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- Джеймс Джойс
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- Портрет художника в юности
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- Стр. 104/241
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The
dull
light
fell
more
faintly
upon
the
page
whereon
another
equation
began
to
unfold
itself
slowly
and
to
spread
abroad
its
widening
tail
.
It
was
his
own
soul
going
forth
to
experience
,
unfolding
itself
sin
by
sin
,
spreading
abroad
the
bale-fire
of
its
burning
stars
and
folding
back
upon
itself
,
fading
slowly
,
quenching
its
own
lights
and
fires
.
They
were
quenched
:
and
the
cold
darkness
filled
chaos
.
A
cold
lucid
indifference
reigned
in
his
soul
.
At
his
first
violent
sin
he
had
felt
a
wave
of
vitality
pass
out
of
him
and
had
feared
to
find
his
body
or
his
soul
maimed
by
the
excess
.
Instead
the
vital
wave
had
carried
him
on
its
bosom
out
of
himself
and
back
again
when
it
receded
:
and
no
part
of
body
or
soul
had
been
maimed
but
a
dark
peace
had
been
established
between
them
.
The
chaos
in
which
his
ardour
extinguished
itself
was
a
cold
indifferent
knowledge
of
himself
.
He
had
sinned
mortally
not
once
but
many
times
and
he
knew
that
,
while
he
stood
in
danger
of
eternal
damnation
for
the
first
sin
alone
,
by
every
succeeding
sin
he
multiplied
his
guilt
and
his
punishment
.
His
days
and
works
and
thoughts
could
make
no
atonement
for
him
,
the
fountains
of
sanctifying
grace
having
ceased
to
refresh
his
soul
.
At
most
,
by
an
alms
given
to
a
beggar
whose
blessing
he
fled
from
,
he
might
hope
wearily
to
win
for
himself
some
measure
of
actual
grace
.
Devotion
had
gone
by
the
board
.
What
did
it
avail
to
pray
when
he
knew
that
his
soul
lusted
after
its
own
destruction
?
A
certain
pride
,
a
certain
awe
,
withheld
him
from
offering
to
God
even
one
prayer
at
night
,
though
he
knew
it
was
in
God
's
power
to
take
away
his
life
while
he
slept
and
hurl
his
soul
hellward
ere
he
could
beg
for
mercy
.
His
pride
in
his
own
sin
,
his
loveless
awe
of
God
,
told
him
that
his
offence
was
too
grievous
to
be
atoned
for
in
whole
or
in
part
by
a
false
homage
to
the
All-seeing
and
All-knowing
.
--
Well
now
,
Ennis
,
I
declare
you
have
a
head
and
so
has
my
stick
!
Do
you
mean
to
say
that
you
are
not
able
to
tell
me
what
a
surd
is
?
The
blundering
answer
stirred
the
embers
of
his
contempt
of
his
fellows
.
Towards
others
he
felt
neither
shame
nor
fear
.
On
Sunday
mornings
as
he
passed
the
church
door
he
glanced
coldly
at
the
worshippers
who
stood
bareheaded
,
four
deep
,
outside
the
church
,
morally
present
at
the
mass
which
they
could
neither
see
nor
hear
.
Their
dull
piety
and
the
sickly
smell
of
the
cheap
hair-oil
with
which
they
had
anointed
their
heads
repelled
him
from
the
altar
they
prayed
at
.
He
stooped
to
the
evil
of
hypocrisy
with
others
,
sceptical
of
their
innocence
which
he
could
cajole
so
easily
.
On
the
wall
of
his
bedroom
hung
an
illuminated
scroll
,
the
certificate
of
his
prefecture
in
the
college
of
the
sodality
of
the
Blessed
Virgin
Mary
.
On
Saturday
mornings
when
the
sodality
met
in
the
chapel
to
recite
the
little
office
his
place
was
a
cushioned
kneeling-desk
at
the
right
of
the
altar
from
which
he
led
his
wing
of
boys
through
the
responses
.
The
falsehood
of
his
position
did
not
pain
him
.
If
at
moments
he
felt
an
impulse
to
rise
from
his
post
of
honour
and
,
confessing
before
them
all
his
unworthiness
,
to
leave
the
chapel
,
a
glance
at
their
faces
restrained
him
.
The
imagery
of
the
psalms
of
prophecy
soothed
his
barren
pride
.
The
glories
of
Mary
held
his
soul
captive
:
spikenard
and
myrrh
and
frankincense
,
symbolizing
her
royal
lineage
,
her
emblems
,
the
late-flowering
plant
and
late-blossoming
tree
,
symbolizing
the
age-long
gradual
growth
of
her
cultus
among
men
.
When
it
fell
to
him
to
read
the
lesson
towards
the
close
of
the
office
he
read
it
in
a
veiled
voice
,
lulling
his
conscience
to
its
music
.
QUASI
CEDRUS
EXALTATA
SUM
IN
LIBANON
ET
QUASI
CUPRESSUS
IN
MONTE
SION
.
QUASI
PALMA
EXALTATA
SUM
IN
GADES
ET
QUASI
PLANTATIO
ROSAE
IN
JERICHO
.
QUASI
ULIVA
SPECIOSA
IN
CAMPIS
ET
QUASI
PLATANUS
EXALTATA
SUM
JUXTA
AQUAM
IN
PLATEIS
.
SICUT
CINNAMOMUM
ET
BALSAMUM
AROMATIZANS
ODOREM
DEDI
ET
QUASI
MYRRHA
ELECTA
DEDI
SUAVITATEM
ODORIS
.
His
sin
,
which
had
covered
him
from
the
sight
of
God
,
had
led
him
nearer
to
the
refuge
of
sinners
.
Her
eyes
seemed
to
regard
him
with
mild
pity
;
her
holiness
,
a
strange
light
glowing
faintly
upon
her
frail
flesh
,
did
not
humiliate
the
sinner
who
approached
her
.
If
ever
he
was
impelled
to
cast
sin
from
him
and
to
repent
the
impulse
that
moved
him
was
the
wish
to
be
her
knight
.
If
ever
his
soul
,
re-entering
her
dwelling
shyly
after
the
frenzy
of
his
body
's
lust
had
spent
itself
,
was
turned
towards
her
whose
emblem
is
the
morning
star
,
BRIGHT
AND
MUSICAL
,
TELLING
OF
HEAVEN
AND
INFUSING
PEACE
,
it
was
when
her
names
were
murmured
softly
by
lips
whereon
there
still
lingered
foul
and
shameful
words
,
the
savour
itself
of
a
lewd
kiss
.
