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We
ve
been
playing
the
records
he
bought
.
Bartok
s
Music
for
Percussion
and
Celesta
.
The
loveliest
.
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It
made
me
think
of
Collioure
last
summer
.
The
day
we
went
,
all
four
of
us
with
the
French
students
,
up
through
the
ilexes
to
the
tower
.
The
ilexes
.
An
absolutely
new
colour
,
amazing
chestnut
,
rufous
,
burning
,
bleeding
,
where
they
had
cut
away
the
cork
.
The
cicadas
.
The
wild
azure
sea
through
the
stems
and
the
heat
and
the
smell
of
everything
burnt
in
it
.
Piers
and
I
and
everyone
except
Minny
got
a
bit
tipsy
.
Sleeping
in
the
shade
,
waking
up
staring
through
the
leaves
at
the
cobalt
blue
sky
,
thinking
how
impossible
things
were
to
paint
,
how
can
some
blue
pigment
ever
mean
the
living
blue
light
of
the
sky
.
I
suddenly
felt
I
didn
t
want
to
paint
,
painting
was
just
showing
off
,
the
thing
was
to
experience
and
experience
for
ever
more
.
The
beautiful
clean
sun
on
the
blood
-
red
stems
.
And
coming
back
I
had
a
long
talk
with
the
nice
shy
boy
,
Jean
-
Louis
.
His
bad
English
and
my
bad
French
,
yet
we
understood
each
other
.
Terribly
timid
he
was
.
Frightened
of
Piers
.
Jealous
of
him
.
Jealous
of
his
throwing
an
arm
round
me
,
the
silly
lout
Piers
is
.
And
when
I
discovered
he
was
going
to
be
a
priest
.
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Piers
was
so
crude
afterwards
.
That
stupid
clumsy
fright
-
ened
-
of
-
being
-
soft
English
male
cruelty
to
the
truth
.
He
couldn
t
see
that
of
course
poor
Jean
-
Louis
liked
me
,
of
course
he
was
sexually
attracted
,
but
there
was
this
other
thing
,
it
wasn
t
really
shyness
,
it
was
a
determination
to
try
to
be
a
priest
and
to
live
in
the
world
.
A
simply
colossal
effort
of
coming
to
terms
with
oneself
.
Like
destroying
all
the
paintings
one
s
ever
done
and
making
a
new
start
.
Only
he
had
to
do
it
every
day
.
Every
time
he
saw
a
girl
he
liked
.
And
all
Piers
could
say
was
:
I
bet
he
s
having
dirty
dreams
about
you
.
So
ghastly
,
that
arrogance
,
that
insensitivity
,
of
boys
who
ve
been
to
public
schools
.
Piers
is
always
going
on
about
how
he
hated
Stowe
.
As
if
that
solves
everything
,
as
if
to
hate
something
means
it
can
t
have
affected
you
.
I
always
know
when
he
doesn
t
understand
something
.
He
gets
cynical
,
he
says
something
shocking
.