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- Джон Фоулз
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- Коллекционер
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- Стр. 111/299
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It
was
terrible
,
it
made
me
feel
sick
and
trembling
,
I
wished
I
was
on
the
other
side
of
the
world
.
It
was
worse
than
with
the
prostitute
;
I
didn
’
t
respect
her
,
but
with
Miranda
I
knew
I
couldn
’
t
stand
the
shame
.
We
stood
there
,
she
was
just
in
front
of
me
shaking
her
hair
loose
and
I
felt
more
and
more
ashamed
.
The
next
thing
was
she
came
up
and
began
to
take
off
my
coat
,
then
it
was
my
tie
,
and
she
undid
my
shirt
buttons
one
after
the
other
.
I
was
like
putty
in
her
hands
.
Then
she
started
pulling
my
shirt
out
.
I
kept
thinking
,
stop
it
,
stop
it
,
it
’
s
wrong
,
but
I
was
too
weak
.
The
next
thing
was
I
was
naked
and
she
was
against
me
and
holding
me
but
I
was
all
tense
,
it
was
like
a
different
me
and
a
different
she
.
I
know
I
wasn
’
t
normal
then
,
not
doing
the
expected
,
she
did
some
things
which
I
won
’
t
say
except
that
I
would
never
have
thought
it
of
her
.
She
lay
beside
me
on
the
sofa
and
everything
,
but
I
was
all
twisted
inside
.
She
made
me
look
a
proper
fool
.
I
knew
what
she
was
thinking
,
she
was
thinking
this
was
why
I
was
always
so
re
-
spectful
.
I
wanted
to
do
it
,
I
wanted
to
show
her
I
could
do
it
so
I
could
prove
I
was
really
respectful
.
I
wanted
her
to
see
I
could
do
it
,
then
I
would
tell
her
I
wasn
’
t
going
to
,
it
was
below
me
,
and
below
her
,
it
was
disgusting
.
Well
,
we
lay
for
some
time
still
and
I
felt
she
was
despising
me
,
I
was
a
freak
.
In
the
end
she
got
up
off
the
sofa
and
kneeled
beside
me
and
stroked
my
head
.
"
It
happens
to
lots
of
men
,
it
doesn
’
t
matter
.
"
You
’
d
think
she
had
all
the
experience
in
the
world
to
have
heard
her
.
She
went
back
by
the
fire
and
put
her
housecoat
on
and
sat
there
watching
me
.
I
got
my
clothes
on
.
I
told
her
I
knew
I
could
never
do
it
.
I
made
up
a
long
story
so
that
she
would
pity
me
,
it
was
all
lies
,
I
don
’
t
know
if
she
believed
it
;
about
how
I
could
feel
love
but
could
never
do
it
.
How
that
was
why
I
had
to
keep
her
.
"
But
doesn
’
t
it
please
you
at
all
to
touch
me
?
You
seemed
to
like
kissing
me
.
"
