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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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- Стр. 140/299
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He
’
s
been
secretly
watching
me
for
nearly
two
years
.
He
loves
me
desperately
,
he
was
very
lonely
,
he
knew
I
would
always
be
"
above
"
him
.
It
was
awful
,
he
spoke
so
awkwardly
,
he
always
has
to
say
things
in
a
roundabout
way
,
he
always
has
to
justify
himself
at
the
same
time
.
I
sat
and
listened
.
I
couldn
’
t
look
at
him
.
It
was
his
heart
.
Sicked
up
all
over
the
hideous
tangerine
carpet
.
We
just
sat
there
when
he
had
finished
.
When
lie
got
up
to
go
I
tried
to
tell
him
that
I
understood
,
that
I
wouldn
’
t
say
anything
if
he
would
take
me
home
,
but
he
backed
away
out
.
I
tried
to
look
very
understanding
,
very
sympathetic
,
but
it
seemed
to
frighten
him
.
The
next
morning
I
tried
again
,
I
found
out
what
his
name
was
(
vile
coincidence
!
)
,
I
was
very
reasonable
,
I
looked
up
at
him
and
appealed
,
but
once
again
it
just
frightened
him
.
At
lunch
I
told
him
I
could
see
he
was
ashamed
of
what
he
was
doing
,
and
that
it
wasn
’
t
too
late
.
You
hit
his
conscience
and
it
gives
,
but
it
doesn
’
t
hurt
him
at
all
.
I
am
ashamed
,
he
says
;
I
know
I
ought
,
he
says
.
I
told
him
he
didn
’
t
look
a
wicked
person
.
He
said
,
this
is
the
first
wicked
thing
I
’
ve
ever
done
.
It
probably
is
.
But
he
’
s
been
saving
up
.
Sometimes
I
think
he
’
s
being
very
clever
.
He
’
s
trying
to
enlist
my
sympathy
by
pretending
he
’
s
in
the
grip
of
some
third
thing
.
That
night
I
tried
not
being
decent
,
being
sharp
and
bitchy
instead
.
He
just
looked
more
hurt
than
ever
.
He
’
s
very
clever
at
looking
hurt
.
Putting
the
tentacles
of
his
being
hurt
around
me
.
His
not
being
my
"
class
.
"
