pray
for
liberty
then
you
may
get
relief
just
because
you
pray
,
or
because
things
happen
anyhow
which
bring
you
liberty
.
But
God
can
’
t
hear
.
There
’
s
nothing
human
like
hearing
or
seeing
or
pitying
or
helping
about
him
.
I
mean
perhaps
God
has
created
the
world
and
the
fundamental
laws
of
matter
and
evolution
.
But
he
can
’
t
care
about
the
individuals
.
He
’
s
planned
it
so
some
individuals
are
happy
,
some
sad
,
some
lucky
,
some
not
.
Who
is
sad
,
who
is
not
,
he
doesn
’
t
know
,
and
he
doesn
’
t
care
.
So
he
doesn
’
t
exist
,
really
.
